My little red Christmas present

Well after all that worrying and panicking Aunt Flo decided to make an appearance on Christmas Day. Just in the nick of time! I had never been so relieved to get my period. Let's just hope I don't have to see one for another 9 months or so. Now I'm on birth control and anxiously awaiting my baseline ultrasound on January 4th. Then I can anxiously await getting off birth control and starting my meds. I can't believe it's only a few weeks away before I drop a cool 10 G's on the chance of having a baby.

Speaking of 10 G's, I'm actually a little hesitant to go through with this and part with my hard earned money. I don't know why I've been feeling this way lately. After all, I was saving up the money specifically for IVF treatments. If I didn't have the money and I had to take out a loan for this cycle, I wouldn't think twice about it. I'd just pay it off month by month, no big deal. But for some reason it's harder for me to let go of the actual cash that's in my savings right now. I think I'm just worried that as soon as it leaves my bank account something will go wrong. The car will break down, the dog will get sick, I'll lose my job. But all those fears are unfounded because even after we pay for IVF we'll still have some money in savings for an emergency. So why is this SO hard for me? I feel horrible, like I don't want children bad enough or something. I hope I'm not the only person who has ever had a hard time letting go of their savings in order to have a child. Please speak up if you've ever felt this way! I would greatly appreciate some reassurance.

Where are you AF??

I'm starting to panic a little. I am waiting for AF to arrive so I can start birth control pills on cd3. I need to be on bcp's for at least two weeks before getting off them to start the stims. However my scheduled day to get off bcp's is January 12th. That means that if I don't get my period by Saturday then I won't be on the bcp's for two weeks before stopping them which means that my IVF schedule will be screwed up or worse, pushed back to another month. My last day of Provera was Saturday and I forgot how long it usually takes for AF to show up. Perhaps this is normal and I should just relax. But I only have three days left!! AHHHHHH!!!!
Thank God I started acupuncture again yesterday. It usually helps me relax and I sleep better. In fact, I sleep during all my acupuncture appointments so it's like I get a nap twice a week! I'm just a little disappointed that I have to travel for my IVF so I won't be able to continue treatment while I'm in NC unless I find a new acupuncturist out there that can treat me for two weeks. But that makes me a little nervous, I would rather stick with the guy I'm used to. But if the end result gets me a baby then it will all be worth it. I can't believe it's only a few weeks away!

Can't a girl get a break???

Today is cd19 and the bleeding it still there. It's so light it could be considered spotting but I still need to wear a tampon. I've been cramping a teeny tiny bit which probably isn't good. So I called the nurse up to see if I should be concerned. She wants me to come in on Monday morning for a follicle/lining check. I don't understand what this means but she said if the lining is still really thick then they might consider keeping me on birth control for another month so everything can straighten itself out. I was very bummed to hear that. I would hate to postpone my baby making for another month. It's bad enough that they're taking the fun out of getting pregnant, the least they could do is not delay it another month. My acupuncturist hasn't been able to get the bleeding to stop either so maybe there's really something wrong with me. I guess I'll find out on Monday. For now I'll try not to think about it and instead enjoy this plate of chocolate chip cookies that a co-worker brought in. YUM!