One Month Waiting and Other Things

Today is the one-month mark of being active with our agency. No news except that we've been shown the average amount of times, which is 15-20. This is actually the standard response that almost everyone gets so it doesn't make me feel that great. And those 15-20 birthmoms aren't all interested in adoption. Some are just calling to get some general information while they make their decision. Also, as you may have read on the private blog, the average cost and wait times increased since we went active. Major bummer, but what can you do except wait.

And wait we will. But during that wait I think I'm going to plan another vacation. Actually, let me rephrase that: I think I'm going to plan our first vacation. Because to be honest, we've never been on a real vacation, I refer to our past trips as adventures. They were packed with crazy activities so that by the time we came home we were exhausted and actually ready to leave our adventure. But this will be an actual vacation where we do nothing but sit by the pool and drink rum and coke. And what better place to do that than in Mexico. We've been to Cancun before but like I said, I crammed our days full of stuff to do. This time won't be like that and we only plan to go for 4 nights, our shortest trip yet. We're on a budget after all and now I definitely can't quit my job if we're planning a vacation. I'm thinking about going somewhere in the Riviera Maya/Cancun/Playa del Carmen area and sometime in late February or early March, before all the spring-breakers arrive and before school lets out. And this time we'd like to try an all-inclusive resort because we'll be spending all of our time at the hotel eating, drinking and swimming. If anyone has any suggestions for resorts please let me know!

Buuuuut, if we plan on going somewhere that requires me to wear a bathing suit, I'm going to have to get really serious about this weight loss. This past Sunday was my third weigh-in and I'm down 2.8 lbs. Not bad. It could be all water weight but I don't care. It was probably the water weight that made me look all bloated anyway! I had fully intended on starting the Couch to 5K this week but on Sunday the podcast didn't sync with my iPod so I was stuck doing a normal workout and today I left my iPod at work so it's going to double suck having to do a workout with no music. I love just zoning out while I work out, it keeps me working out longer. Oh well. So next I PROMISE I will start the Couch to 5K :) My weight loss goal before going to Mexico is 16 pounds. I'll still be 10 pounds fatter than my last trip to Cancun but I have to be realistic. I have less than 3 months to lose all that weight and 26 pounds is just too much to try and lose.

Monday we got our baby furniture delivered. It was just a tad bit darker than we expected. Check out what we ordered versus what we got.
I don't hate the color, it's just not what we were expecting. Even the delivery guy said we didn't get the furniture we ordered when I showed him what they had on the website. But the name was correct on the box so apparently we did. If it was a quality issue I'd definitely return it but since it's just the color, I think I can live with that. I'll post more pictures when the nursery is actually complete.

Well that's about it for now. Oh, if you'd like an invite to my private blog, please send me your email address, either through email or a comment. I have to have it in order to add you as an authorized reader.

Random Updates

So we're back from Thanksgiving. I enjoyed the time with my family but the traffic going to and from Georgia was hell. I think we'll need to start traveling on the off-days to save my sanity. And though I love doing giveaways, I hate mailing the stuff because I ALWAYS manage to have things that won't fit in the boxes I get and then I have to go find another one. Maybe I should just find a UPS store and let them do all the work.

My medication mishap wasn't all that bad. I did get a period which I expected. But I started up on the meds as soon as I got back Sunday night. I think this may have set me back a bit but it didn't completely derail the past month and a half of work. My boobs still feel fuller and the world didn't end.

We bought our baby furniture on Black Friday. I waited patiently for a good deal and it paid off with a 15% off sale. We saved $238. Now I'm just waiting for the delivery guy to call to set up a delivery date. I'm hoping it's by the end of the week. I also sold my first baby book to a fellow blogger so I ordered my hedgehog-themed one.

I think I'm going to have to start the Couch 2 5K next week. I don't have enough time this week to make it to the gym 3 times. But despite not counting my points and going WAY off my diet last week, I'm down 1 lb. Baby steps. Oh, and has anyone tried SparkPeople? My mom mentioned it and said it's like Weight Watchers Online only you count calories and not points and it's free. I already signed up for 3 months of WW so I'm not going to sign up for SparkPeople till that's over but I did want to see if anyone's tried it out.

Absolutely no news on the adoption front. When we first went active I thought we'd be matched very quickly. Now I don't think we will. I have a feeling we'll have a spring baby. Not being pessimistic, just sharing the feeling I have.

Tonight we're re-recording our interviews for the video portion of our adoption profile. This time I wrote notes so I'm better prepared and more comfortable in front of the camera. I did freak out a bit when I saw the video that we took over the weekend with my nephew. I didn't realize I looked so fat and sooooo pregnant. All the weight I gained in the past few months centered in my belly and it looks terrible. Perhaps I should have waited a few months to do the video profile. Oh well, too late now!

Miserable

It's time. Time to admit that for the past month or so I've been miserable. I did all my research about inducing lactation and was well aware that taking the meds (especially birth control) would cause me to gain 10-15 pounds. I guess what I didn't realize was how shitty that extra weight would make me feel.

I feel like an utter blob. My sex drive and self esteem is non-existent, not to mention my motivation to get out and exercise. I always come up with valid reasons to put off going to the gym. There's so many things to do before a baby arrives that I'm definitely staying busy. But my weight is suffering.

And while we're at it, let's talk about heartburn. I have no clue what happened but for the past couple weeks I've been getting terrible heartburn. I can eat bread and water and still get heartburn. I know that tomato-based products are bad and I just started cutting out spicy foods and caffeine but the problem isn't going away. I'm going to try getting rid of the Metformin and prenatal vitamins and see if that helps. If not then I'll have to make a trip to the doctor.

So back to the fat issue. I think it's time I went back on Weight Watchers. I didn't lose too much weight last time, only about 7 pounds but at this point 7 pounds lost would be a godsend. I've gained about 6 pounds in the past two months and I'm at the heaviest I've ever been. I realize that about a pound of that was added to my boobs but I still have a stomach pouch I need to get rid of. I'm not a damn kangaroo. So this time I think I'm going to combine my Weight Watchers effort with with Couch to 5K running plan. I've heard a lot of people speak highly of this program so I'm curious to see if it will work for me. I've always wanted to run a 5K. It's a 9 week program which seems a bit ambitious for a fatty like me, but it's worth a shot. I plan to start Weight Watchers tomorrow but I probably won't start the C25K for another week. I want to get to the gym and warm up for a week or so before I just jump into a running program. Hopefully this time Brandon will help motivate me to keep going to the gym even when I don't want to. I think that's the reason I've failed so many other times. Wish me luck!

ICLW Welcome & Other Random Updates

First off, I'd like to say hello to everyone stopping by for ICLW. For those of you unfamiliar with ICLW, it stands for International Commenting Leaving Week. Mel from Stirrup Queens hosts the event every month and it's a way to socialize with others in the ALI community. I encourage everyone to give it a try!

So I suppose introductions are in order. I'm Christa, author of Fearlessly Infertile. My husband and I are currently residing in CT, though we're a military family and we move alot so we're hoping to make it back to the West Coast in a couple years. Not that we hate CT (actually we do) but we really miss living in Washington. We've been married 3 1/2 years and have been trying to conceive since before then. 2 IVF's and a FET later we have one miscarriage and 5 frozen embryos to show for it, but alas no baby. So now we're in the "boring" part of FET #2...waiting for AF to show up. I'm on the last few days of Provera, just twiddling my thumbs for the moment. Transfer Day is scheduled for May 2nd. We're also researching domestic adoption and have an application on our desk ready to be filled out. But for now we're just going to prep our house for a homestudy and not really pursue anything adoption-wise until we're done with infertility treatments.

So as I wait to embark on FET #2 I decided to keep myself busy. I recently hit 200 followers (yay!) and I'm hosting an awesomely awesome raffle to benefit the Lost Stork Foundation. The LSF is a new non-profit organization that will be providing grants to infertile and adoptive couples. It's in its infancy so they're not accepting applications yet but they're trying to build their grant fund and could use your help! Because I'm a sucker for a good cause I put together an anti-stress gift set to raffle off this week.

Check out the detailed info here and please please please donate if you can. We all know how much infertility and adoption can cost and we have a great new organization that wants to help our community. But first they need our help, not just by spreading the word but by opening our pocketbooks. And considering a $1 ticket is less than the cost of a cup of coffee, it won't break anyone's bank. So please enter the raffle if you can! Entires are accepted through Saturday March 26th and the winner will be announced the next day.

In other news, I copped out on the 5K run this weekend, the one where I only had 8 measly days to prepare. I didn't see the point in paying $60 for me and Brandon to attend when I knew I'd be walking the whole time. I wanted more of a challenge than that. And I think I'm on the verge of giving up on my weight loss quest (for the record I weighed in at 198.6 this morning, but who's counting). With everything else that's going on right now I just don't have time to hit the gym or the track. Our gym membership expires in May and we're probably not going to renew it. That $55 a month can be utilized somewhere else in our budget (mainly for adoption). It will suck having to drive 30 minutes to the gym on base but at least we have a free resource (even if they have no air conditioning and it gets really hot in the summer). And I can diet on my own and save another $18 a month by dumping the Weight Watchers Online account. So I'm weighing my options on that (pardon the pun).

And raise your hand if you noticed that I now have less than 60 days till Ireland!!!!! For my ICLW visitors who don't know, my husband and I are going to Ireland in mid-May, right after our FET. I'll know before we leave whether I'm preggo but I won't get my first ultrasound till after we get back. I'm so so very excited to be going and I hope I get to meet some blog friends while I'm there!

Well that's it for the updates. I hope everyone enjoys their visit to my little corner of the blog world and feel free to stop by and say hello every now and then!

WW Weigh In Week 13

What a crappy week. For some reason I had no desire to stick to my diet but I did manage to make it to the gym. But this morning I logged a gain at 198.8 lbs. Bummer. I was supposed to go running yesterday but wasn't feeling great and today I'm still feeling a bit nauseous and I don't really have an appetite for anything so I might skip the workout again. I hope I'm not getting sick. Brandon has been sick for the past week but it's been in his sinuses and I seem to have a stomach bug. I just hope it goes away soon or my goal of reaching 190 lbs by my next FET will not be coming true.

I decided that I'm going to start running in the hopes that I'll be able to complete my first 5K in the next few months. I have a few co-workers who really like running and they talked me into joining my first relay "marathon". My leg of the "marathon" is just 1/4 mile so it should be easy but it won't be. You see, that's because this relay is for St Patrick's Day which involves beer. So though I'm only going to be running 1/4 mile, I have to do it while carrying a tray of beer. The total run is 1 mile and the team with the shortest time and the most amount of beer left in the glasses wins. And by glasses I seriously hope they mean plastic cups. I guess we'll have to see. The Beer Run takes place on Saturday March 19th so I have to start running soon to get ready for it. I think the last time I ran on track for a long period of time was in high school. I usually don't run on the treadmill, I prefer the elliptical trainer so I need get on the track soon to get a feel for it. Wish me luck!

On a side note, I got my hair done yesterday at a salon that my co-worker recommended. I had the perfect stylist in WA but couldn't find a good one out here that could replicate the cut that she would give me. So I decided to give this guy a shot. I was told he wasn't cheap but for a good cut, I was willing to pay. So I walk into the salon dressed like a bum in a sweatshirt in jeans and laid my eyes on the hottest guy ever. No wonder it takes a month to get in for an appointment! I couldn't tell if McSteamy was gay or just really really really metro but I didn't give a shit. I had eye candy for the next hour and a half. He did a really good job on my hair, though he left my layers a little short and they sometimes fall out of my ponytail. But he gave me the exact cut I was looking for and I left very happy. I see him again in May right before our trip. Of course Brandon doesn't like that I was checking him out, even if he was gay. But ladies, this guy was smokin' hot, how could I not look at him? Brandon fumed for a bit but eventually got over it. And he likes my hairstyle too so everybody's happy.

I can't wait till May!

WW Weigh In and Other Issues

I did pretty good on my diet all week. I ate very healthy with the exception of a few meals, mostly dinner. But I didn't go completely overboard, I think I just had spaghetti and hot dogs for two meals this week. Other than that I don't recall falling off my diet. The scale kept creeping down every day this week as I drank tons of water. I think at one point I even saw it at 196.2 lbs. Unfortunately this morning I weighed in at 196.8 so I didn't reach my goal. Not even close. I'm not thrilled but it's still a good weight loss. My downfall was the fact that I didn't visit the gym at all. I worked a bit of overtime this week, started going to acupuncture and just never found the time. This week I'm definitely going, starting today (even though it snowed again). My goal for next week is to get to the elusive Ten Pound Mark, which is 194.7 lbs.

On the adoption front, I had a fellow blog reader who had applied with our chosen agency send me The Big Packet to look through before I slap down $200 with them. She ended up not choosing this agency for personal reasons and I can understand why. There were a few things that bothered me and though I know it's going to be a very touchy subject, I will share them here, along with my concerns about the adoption process in general. I'm open to constructive criticism about these topics but please keep your comments civil and respectful. I won't tolerate asshole commenters on my blog. And please don't assume that because I have these thoughts and feelings that I'm not ready for adoption or that I don't really want to adopt. That would be a very inaccurate judgement.

1) Our agency requires adoptive parents to sign a clause stating they will not spank their children. This mostly came as a surprise to me and I wasn't sure how to feel about this at first. I know many many people are against spanking but I'm one of those people that feel that it can be an effective punishment in some cases when other forms of punishment are otherwise ineffective (in other words, I don't believe in spanking as the primary form of punishment and don't feel that it's ever effective on a very young child). So while I had planned to use spanking as an alternative form of punishment, because the agency says we can't we'll just have to find other methods (besides the obvious grounding, time-outs, and revoking of privileges I don't really know of any other forms of punishment). It seems a moot point to think about it now as each child is different but I'm sure Brandon and I can figure it out as we go along. But the situation still irked me a bit. After all, we're adopting, not becoming foster parents. This child is going to be our child and I just felt that we should be able to raise our child in the manner that we feel is best. Whether it's religion, schooling, punishments, or other aspects of life, I just always felt that those would be our decisions to make as parents, not being told what we can and can't do. I did a bit of research and found that this clause is actually quite common and even my friends who have their own children say they're afraid to use spanking as a punishment for fear of their kids reporting them. Maybe it's my ignorance of the parenting world but I guess spanking is becoming obsolete these days. Who knew. I guess that's what I get for being infertile.

2) Our agency has a questionnaire that I'm sure is similar to all adoption agencies that ask what your comfort level is with certain drug use by expectant mothers. They list all kinds of potential drugs, their side effects on babies, yadda yadda and state that we shouldn't select anything we don't feel comfortable with handling. Yet we must be open to expectant moms who smoke daily because it's such a common thing. Smoking was the one drug I was open to accepting as my mom smoked when she was pregnant with me and I still turned out okay. But what about drinking? Marijuana? Antidepressents? I think I'm going to have to see a pediatrician about this. The paperwork states that the second most common drug use is marijuana and that if we're not open to the use of this drug then we may be waiting a longer time than average. I don't want to wait forever but is it really that uncommon to have a birthmom that doesn't do drugs or drink during pregnancy?

After reading this paperwork I started to get the feeling that my notions about adoption were probably a little inaccurate. So while these issues aren't dealbreakers for us, I think I need to really adjust my expectations and assumptions about the adoption process. I'm hoping that once we get the process started that all the rules and everything will make more sense but because we're just starting out it's a little hard.

Another few issues I have has to do with the homestudy part and other aspects of The Big Packet.

1) We need employer letters. I don't know what it has to say or if it's a form or what but I hadn't planned on telling my employer till we got on the waiting list. They don't know I'm going through fertility treatments, all I tell them now is that I have doctor appointments and that I have to leave for a few days for medical treatment (when I go to NC for my FET's). I'm not sure how they'll take it but I'm going to have to find a way to broach this subject with my supervisors soon.

2) We're going to have to talk about our family and our childhood at some point which is going to be pretty difficult. Brandon and I both had less-than-stellar childhoods. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic stepfather for 11 years and Brandon grew up poor. Poorer than poor. He lived in a hotel room in Las Vegas at some point in his life and left at the age of 15 to go live with his older sister for various reasons. I endured all kinds of abuse that I'll never forget, from being nicknamed "Short Fat Chubby Girl" to being made to eat a cigarette at the age of 7 (and it wasn't because I was caught smoking. I don't even recall what I did wrong, all I remember was the punishment). So we don't have the fairytale childhoods that some of our friends had. Some of those things may have determined how we live our lives now (Brandon is a spender, not a saver, because now he has the money and the means to do all the things he couldn't before. But he doesn't care for Christmas because he never got presents as a kid so it really holds no meaning for him). But for the most part, it doesn't. Even though we had so many years of bad situations, we both came out of it pretty unscathed. And everything we have now isn't because someone helped us along the way. Brandon and I are self-made people. We earned everything we have right now. And because of our past we don't really have excellent relationships with family members like we should. We each have our own close relationships within our family (mine is with my grandparents, Brandon's is with his sister and niece) but it still isn't the huge happy family that an expectant mom is probably going to want to see.

**I should point out that I do still have contact with everyone in my family, I just don't talk to them or visit on a regular basis. I sort of feel like an outsider, so to speak. Brandon doesn't talk to anyone in his family except his sister and niece and though he has 14 (I think) brothers and sisters, I've only met a handful of them.

So as you can see, I'm struggling with these feelings of inadequency. Like we're not going to be good enough to be parents. Because who is going to pick us with our crappy childhoods and strained family ties? And how in the world could I explain those situations on our profile without 1) lying by omission or 2) scaring away all the expectant moms?

I know that not all adoptive parents have a huge family circle or whatever but all my life I've been misunderstood and I just don't want that to happen again in this situation. We want to be parents more than anything and even though some say that it takes a village to raise a child, I think that Brandon and I could do a damn fine job on our own without a ton of family members around us. I just hope that there's an expectant mom out there who feels the same way.

WW Weigh In and Sweeping

I planned on writing a post about sweeping last night but didn't so let's just mash the two subjects together, shall we?

First is my Weight Watchers Weigh In update. I know it's been forever since I've weighed in and I'm sure you can all understand my need to indulge myself in comfort food for the past few weeks but last Sunday I decided that it was time to start the diet/exercise plan again. Well, at least that was my intention. If you remember, the week before Transfer Day I weighed in at 200.2 lbs. So when I got on the scale last Sunday I wasn't suprised to see the scaled tipped back to 202.2 lbs. But that was also the day that AF showed and everybody knows that the only good thing that comes from seeing The Crimson Tide is that you're guaranteed to lose a little weight that week without having to lift a finger. Still, I tried to do my part by dieting (I don't exercise when I'm on my period).

Monday went well in regards to my diet but Tuesday and Wednesday I got depressed again and reverted back to the comfort food. Wednesday night we went shopping for some good healthy food and for the rest of the week I did fairly well. This morning I weighed in at 198.2 lbs. Hellz yea. I actually wanted to get down to 197 lbs and I probably would have done it except for the fact that I got extremely intoxicated from mudslides last night. I think it's safe to say I'll be avoiding milk for the rest of the week. My goal is to stick with the diet all week this time, get back into a regular routine at the gym, and get down to 195 lbs next week.

So now let's switch our minds over to a little something I like to call sweeping. No, I'm not talking about chores, I'm talking about sweepstakes. Back when I was unemployed, I kinda got hooked on entering sweepstakes. I think I started sweeping regularly back in August. I talked about it briefly here when I won a trip I couldn't take because of IVF #2. I found this cool website that made it easy to enter lots of contests every day. Brandon thought I was crazy trying to win something, saying it was equivalent to the lottery. And in some ways he was right. Except for the fact that I did win something. I won lots of things! And I love winning free stuff. Here's my list of winnings to date:
-A Scare-Me-Not doll
-Eat, Pray, Love t-shirt and bracelet
-Box of Barilla pasta and can of Barilla sauce
-My Little Pony doll
-$50 gift certificate to Fantastic Sam's
-Bag of Halls Cough Drops
-"Hallowed Bones" novel by Carolyn Hanes
-Physician's Formula Powder Palette makeup
-Samsung portable Blu-Ray DVD player (Brandon's personal favorite)
-Box of Cheerios

All the food items came as free coupons, and lots of my winnings were pretty small but it's still fun nonetheless. And the stuff I didn't use I donated or gave away to friends and family. The great thing about sweeping is that you can just enter and forget about it. For some sweepstakes winnings you'll get an email or phone call but most of the time they just mail you the prize so it's awesome to check the mail and find a prize waiting for you. And you only have to claim the big prizes on your taxes (I think it's anything over $500 or $600). I don't sweep as regularly as I used to but I'm still getting prizes on a regular basis, mostly because it takes a LONG time for some companies to select winners and mail out prizes. I think the contest for the DVD player was back in September and we just got the prize last week. So if you find yourself with some extra time on your hands you should really give sweeping a try. After all, you can't win if you don't enter!

WW Weigh In Week Something or Other

I forgot what week this is. Week 7? 6? I'll go back and do the match. Anyway, so I weighed in this morning at 200.2 for a loss of exactly one pound. I did so well on my diet Monday through Thursday but Friday and Saturday were a complete flop. But I'm happy with my loss this week. Unfortunately I think I'm done exercising till after the 2WW so the next 3 or 4 weeks might be difficult in the weight loss department.

Today I'm bumping my Estrace up to 3 times a day which will suck. I had a system for the twice-a-day routine: Get up in the am, insert the pill, and go back to bed for at least an hour to let it dissolve. Then take my pill right before bed in the evening. I had hardly any mess when doing that routine. Now that I'll be taking an extra pill in the middle of the day (at work no less!) I'm sure my vagina will be turning into the Blue LaGoo. But it's all worth it in the end, right?

I've also been working on my itinerary for our upcoming trip to Ireland and I'll be posting an update on that soon. I hope we can buy our plane tickets this week but I'm waiting for the right flight to come along (at the right price of course). They seem to be hovering between $550 and $625 right now. I'm hoping to get our flights for less than $600 without having a 12 hour layover somewhere.

Other than that, not much going on right now!

Left Behind ***UPDATE***

I've officially dubbed this year The Year of Being Left Behind. I've experienced many fertiles announcing their pregnancies and having babies this year, but it's different when you have friends who have also struggled with infertility and then gotten pregnant. It's bittersweet to see them achieve their goals while you're still trying to achieve yours. And this year seemed to be nothing but that. All the blog friends and real-life friends I've made have gotten pregnant and are moving on. And here I am, trying to pump myself with optimism for my upcoming FET but it's hard. And I know it's bad, but it kinda makes me not want to make friends with fellow infertiles, or to start reading a new blogger who's going through fertility treatments. Because what if they get pregnant next month and I don't? How hard will it be to maintain that friendship or continue reading that blog? It's almost like infertility was designed to be dealt with alone, as sort of a self-preservation mechanism. It sucks because sometimes it bothers me when others get pregnant and sometimes it doesn't. I guess I'm moody like that. I just hope this FET works so I don't have to deal with another year of being left behind.

On a happier note, my WW weigh-in today showed a loss of one pound! I'm happy with it, especially considering we had an office Christmas party and a big Christmas dinner last night. On Monday I'm signed up for a free one-hour session with a personal trainer at my gym. I'm sure he'll kick my ass and I'm not really looking forward to it, especially when he tries to sell me a training package of some sort at the end, but I'm doing it to try and learn new exercises to work all my muscles. Wish me luck!

***UPDATE*** I might end up crapping out on the trainer tomorrow. Apparently we're supposed to get 10-15 inches of snow between now and then! We've already got about 2 inches so we'll see what happens.

Third Time's the Charm?

I sincerely hope that saying rings true, in more ways than one. First, I am now delving into my third expensive fertility treatment. After two IVF attempts we are now doing FET's. I just started my Provera yesterday because AF never showed up. I also started taking my Metformin and prenatal vitamins again. I think that's all I will take this round. No vitamin B-complex, no wheatgrass, none of that junk. I gave some serious consideration to doing acupuncture again. After all, I did acupuncture during my first IVF and I did get pregnant. But it's much more expensive here and we need to save our money so I'll give it a pass.

And secondly, I hope that saying rings true for my third attempt at losing weight this year. The other two times failed miserably. I would lose 5-10 pounds and then quit. But last week I weighed more than I have ever weighed before in my life, and it was a serious wake-up call. Every other time I tried dieting I would count calories. It worked like a charm but I was restricting all the things I loved to eat, so my diet would never last long before I would binge. This time I decided to try something different. Something I swore I would never do because I thought it was a hokey money-pit.

I signed up for Weight Watchers.

Brandon wasn't too enthusiastic. He had the same mentality I always did: Weight Watchers only works because you're paying for it so you want to make sure it does work so you try harder at losing weight! But I've de-bunked that myth because last May I signed up for a gym membership at $30 per month and I've gone about 5 times. So obviously paying money to lose weight is not an incentive to lose weight.

So last Monday I started my Weight Watchers Online diet. I started out at 204.7 lbs (YIKES!) and set my weekly weigh-ins for Sunday morning. My daily points value is currently set at 32 points, which is a reasonable amount. I only went over twice this week, and only used about 10 of my 49 weekly points allowed. Yesterday I was extremely happy to see the scale at 202.3 lbs, even though I didn't even make it to the gym last week. Of course, after my weigh-in I felt extremely motivated and dragged my fat ass to the gym where I realized within 5 minutes of my work-out that I was seriously out of shape. I couldn't do half of my old routine without feeling like I was going to die. So I think I'm stuck doing walking and weigh lifting for a couple weeks, until I build up some endurance.

But still, I have to admit that WW might be the thing that gets me to lose my weight for good. I've decided to post my weekly weigh-ins and keep a ticker on my sidebar of my weight loss. My ultimate goal is 175 lbs (though my immediate goal is 200 lbs by the time I have my FET). That's a total loss of 29.7 pounds. A very difficult goal, but attainable. I hate to admit that I was 180 lbs just last November so I know I can be that skinny. And hopefully skinnier but for now I'm just reaching for 175 lbs.

If any has any Weight Watchers suggestions or advice, please let me know! I hope to start trying some of their recipes this week.

Weight Loss Update Week Four

Vegan Week is over and I must say it was a big success. It was actually pretty easy to cut out meat, a little harder to cut out dairy. Still, I weighed in yesterday morning at 196.4, down from 199.3 the week before. That's a weight loss of 2.9 pounds in one week, for a total weight loss of 3.3 pounds! I had hoped to take a break before starting Boot Camp Week but because of my new job I decided to start that this week. So starting yesterday I will go to the gym every single day this week and exercise for at least 30 minutes. Yesterday I only did the minimum 30 minutes: 10 on treadmill, 10 on weights, and 10 on the Cybex Arc Trainer (its much harder on the legs than the elliptical trainer). So I'm hoping that by the end of this week I will have lost another pound, maybe even two. Wish me luck!

Weight Loss Update Week One: Results

After starting over on my weight loss quest, I am finally starting to see the scale move down! This morning I weighed in at 199.3 lbs. It's only a loss of .4 lbs but it's a loss nonetheless! Earlier this week Brandon and I stopped by the base gym to check it out and I was NOT impressed. It was about 1/3 of the size of the gym back in Washington, not air conditioned and a good 25-minute drive from home. So I went back home and started googling gyms near our home. The first one I found was called WorkOut World (WoW). Brandon and I printed a coupon for a 7-day pass and we're trying it out this week. I've only been twice so far but I like it. The only thing that sucks is that the machines are different than what I'm used to so I don't feel as comfortable using them and my endurance isn't as great. But I think I'll have that problem anywhere I go and eventually I'll get used to using their machines. But WoW offers a military discount and for only $30 a month I can have access to the whole gym AND all the classes they offer (Zumba, here I come!). Heck, the air conditioning alone is worth that price! So I'm pretty confident that after our 7-day pass is up then we'll sign up for a gym membership. I'm still debating about whether to sign up for a year though. Going through IVF limits your ability to work out and lift weights so I might just do the month-to-month deal for an extra $7 per month. I still have a few more days to decide. Until then I'm going to take total advantage of my free pass!

I've got a few other random thoughts that I thought I would throw into this post

Funny story....I take a plethora of vitamins every day which I split into two doses, day and night. Last night I took my pills (wheatgrass, metformin, b6 and cinnamon) with my dinner. About half an hour later I burped and a PUFF OF WHITE SMOKE came out of my mouth!! It was the weirdest thing ever. Tasted like cinnamon too!

Remember during my last IVF when I said I would go to Ireland if it didn't work out? Well, Ireland will have to be delayed due to the tentative IVF #2 but we're still hoping to take a vacation soon. I'm not talking about New York City next week with my BFF, that's just a day trip. I'm talking a real vacation, but we've only got 5/6 days to do it. You see, Brandon is in school right now. At the end of July he will graduate from his school and then he has 6 days before he checks into his real command and starts his instructor duty. So I think that would be the perfect time to take a vacation. We try to take two trips a year and we haven't done one yet this year (the Trip Across America does NOT count as a vacation, I'd rather have spent those two weeks doing something else. We just made the most of the situation). Anyway, I thought about taking another trip to Alaska and going inland, maybe to Denali, but Brandon said we would need more time for that. Then I thought about going back to the Grand Canyon since we only spent a couple hours there last time but I think the Grand Canyon in July wouldn't be a wise choice, especially for a fat chick. Brandon suggested running around New England but I figured we would be here for 3 years so I'm sure we'll do stuff in the area. I want to take a longer trip, something we can't see on a three-day weekend. So I *think* we're going to Maine and Nova Scotia. Maine is about 5 1/2 hours away while Nova Scotia is about 15....one-way! That's alot of driving. I'll have to do some more research to see if it's worth the long drive. But if it's not, does anyone have any suggestions for a 5/6 day trip? We could drive or fly, doesn't matter to us and we have current passports so an international trip isn't completely out of the question, though 6 days might be a little short to see everything. We still have time to research and decide. At least it gives me something to look forward to!

Starting Over

Well I think it's safe to say that my weight loss quest was an epic fail. So I've decided to start over again from square one. Today I weighed in at 199.7 lbs. I never made it to the gym this week, mostly because of the cramps from AF. It seems that I don't get premenstrual cramps, I get menstrual cramps. And these new periods are completely different from the old. I used to have very light periods, only lasting two or three days. Sometimes it was hard to tell whether it was an actual period or just spotting. These periods have been lasting twice as long, are much heavier and the cramps are quite annoying. In fact, it feels like a real period. The HPT I took this morning showed up negative so at least it's a period and not a miscarriage. I wonder if I should start taking OPK's or charting my temps again. I think I will.

So anyway, back to the weight loss thing. I hereby solemnly swear that I'll get my ass in gear and lose some weight. NO EXCUSES. There, I said it and you are all witnesses. Next week will definitely show some results! Now then....what to do with those chocolate chip cookies I baked last night.......

Weight Gain Update Week Three: Moving

Yea, notice I put weight gain instead of weight loss. Cause I have yet another one this week. But it's pretty much my fault. After last week's frustrations I rebelled a bit and didn't follow my diet at all. After Tuesday we were living off snack foods and Subway. The only exercise I've done this week is cleaning the house. My weigh-in? 198.9 pounds. That sucks monkey balls. But I'm not too worried about it. After all I think it's been 2 or 3 days since I last pooped and I was weighing about 194.9 earlier this week. So maybe my weigh-in was just on a bad day.

On other notes I got my period this week. That's pretty significant considering I can't remember the last time I got a natural period. I believe its been over a year. I was told I should get it 6-8 weeks after the D&C but didn't really pay attention because I thought it only applied to women who actually got periods. But I was proven wrong and now its here. I wonder if I'll ever see it again.

I questioned the doctor about the lack of the MTHFR test on my panel. I emailed Nurse D at Womack and then left a message at Madigan. Madigan responded first, saying they didn't think my history warranted the test. But when Nurse D emailed me back she attached a letter saying to get all the tests done in my previous post along with the MTHFR test and a chromosome analysis for both Brandon and I. The problem with that is it will have to wait until we get to Connecticut. But I hope to at least get the results from the other tests next week.

Well I better get going. We have to check out of the hotel room and run a few more errands before leaving Washington for good. I'll definitely miss this place.

Miscellaneous Updates

Well my weight loss "adventure" has not been going too well. It's just been too damn hot to exercise. I went to the gym on Saturday but the temperatures have been in the 90's for the past few days so I didn't stay long. The gym on base has no air conditioning and neither does my house so I've been very miserable. It's supposed to stay this hot through Thursday so I think I'll be staying inside all week. I just feel bad for the animals. At least I can go to work in an air conditioned building, they're stuck at the house all day. But all the blinds are closed and I have been giving them ice cubes in their water so I think we'll make it through.

Yesterday was my 28th birthday. Woo hoo. I did nothing all day which felt great. I almost went out and spent $400 on an air conditioning unit as my birthday present to myself but I decided I didn't want to spend that kind of money.

Saturday night I started taking Provera to get a period. I'm currently on cd49 and way overdue for one. After I start a new cycle I'll take a month of birth control pills and then I can take Clomid again. I'll also be starting acupuncture in a couple weeks. I can't wait to start going back.

Every time Brandon goes on a deployment I plan a vacation. I don't mean to do it like that, it just always seems to work out that way. It's a good idea though because planning the trips helps to keep me busy while he's gone. The first deployment was followed by our wedding in Vegas. The second deployment was our volunteer trip to Peru. The third deployment was our Alaskan cruise. Now Brandon will be getting 2-3 weeks off in December when he comes back from this deployment. We initially wanted to take a trip to Australia but it will be summer there and peak season so I'm not sure how expensive it will be. I'm also thinking Mexico, Costa Rica, the Caribbean...somewhere warm and tropical but not too expensive. We're not interested in taking another cruise so we would probably fly wherever we go. I'm open for any other suggestions so please share them with me!

My new weight loss quest

Now that Brandon is gone I have to find something to keep me focused. I thought that the first few weeks of his absence would be more like a mini-vacation, where I could control the remote, eat what I want for dinner, and go to bed whenever I please. Unfortunately this deployment is not like his past deployments. I immediately became depressed and lonely. I knew I had wanted to lose weight while Brandon was gone but now that is even more important so I can remain motivated and keep my sanity.

Today is Day One of my millionth attempt at losing weight. For the past few years I have completely lost any motivation to lose weight. I thought my desire to have a child would fuel my determination but it has not. Sometimes I feel like I'm so fat there's no point in even trying to lose the pounds. I tell myself it wouldn't do much good anyway. This morning was a wake-up call. As I started my first day, I stepped on the scale to log my initial weigh-in. I only weigh myself in the mornings, before I've gotten dressed or eaten. This morning I almost had a heart attack. The scale read 200.5 lbs. I've always come close to the 200-lb mark but have never gone over it. I was in shock. I knew that I needed to do something or I was destined to be fat for the rest of my life.

I know this won't be easy. I tend to lose 10-15 pounds and then quit after I feel healthy enough to be able to eat what I want and stay in control. Of course I always end up gaining the pounds back. This time will have to be different. I'll have to keep the weight off. And not just 10-15 pounds. I need to lose about 50 to be considered "normal" weight for a 5'6" woman. I'm sure I will lose hope along the way which is why I'm asking you to keep me motivated. I don't have many blog followers but I'm going to need all the encouragement I can get.

I've decided that I'm not going to start dieting immediately. I have to plan out my next grocery list carefully so I will probably begin my dieting at the end of the week. Usually I simply count calories. I start out with 1,400 calories a day and work down to 1,200 calories once my body has lost weight and can handle it. Studies show that for every pound you lose, you need to consume 10 less calories per day. I'm going to start out with 1,400 calories a day so I don't feel like I'm starving. It may not sound like much but I plan on eating alot of organic fruits and veggies and very little meat. I'm going to start out exercising 2-3 times per week and I hope to increase it to 4-5 times per week.

Although my ultimate goal is to lose 50 pounds (which may or may not be realistic), I decided I need a few milestones along the way in order to keep me motivated. First, I want to lose 10 pounds by the time I'm ready for my next IUI. That should be about 6 weeks away. It will be hard to exercise during fertility treatments but I should still be able to lose weight through healthy eating. My next milestone is to lose 20 pounds by the time Brandon gets home in December. That will be in the middle of the holiday season so I hope I can stick with my goal and not gain any weight back. Last, I hope to reach my ultimate goal within one year (unless I get pregnant!). I want to be as healthy as possible when I become a mother and today seems like a good day to get started. I will keep a ticker on my blog to keep track of my weight loss. Wish me luck!!