Beta Day

Beta is 1. Can't say I'm surprised, I just find it super shitty that we got this news on our anniversary. FML

8dp3dt

I peed on a stick this morning. BFN. This was the day I got my first positive pregnancy test last IVF cycle. I don't have much hope for this anymore. I know people will tell me to stay optimistic and all that, but you can't get rid of the feeling in the pit of your stomach, no matter what people try to tell you. Beta is Wednesday.

Transfer Day

Last night Brandon and I stayed at Susanne's house, after rescuing Oso from the kennel. He had an awesome time playing with their two dachshunds but didn't really enjoy being harassed by the cat, who decided to corner him in the back yard where he was too scared to move until Brandon and Susanne's husband found him. Our dog is such a wuss. So this morning we woke up bright and early and headed back to Fayetteville for our transfer. As I mentioned yesterday, we still had 6 embryos in the running and we were hoping for at least two to transfer. Imagine my surprise when Dr. P told us that all SEVEN were still alive and kicking!!! That's right, apparently the seventh embryo came back from the "dead" and decided to start growing again. We were given the following status on our embryos:

One 8-cell, grade 1
One 6-cell, grade 1
One 5-cell, grade 2
Four 4-cells: 3 grade 1, 1 grade 2

All of them were grade 1. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect all six to make it, let alone have the seventh come back to life. It was very emotional for me to hear and it took everything I had not to start bawling in front of Dr. P and Brandon. After joking that we should go balls-to-the-wall and put all 7 back, we decided to transfer the 8-cell and 6-cell and freeze the rest.

And now I suppose I must admit publicly that I was wrong and my husband, Gretchen, Susanne and all my blog readers were right. There, I said it, so none of those "I told you so!" comments!!

So now I'm back at the Fisher House and ready to take a nap. I can barely keep my eyes open and my family will be here in about 5 hours. Goodnight everybody and please take the time to stop by Susanne's blog to wish her good luck on her fert report today!

Retrieval Update

I must warn my readers that this post will contain lots of complaining and probably more whining than I should be doing. But this is my blog and this is how I feel so if you disagree with me then please refrain from posting rude comments. We're all adults here and I can take criticism but not rudeness.

Retrieval did not go as expected. All morning I felt so full I was sure I was going to explode. The fact that the doc was running an hour behind at the clinic didn't help, but at least the chairs in the waiting room recline so I just sat back and watched The View while I waited to be called back. Everything went as smoothly as I expected and after I woke up from retrieval Dr. P told me they had gotten 18 follicles: 12 from one side, 8 from the other. It wasn't as many as the last IVF (20 eggs retrieved) but I was still happy with those numbers, especially since I was certain that they would all be mature, given the fact that they were grouped together so very nicely this cycle. When I triggered with IVF #1 my range of follicles was 13-21mm. This time it was 15-18mm. So imagine my shock when Dr P said that only 10 were mature. What.the.fuck. He said that 2 of the remaining 8 were overripe and were done for. The remaining 6 might mature in the petri dish this afternoon. But that's a big "if" and I'm not counting on that because I don't know what the odds are that they will mature. And even if they mature, would they really be just as good as the ones who were mature from the very beginning? I never had to deal with that situation so I never bothered to read up about it. I'm just seriously disappointed with only 10 mature follicles. I know some women would give their left boob for that number but those numbers are disappointing for me. After all, I have PCOS so I always have a large number of follicles and I'm still under 30 I kinda assume that my numbers would be good. But last IVF produced 4 embryos out of 16 mature eggs, so if those odds stay the same then I'll only have 2-3 embryos this time around. Considering that this is our last fresh IVF, that means we won't have any embryos for freezing and that pisses me off. I spent the past four months choking back all kinds of vitamins and for what?? 2 fucking embryos at age 29?? I'm sorry but I kind of expected my hard work to pay off. I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions right now (as my husband is reminding me every five minutes) but I also can't help feeling a little bitter and disappointed. I think it might be because there was nothing about this cycle that was better than last cycle, even though I tried so much harder to improve my diet and took all those vitamins. I guess it just goes to show that none of that shit helps. I'm extremely depressed right now and it's taking everything I have not to cry my eyes out. What I wouldn't give for a chocolate martini.....

Small Progress

This morning's ultrasound showed very little progress. While a few follicles grew 2mm overnight, most grew 1mm or less. Here's the report:

Left Ovary: 10 11 11 12 12 12 13 13 13 14
Right Ovary: 9 9 11 11 12 13 13 15
Estradiol (e2): 1,438

I seemed to have lost the 19th follicle, which doesn't bother me because the u/s tech only measured it yesterday and none of the other days. The only thing that bothers me is the inconsistency that my follicles seem to be growing at. They are truly my eggs because they can't seem to make up their damn mind whether they want to grow fast or slow. I'm sooo tempted to take an extra vial of Gonal-F to kick their asses in gear but Nurse D said no so I'm going to stick to my original protocol. Other than that, not much is happening. The Craig Morgan concert was really fun last night, I miss Oso and wish I could visit him in the kennel but they're closed on the weekends (to the public, I'm sure he's getting fed over the weekend). I hope to go see him on Monday but for now it's naptime. Goodnight!

Ultrasound #3

Things are starting to move along pretty nicely now. I've got 19 follicles, probably a bit more. Unfortunately the ultrasound machine only records 10 follicles per ovary so once the u/s tech gets to 10 she stops measuring. So there might be more than 10 follies on my left ovary. Here's the numbers for today:

Left Ovary- 8 9 9 10 10 11 11 12 12 12
Right Ovary- 8 8 9 10 10 11 13 13 13
Estradiol (e2)- 1,251

It seems that my right ovary has the biggest follicles but the fewest quantity, probably because there's no room for more! Nurse D wants me back for another scan tomorrow morning. It's starting to look like I was stimming slow in the beginning but now my body is in full gear and they want to monitor me a little more closely. I'm definitely feeling the back pain that I had during my last IVF, I'm just glad I was able to avoid it until now. Hopefully I won't have to deal with it much longer but this time I was prepared and bought a nice new heating pad just in case.

Nurse D also mentioned that she's 85% sure that I'm going to trigger on Monday night for a Wednesday retrieval. This is a huge relief because that means I'll have my Saturday transfer and we can go back home on Sunday without a huge rush. Of course that's always subject to change but it's highly unlikely.

Tonight I'm going out with G, a former IVF patient at Womack who ended up with a set of adorable triplets. Craig Morgan is playing on Pope Air Force Base tonight and we're going to go. Brandon doesn't think I should go because there's going to be smoking and loud music, but I don't think that will kill our "babies". Susanne left for the weekend to go home but I'll get my friend back on Monday when she comes back for her next appointment. I'm thinking about making this awesome cake with her to celebrate our IVF cycle. How cool would that be!!

I'm sorry, did you want an update?

I had my second ultrasound this morning but I was so busy hanging out with my cycle buddy Susanne that I haven't had time to update. I now have 18 follicles ranging from 6-12mm, though I only have one 6mm follicle and it probably won't be mature by retrieval. E2 is 613. My lining only grew from 8mm to 8.5mm in the past two days and it's looking like I'm running two days "behind" compared to IVF #1. That sucks for me in two ways: my mom and grandmother made plans to visit us the last week of September and if I don't have my transfer until Sunday or Monday then it's going to cut into their vacation time. I feel bad but there's really nothing that can be done about that. But what's worse is that Brandon has to be back at work Monday the 27th. So if our transfer isn't till Sunday then we'll be leaving immediately after the transfer and driving all night or I'll be left in NC to catch a ride with my mom and grandmother on Monday. I asked Nurse D if I could increase my meds to get things moving but she said they don't want to fry my eggs. It's a little difficult to sit back and see how this cycle plays out. I can't help but try to analyze whether this slower stimming is good, bad or neutral. Part of me just wishes my body would respond the same as last time so I at least know what to expect. I'm not a big fan of the unknown. I've got another scan tomorrow to determine whether I'll have the weekend off from appointments.

But in addition to forgetting to post a follicle update, I also forgot to post the winner of the Fearlessly Frugal giveaway! I want to say congratulations to #12, Aly from The Infertility Overachievers!! Aly, I'll be emailing you soon to get your mailing information. A big thanks to all those who entered!

First Follicle Scan

Yesterday was such a long day for us. 12 hours of sitting in a car while my husband drove. We took his car which is a manual and since I don't know how to drive them, he was stuck doing it all and I was stuck hanging onto the oh-shit handle above the passenger door and telling him how to drive. Then we had to throw poor Oso in the kennel as soon as we got to Fayetteville because they close at 6pm. He wasn't happy. I'm sure the whole time we were driving he thought we were going to the dog park or something and then he gets a 2-week stay in a kennel. At least we'll be able to visit him.

My first follicle scan was this morning (stim day 5) and it went okay. I'm starting to feel the heaviness in my body that are the fluid-filled ovaries. I thought for sure there were more follicles today than we saw at our last IVF. I was wrong. They found 15 follicles measuring from 5-8mm as well as some smaller ones that might grow over the next few days. During our last IVF they found 18 follicles from 7-11mm on the same day. I was a little disappointed because I (foolishly) thought that taking all these vitamins and supplements for the past 3 months would help in the egg department. Still, there's a possibility that these eggs might be higher quality than the last batch. I suppose our bodies can still respond differently to each cycle, even when the protocol stays the exact same. I wondered for a second whether age had something to do with my slower response but surely it can't be when my last IVF was just 8 months ago...right? Either way, I don't go back in for another scan until Thursday.

**TMI Alert**

On a different subject...I have a hemorrhoid. It's my first and I'm not sure how I got it, though I suspect that the Metformin is to blame because it's been giving me a stomachache for a while. It's pretty painful and couldn't have come at a worse time. After all, that's the general area where the doc is going to be working over the next two weeks. Why couldn't I have gotten a cold sore or athlete's foot or something? I tried finding some medication for it but all they had at the grocery store was Preparation H and since the nurse said that isn't approved for pregnant people, I probably shouldn't take it either while I'm stimming. Tuck's was on the "approved" list so I've been on the lookout for that instead.

Other than that, things are going well. I feel like I could sleep all day long but I know I shouldn't. I seem to be the only IVF girl staying at the Fisher House. Nurse D said there's about 25 girls in the cycle this month so I guess most of them must be local. That sucks because last time there were about 5 girls staying here and we had a great time together. I hope I get to meet some of the ladies who are in the cycle as well. Oh, and don't forget that today is the last day to enter my giveaway for the Fearlessly Frugal Budget Prize Pack!

**Update** Nurse D called with my estrogen levels, they are 310. I also forgot to mention that the u/s tech noticed a fluid-filled area outside my ovary which she wasn't too concerned about but recommended that I start drinking more Gatorade. I've been drinking 32 oz a day, though I admit that yesterday I didn't have any during our trip. Is this not enough? How much do they realistically expect me to drink? I'm not a camel.

Stim Day 1

Today was the first day of stims for me. Yesterday all I took was Lupron. I was a little slow with the needle yesterday and it hurt like a bitch going in so today I just JABBED it in and it was much less painful. I was so nervous I would forget how to mix and administer the meds but it's funny how it all comes flooding back into your memory when you've got the stuff laying out in front of you.

I decided over the past few days that we would go ahead with the ICSI. I've been playing Dr Google and discovered that PCOS eggs can have a harder egg shell than non-PCOS eggs which can prevent the sperm from penetrating. That was enough to convince me. I just really really hope that our fertilization rate is better than 75% this time around. It was technically 63% because only 10 out of 16 fertilized normally, even though they did get 12 fertilized. And since this is our last fresh IVF cycle I figured we should make it the best one possible.

So in between job applications I've been keeping myself busy with something new. I've started doing online sweepstakes. I usually "sweep" every other day, doing about 100 sweepstakes at a time. Some are one-time entry, some are daily. Very occasionally I'll enter a blog giveaway, though not often. I've won a few small things: a Scare Me Not monster (Gus), a free box of Barilla pasta and jar of sauce, and an Eat, Pray, Love t-shirt, bracelet and poster. Alot of the sweepstakes that I've entered haven't ended yet or the winner hasn't been chosen. Well last night I won a pretty big prize. It was a 3-day trip to New York City for the launch event of Halo Reach. It included transportation and lodging at a hotel in Times Square plus access to the event. The bad news is that it takes place NEXT WEEK! Which is of course during our IVF cycle so I had to turn it down. I asked if I could swap my prize for one of the first prizes (a limited edition XBOX 360 and Halo game) but the rules state specifically that if you can't attend then you forfeit your prize so I doubt they'll let me trade prizes. Oh well. At least I got lucky enough to win so I hope that luck continues through the next two weeks and I get knocked up. I can only hope!

And here we go again.....

IVF #2 is upon us. Last night was the last night of my birth control pills. I start Lupron on Thursday. So far I had managed to not really think about this cycle much. I wasn't excited or nervous, just indifferent really. Now the nerves are starting to creep up on me. I had my baseline ultrasound last week (Did I already talk about this? Cause I don't remember) and Nurse D wanted the ultrasound tech to measure all follicles larger than 5mm. Well she found 4 follicles that measured 6-7mm and a ton of tiny follicles. I was worried and called Nurse D to see if these bigger follicles were a deal breaker. She said no but the estradiol levels would tell us whether the cycle is off. She said Dr. P wants to see my estrogen level below 70 for a baseline ultrasound, preferably under 50. Well when Nurse D called today she informed me that my estradiol levels were 83 but that I can still move forward with the IVF. That was a relief but I'm wondering what in the hell my body is doing. But I'm trying not to think about it. My first ultrasound is scheduled for Tuesday morning and Brandon has his S/A that afternoon. We're going to try and get through this IVF without having to do ICSI. Last time we went ahead and did it because we (foolishly) thought it would be our only IVF cycle. During the last cycle, we had 10 eggs fertilize normally out of the 16 mature eggs they retrieved. We're hoping for the same results, only without the added $1,800 fee. But we won't find that out till next week.

I just to mention as an afterthought, if you have or will be entering my Fearlessly Frugal giveaway, please make sure you do the mandatory entry first! Otherwise your other entries (such as being a follower) will not count.

Now Don't Be Shy....

There's less than a week left on the giveaway, don't everybody jump the gun to enter! There's only 7 entries so far so you've got a great chance of winning the free meditation CD. It really is as awesome as it sounds and even if you aren't into the whole meditation thing, it's a great way to get to sleep when you're tossing and turning (not that I tried it or anything). So click here to enter to win! I hope to start hosting more giveaways, by the way. My goal is to have 2 or 3 a month. They won't always be fertility related because let's face it, we all need a break from time to time about that crappy part of our lives and it's nice to win something that's a little indulgent.

On the fertility-related news, it looks like Brandon won't be able to stay with me the whole time in North Carolina. Bummer. He'll probably miss the first week like he did last time. We need to find out ASAP so we can get him a plane ticket for (semi) cheap. And AF still hasn't shown up. I'm not done with the Provera though so there's still time. Other than that's, all's quiet on the infertility front.

Freaking Out

I knew this time would come. I've been feeling these thoughts ever since my last IVF cycle. My last IVF was a success. I got pregnant. It was my body that failed me. Now as I'm going into this second cycle I just feel like its not going to happen for us. I feel like it will be a BFN or worse, another miscarriage. I feel like the stakes are so much higher this time around, both emotionally and financially. I don't have a job anymore to earn back all the money that we're about to spend on this IVF and I don't know yet whether I won my unemployment hearing. I want to do a fresh IVF cycle because I'm still young and I want to write off all our big medical expenses in one year. But I also want to do a FET because it's less money and less stress. I thought I had my mind made up but I don't. I wonder if it's the whole foster care situation. I just want to be a mom and I hate that I have to choose. IVF OR foster care. IVF OR adoption. Adoption OR foster care. We can never choose both. We certainly could never afford both, at least not for a while. We would have to take a break for a couple years to save up for adoption.

I hate that I'm second guessing myself when I had already made up my mind. I think it's the realization that this is the end of the road. If this IVF doesn't work out then all we can do is FET's until we run out of embryos. No adoption and probably no foster care.

I wish money wasn't an issue. I wish I could pursue foster care and IVF at the same time because after all, we've always wanted more than one child. Brandon and I only have 3 years at this duty station. After that he goes back to sea duty with routine deployments. That's not an ideal situation for adoption or foster care and we will probably not try to do either while he's attached to a boat. So these next three years might be "it". I think that's why I'm so nervous about this IVF. It's like our last chance. And I never thought I'd be at this point in my life so soon. Infertility sucks.

Second Thoughts

Have you ever had second thoughts about going through infertility treatments? Those guilty little thoughts that you don't want to talk about because you don't want to sound like you're giving up? The past few days have been filled with those kinds of thoughts. Brandon and I had discussed before about living childless (not to be confused with "child-free", to me they have completely separate meanings) or just becoming foster parents to kids in need. We've never talked about those options much as I've always tried to stay focused on having our own children and not giving up on my goal of parenthood.

But there are days like today that I question myself and ask whether having children is truly worth it. The thoughts creep into my head and I start to wonder what it would be like if it were just me and Brandon, living a completely different life than the one I dreamed about since I was a kid. A life of travel and adventures and freedom. That's when my dreams of parenthood come into question. Is it worth spending $10,000 more on a second IVF cycle, something that isn't even guaranteed to work? Is it worth the risk of another miscarriage if the IVF does work? Is it worth the lifestyle change we would experience as parents? Brandon and I are getting pretty used to the DINK (Dual Income No Kids) lifestyle. And while I have no idea if I'll enjoy being a parent more than not being one, I do know that I like my life the way it is now. So would I be okay with having a completely different one with children? Should I just stick with what I know, a life that already makes me happy? It's a hard question to answer. While our freedom would be restricted with kids, our lives would have more of a purpose and meaning. Having children could make me happier than I am now, but sometimes I feel like I should just be satisfied and thankful for my life the way it is.

Even knowing that I would want that new lifestyle isn't good enough. The next question would be "How far am I willing to go"? When is enough enough? I'm stubborn by nature so it's not like me to give up so easily. But I'm also a big saver and I hate to see money leave our savings account. We've already spent $12,000 on the road to parenthood and have nothing to show for it. I try not to think about it, about how long it took to put that money into savings. Of course Brandon and I still took vacations and spent lots of money while we were saving up but that was when we were DINK's. Now I'm unemployed and that savings won't be going up anymore, unless I get a job. Another IVF cycle or adoption would wipe it out and we'd be back at square one.

I shouldn't have to be asking these questions and deciding how bad I want children. I didn't ask to be infertile. I didn't expect this to be so hard and so expensive and so frustrating. But maybe if I didn't have infertility I would have rushed into the decision to become a parent long before I was ready. Maybe the reason I have infertility is so I can take these long years to think it through and make sure I even want to be a parent at all. Maybe God knew that's what I needed to make me slow down and think. Parenthood could be more than I ever hoped for, or it could be something that's not for me. But its hard to be confident that you want something when you've never had it before. I guess I'll never really know what being a parent is like until I become one. Sometimes I feel like I want to be a mom more than anything in the world and sometimes I feel like it's something I can live without, which makes me feel like I don't really deserve to have kids. What's bad is that infertility may have taught me to think this way, as sort of a self-preservation. To prepare myself for the possibility that I might not have children. It's confusing to say the least.

A good friend once asked me a few years ago if I really wanted kids or if I just wanted to beat infertility. I was seriously offended by the question at the time but now I realize that she had a point. How much of this journey is because I really want kids and how much of it is because I want to overcome infertility?

Perhaps the journey started out because I truly wanted to be a mom but over the years infertility changed it into something different. The desire for parenthood was still there but the focus had shifted elsewhere, to the desire to be "normal" like other fertile couples. It became more important for me to beat my infertility and get pregnant than it was to just become a mom. I had always been open to the idea of adoption and foster parenting but was so focused on my infertility that I never saw that it too was a road to parenthood. I was too determined to fix my broken body that I lost sight of my original dream. And now I'm questioning whether that dream is still the one I want.

Maybe I'm not cut out for parenthood. Maybe I'm too set in my ways to want to change everything around for a screaming, wiggling little being that has the ability to suck the energy right out of you.

Or maybe I was meant to be a parent all along, and my child has been waiting just as long to meet me as I've been waiting to meet them. And maybe the first day of their lives will be the beginning of the greatest chapter in mine.

Adoption or IVF

I know Brandon and I are physically taking a break from TTC until this summer but it's hard to take a break mentally. I find myself constantly thinking about my last IVF cycle, the hope and joy I felt when I learned I was pregnant and the utter devastation that followed when the baby was no longer there. Sometimes I still feel like I couldn't possibly go through that again and yet I want a child more than anything.

We have 2 embryos to try a FET but honestly I'm not counting on it. With the thaw rate at only 50% and both embryos being grade 2, I think our chance of success will be minimal. So I'm looking past that and trying to hash out how we can build our family with the least amount of heartache (and money). Brandon is all for another cycle of IVF if the pathology report from the D&C shows that there's nothing wrong with us. I'm hesitant to do another cycle 1) because I think I have crappy eggs, hence the miscarriages and 2) the chance of getting pregnant is only 50%, the chance of staying pregnant is only 70%. Not very good odds.

We discussed embryo adoption as a possible option. There is an agency that lists their fees, which are about $3,000 to get into the program and $3,000 for a FET. You get three tries before having to reapply. It sounds reasonable but the wait can 10-12 months and there's lots of stuff involved such as a homestudy.

Another option is domestic infant adoption. This option is the scariest for me as it costs the most (about $25K), there are risks of failed adoptions and birth mother scams, and can take over a year to be matched. But in the end its the only option that guarantees we will bring home a baby, mostly because we just wait until one comes our way. For those that know me I hate waiting. I absolutely hate it. I feel like I've already waited years to have a child with all the combined infertility treatments we've had. How can I possibly wait two more years for my baby to come home? And how can we possibly afford $25,000 to adopt a child? We'll spend the rest of the kid's life paying it off instead of saving for their college education or our retirement!

So I'm seriously on the fence with these three options. Each one has its pros and cons and two of the options I know nothing about because I've never gone through them. I wish life were so much simpler and I didn't have to make this kind of decision. But life is full of tough choices. I can only hope I make the right one.

Ultrasound #4-Maybe the last?

First, I want to thank everyone who reassured me in my last post about using a heating pad during stim week. I've got two Thermacare back pads sitting on the desk that my grandmother gave me and the next time I get a backache I'll be sure to use them. The thing is, my backaches have gone away almost completely. I even LOST weight at my appointment this morning. I thought for sure I had ovulated and my lack of pain and bloating was a result of that. The nurses think it's because I've been drinking so much Gatorade. Much to my relief all the eggs were there. I even got the coveted Follicle Print-out which I'm more than happy to share. But first, here is today's sock picture. In preparation for Valentine's Day I wore my heart socks



So here is my report:
Lining: 13 mm
10 follicles on Left Ovary: 13, 14, 14, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 18, 18
10 follicles on Right Ovary: 13, 13, 14, 14, 14, 16, 17, 19, 19, 21

I'm 95% sure that I'm going to trigger tonight. The doctors usually go in 36 hours later to retrieve the eggs so that should give plenty of time for the smaller ones to catch up. The 21 mm follicle might be overripe by retrieval though. Still, I'm pretty happy with my results. I just hope most of them are mature. Wish me luck!

**Update** Nurse D called this afternoon. I'm taking my trigger shot at 10:25 tonight and my retrieval is set for 10:45 on Wednesday!

Ultrasound #3

Today at the ultrasound I featured my cuy socks. For anyone who doesn't know what cuy is (which is probably everybody) you can find out for yourself here but animal lovers beware. I bought the socks while in Peru because I had decided to try the Peruvian delicacy during my visit. It was by far the worst food I had ever tasted. The skin was thick and rubbery and the meat did not taste good at all. The cuy is served whole, with its head, bucked teeth and little paws still attached. Not a pretty site. I wouldn't recommend it for anyone going to Peru.



So the doctor's office was running far behind today. I sat in the waiting room for two hours before I was called back for my ultrasound. It appears that I'm chugging along just fine with my 20 follicles. They're about 14mm I think. I wasn't given the sizes. My E2 levels shot up to 1,700 though. I wasn't prepared for that. But Nurse D says I'm doing perfect, that I'm the textbook patient and I don't have to be back until Monday morning. Her words made me feel so much better but at the same time, I'm really starting to get my hopes up. I think I would be very disappointed if this cycle didn't work. After all, if a textbook perfect cycle ends up with a BFN, what more can you do?

At least my husband gets here Monday morning. I think this cycle will become a lot more tolerable once he gets here. I asked Nurse D about using Ben-Gay for my backaches and she said it was fine (I didn't mention the horse part). So I went to the drug store this afternoon and bought some Icy Hot back patches and a reusable hot/cold pack. I think that should last me until retrieval. I also had lunch with one of the IVF girls. More of us were supposed to go out but me and her ended up being really late due to the doctor's office so we missed the actual lunch date and just ate by ourselves. I'm so glad that I've got to meet the other ladies that I'm cycling with. It's making this whole experience much better for "The Newbie"!

Ultrasound #2

Today I had my second ultrasound. I decided that I would wear some type of funky socks to each of my exams. I got the idea from Fertility Socks. I had applied for a pair of socks through their website a couple months ago but alas, they did not show up in time for my IVF cycle. So I bought some of my own! And I yanked out the ones I had laying around in my drawer. Today's first pair of socks was a Halloween gift from my co-worker K. I have to admit, it was about a month before I even brought the buggers home and she complained that I didn't like her present. So here K, your Halloween socks are keeping my feet warm in the stirrups!



The ultrasound was not done by Dr. P today, instead I had an ultrasound technician. She didn't let me know how many follicles I had, but I'm guessing it's the same amount. It appeared that one of the follicles was 15mm, which kinda freaked me out. I thought it was growing too fast. But Nurse D said everything looks good and now I'm just waiting on her phone call for my E2 levels and what I should do about tonight's medication.

**UPDATE** Nurse D called. My E2 is now at 908 and there are about 20 follicles in the 8-12mm range. There's also a couple 13's and a 14 but those will probably be overcooked by the time we trigger so for now they are focusing on the larger group of smaller follicles. Brandon is very impressed, apparently he didn't think the results would be this good. I figured all along we would get about 20 follicles due to my PCOS. Let's just hope they're all GOOD follicles!

ICLWer's Welcome!

Welcome to my first IComLeavWe. I'm sure there will be a learning curve in this process while I experience a few hiccups as I try to figure this out. My name is Christa, I currently reside in Washington State with my husband. I'm originally from NC, he's from UT. He's a submariner in the Navy so we will not be living here long. We hope to move to sunny Georgia this summer.

I'm currently in Fayetteville, NC going through my first IVF cycle. There are only 6 Military Treatment Facilities in the US that coordinate IVF and the closest one to use (Madigan) has a wait list until April 2011. So I flew out here to Womack because 1) There is no wait list and 2) because I have family living close by who can visit me. Although it turns out that none of them are visiting me so I'm hoping for a visit from a friend or two during the next two weeks. At least I've made a few new friends when I met some of the other girls who are cycling with me this month.

I've only had one ultrasound so far in this cycle but the next week should be a flurry of activity, which I will constantly blog about because I have nothing better to do. So please make yourself at home and feel free to feed Winston, he's always hungry!

A very long day

Well I finally made it to good ol' Fayetteville. I flew in to Raleigh and picked up my rental car and called Nurse D on the way to Fort Bragg. She wanted me to come in for an u/s right away. She was a bit concerned about how I was responding to the stim medication, considering this is my first IVF. I have to admit, I was a little worried too. So my first stop is to Womack for a date with the dildo cam. It turns out that I have about 18 follicles (though I think Dr. P counted some twice) with varying sizes from 7mm to 11mm. My E2 levels were about 660. Nurse D says that's great. That's exactly what I needed to hear. I was so worried that I wouldn't respond well to this medication and now I'm feeling much more relaxed. So I'm chugging along with the same protocol that I've had the past 5 days and I'll go back tomorrow morning for another ultrasound.

After my appointment I checked in at the Fisher House. It's pretty nice, it looks just like a big house with 8 rooms, a kitchen, dining room and living room. They have a computer for internet access (I'm too dumb to figure out how to connect my laptop to the wireless internet). They have two full-size beds and a bathroom in each room with a TV. Downstairs they have a huge bookshelf filled with books, DVD's and VHS movies. I picked up Harry Potter. I started reading the books and I'm getting addicted. Anyway, I think tonight I'll just order a pizza and watch my movie. Tomorrow I'll need to go to the commissary for some real food and a few odds and ends.

Goodbye, Dear Savings

Today I parted with $6,185 of my savings. This went to pay for my IVF cycle plus ICSI. I won't pay for the cryopreservation until it's time to freeze the embabies. I also purchased our plane tickets for our trip and reserved my rental car. Now I just have a few more things to take care of.

1) Pack for my two-week trip
2) Place a reservation at the kennel for the dog
3) Place a reservation at the airport parking
4) Wait for my box of Lupron to arrive tomorrow
5) Try to RELAX!

The relaxing part won't happen today, not while the thought of parting with $6,000 of my money is still fresh in my mind. So for now I will just say goodbye to my savings. I hope we meet again some day, preferably in the form of a living breathing child.