Missing Ireland

Let’s take a moment from the reality that is about befall me tomorrow during my beta testing and talk about Ireland. Brandon and I have been many places together: Peru, Mexico, British Columbia, Ireland and (I think) 42 out of the 50 states. I’ve always held the belief that I would never choose to go to the same place twice while on vacation, mostly because if I’m going to take a vacation (particularly an expensive one or one overseas) I don’t want to waste my two precious weeks in a place I’ve already been to. Peru almost changed my mind about that. Brandon and I fell in love with the Amazon, the wilderness, the food, the sounds, the animals, and the nights that were so dark you literally couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. The fact that I didn’t come across a single snake or spider probably helped preserve those good memories of Peru.

But Ireland was different, so much different than any vacation or experience I’ve ever had. It was what I wish my trip to Peru had been: life-changing. It wasn’t anything in particular, but instead was the whole thing. It was the people, the food, the adventure, the scenery, the drinks, and the bonding time that I got with Brandon. Every moment in Ireland was the best moment of my life.

It’s been 4 months since we got back and not a week goes by that I don’t think about the Emerald Isle. I’ve never missed a country as much as I miss Ireland and I yearn for the chance to go back and live there someday.

These aren’t just words either. Brandon and I have been planning for some time to eventually move to Europe. Not anytime soon, we would probably be in our 50’s by the time we get around to doing it. And maybe not forever, maybe just for 5 or 10 years. You see, Brandon wants to be a scientist. He wants to eventually get his PhD in math or physics and get a research grant, preferably on something to do with the origins of the universe (kinda like Stephen Hawking). He feels that once he gets his PhD, we could move to Europe where he can set his own schedule doing research. But since the research grants only last for a few years, he would either have to keep getting grants or we’d have to eventually move back to the US. I don’t think we could afford to retire in Europe.

I’m totally supportive of his dream, except that he’s wanting to move to Switzerland, where he says all the good research companies are. I’m not too keen on learning a new language (German) at the age of 50. I know many Swiss do speak some English but if I’m going to live in their country I can’t expect them to accommodate me all the time by speaking it. I, on the other hand, would rather move to a primarily English-speaking country like the U.K., Scotland or Ireland…especially Ireland. I did tell Brandon that I’d give Switzerland a “try”, meaning I would at least visit the country for a couple weeks before saying no. But it’s got tough competition compared to Ireland. Brandon argues that we’re going to move wherever he gets a job but with a PhD I’m sure that won’t be hard. Besides, if he gets a research grant he could work practically anywhere, right? After all, his brain is pretty portable.

**At this point the post turns political. Skip to the last paragraph if you’re not open-minded or respectful when it comes to politics or people whose views are different than yours.**

We have other reasons for wanting to move to Europe, most of them dealing with politics. I don’t talk about politics on this blog much, but I just feel that the America that exists today is not the America that I once loved. It’s almost like the America I love is nothing more than a dream. There was once a time when a foreigner could come to America, work hard, and make a life for his family. There was once a time when the voice of the American people was heard. That time is long gone. Now the government belongs to the highest bidder, corporations with the biggest wallets and the loudest mouths (and that’s coming from someone who works for a GIANT corporation). The politicians don’t care about the average American because the average American didn’t pay to get them in office. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer and the middle class are eventually shoved into one group or the other. It just doesn’t seem right to me anymore.

In a nutshell, I believe that with greater wealth comes greater responsibility to society. Call us Social.ists if you like, it won’t hurt my feelings, and I realize these words may cause me to lose many followers. Yes, we both believe in socialized healthcare and socialized retirement. In fact, the US is one of the only developed countries that doesn’t have socialized healthcare. We believe in the welfare system. My mom was on welfare when I was a toddler. It helped her when she needed it most and for that I am grateful. And yes, Ireland isn’t exactly gleaming in comparison to the US. They have a shitty unemployment rate right now, but they’re doing quite a few things right. For example, vehicles aren’t taxed annually based on their value, like they are in many states in the US. They’re taxed based on the engine size and CO2 emissions. It sounds so ingenious but really it’s just plain common sense. After all, why should a person pay more property taxes on a new hybrid car than an old beat-up truck that gets 8mpg? Where’s the incentive to go green in a situation like that?

Well, anyway, those are my views and I’m just stating them, not trying to start a debate in my comments box. I don’t shout them from the rooftops on my blog, though I’ve been known to voice my opinion on Facebook a bit, which has lost me quite a few friends on there as well. C’est la vie.

So maybe in the far and distant future (like 5 or 10 years) Brandon and I will take a nice vacation to Switzerland. And maybe we’ll even move there. But I have a feeling my heart will always be in Ireland.

I'm Back

Hey ladies, I'm just posting a quick note to say that I'm back from Ireland! It was an exhausting trip and afterward Brandon and I agreed to keep our future vacations to 10 days or less. Anything longer than that and it kinda wears on us and we get a little homesick. Maybe we're just getting old. We also decided that our next big vacation (if we don't have kids) would NOT be an adventure but a relaxing vacation on the beach somewhere. Maybe Indonesia. But that is very far into the future and we're not making plans for that anytime soon. Our next vacation will be at the end of July for my 30th birthday. I'm going to Orlando to see family and of course the Harry Potter theme park!

For now I'm going to be posting all about our trip in three separate posts with the last post discussing my Ireland giveaway! I hope to have the first post up by tomorrow.

On a completely unrelated note, for the Womack ladies who go to Dr. P for fertility treatments, he's putting together a book of our personal stories. If you're interested in sharing your journey of infertility please email it to ourparkerjourneys@gmail.com. I'm not sure if I'm going to include my story unless it turns out to be a successful one. I doubt anyone wants to hear the long journey of 2 IVF's and 2-3 FET's and no pregnancy to show for it lol

I Made a Decision But The Queen Said No

After giving my dilemma situation some thought (and making sure Fran could meet me on the 19th) Brandon and I decided to take the free night at the castle and just meet up with Fran on our first day. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that we could still do everything we wanted while also staying an extra night at a kick-ass hotel.

Before I begin my rant, perhaps you haven't heard but Queen Elizabeth II (QE2) and Prince Philip will be visiting Ireland May 17-20. Obama will be there on the 23rd but we'll be on the other side of the country by then. I've known about this for a while and thought it was just a neat coincidence until I realized what a big deal this is for Ireland. Apparently a British monarch hasn't visited the country in almost 100 years. Some people are looking forward to it, others not so much. At any rate it will make the city pretty hectic to be in for a few days. There are some planned protests and threats of terrosit attacks (thank God my grandmother doesn't know or she'd be freaking out!) so Ireland is pulling out all the stops when it comes to security. I heard they have about 8,000 police workers on hand for this event. There's road closures and detours and checkpoints, the whole nine. And up until today it never occurred to me that her visit would create such a hassle for our vacation.

So this morning I got an email from my co-worker. You see, Pf.izer has a site in Dublin (they have a site in almost every country it seems) and my co-worker just flew there this past weekend on business. She's going to be there for two weeks and received a few email links from another person on things she should check out while she's in the area. One of those links was to the bus tour that Brandon and I had booked for our first day in Dublin. I had been planning to go on this sightseeing tour but in order to receive a discount I booked (and paid for) our tickets online a couple weeks ago. But if you just clicked the link you would see that due to the road closures from The Queen's visit, the bus tour isn't running on the day that we'll be in Dublin. In fact it's closed down for three days! I was so pissed. I had a confirmed booking and this company didn't bother to email me and let me know that we wouldn't be able to take this tour. I had to find out from someone else and it's a good thing she remembered our plans or I would have shown up at the ticket office on Thursday and no one would be there.

The silver lining of this whole situation is that we at least won't be in Dublin when QE2 is there for her scheduled events. By the time we get to Dublin she'll be visiting in another town, though I think she's lodging somewhere in Dublin so there will still be road closures and tight security for us to deal with. Another place we plan on visiting, the Rock of Cashel, is going to be closed for five days just because The Queen is going to be there for a few short hours. It's craziness. Luckily for us the Rock opens back up the day we're scheduled to go there, so we don't have to miss out on that too.

So I think we're going to have to wing it on our first day in Ireland. My itinerary for that day just flew out the window. Our planned trip to Dublin Castle will likely be squashed due to the high security, though I still plan to visit Ha'Penny Bridge (they surely can't close a bridge, can they?) and to St. Patrick's Cathedral. I hear the Guinness Storehouse will be closed but the Dublin Zoo will be open so maybe we can find something else to do that wasn't on my almighty itinerary. Either way I think we'll have to skip the third night at the Ballynahinch so we can make our way back to Dublin and see all the stuff we missed on our first day. And maybe meet up with Fran again!

Things may not run too smoothly when we get there but I suppose they have a way of working themselves out.

Waiting Sucks

There's a few important things I'm waiting on in my life right now that's causing me a bit of stress. The most important one is my FET schedule. I'm due for a baseline ultrasound in less than 2 weeks, if my calculations are right. So it's a bit stressful to not have a schedule detailing all the other appointments I need. I still have to book my flight, hotel, rental car and ultrasound appointments and it's all on hold till I get that piece of paper. I'm trying not to stress about it but it's getting to me.

So let's talk about something else, shall we? The raffle for the Lost Stork Foundation ends on Saturday so please check it out and buy a ticket if you can. We haven't sold any raffle tickets so far and the end of the raffle is only two days away! Also, the LSF has moved from a Facebook group to a Facebook page so followers can get updates through their news feed instead of having to visit the group's page. Unfortunately followers of the group could not be moved to the page so please stop by and click "Like" if you would like to receive updates from the Lost Stork!

In adoption news we've got an appointment next week with my PCM to discuss substance abuse issues and their effects on babies. We just don't have enough information to make an informed decision and since it's part of our adoption questionnaire we need get more information before we can fill that section out. I specifically asked for an appointment with a pediatrician but we've got no kids so apparently that isn't an option. I was told that if my PCM doesn't know the answer to some of our questions then she can just run over to the Pediatrics Dept and ask someone. WTF. I hate Tricare sometimes.

I'm starting to get things ready for our trip to Ireland, even though it's two months away. I need to buy a power converter for our electronic stuff so that will need to be ordered soon. And I'm going to pack the things we don't plan on using between now and then, like our camera and tripod. I've also got plans to meet two blog friends on our trip, Fran from Everyone else but me and Mrs S. from Him+Me+Three?Maybe. I'm so excited! Fran lives in Dublin so it was only natural to make plans to meet her and her precious baby Oliver. But Mrs S. is also planning a trip to Ireland/London the same two weeks we're going and it just so happens that we'll be in the Galway at the same time! How cool is that? I'm so excited to be able to meet two blog friends on my upcoming vacation. I told Brandon about it and our conversation went a little like this:

Me: Hey babe, you know how we're meeting Fran when we go to Ireland? Well now we're meeting another blog friend of mine, only she's from the US and will just happen to be in Ireland at the same time!
Brandon: Really? So we're actually going to be meeting Fran?
Me: Of course we are, I just haven't hashed out the exact plans. Why do you think we wouldn't meet her?
Brandon: Because it wasn't on your itinerary.

Well played, Brandon, well played. Looks like I'll have to add my friends to my itinerary so he isn't confused anymore. Sheesh.

ICLW Welcome & Other Random Updates

First off, I'd like to say hello to everyone stopping by for ICLW. For those of you unfamiliar with ICLW, it stands for International Commenting Leaving Week. Mel from Stirrup Queens hosts the event every month and it's a way to socialize with others in the ALI community. I encourage everyone to give it a try!

So I suppose introductions are in order. I'm Christa, author of Fearlessly Infertile. My husband and I are currently residing in CT, though we're a military family and we move alot so we're hoping to make it back to the West Coast in a couple years. Not that we hate CT (actually we do) but we really miss living in Washington. We've been married 3 1/2 years and have been trying to conceive since before then. 2 IVF's and a FET later we have one miscarriage and 5 frozen embryos to show for it, but alas no baby. So now we're in the "boring" part of FET #2...waiting for AF to show up. I'm on the last few days of Provera, just twiddling my thumbs for the moment. Transfer Day is scheduled for May 2nd. We're also researching domestic adoption and have an application on our desk ready to be filled out. But for now we're just going to prep our house for a homestudy and not really pursue anything adoption-wise until we're done with infertility treatments.

So as I wait to embark on FET #2 I decided to keep myself busy. I recently hit 200 followers (yay!) and I'm hosting an awesomely awesome raffle to benefit the Lost Stork Foundation. The LSF is a new non-profit organization that will be providing grants to infertile and adoptive couples. It's in its infancy so they're not accepting applications yet but they're trying to build their grant fund and could use your help! Because I'm a sucker for a good cause I put together an anti-stress gift set to raffle off this week.

Check out the detailed info here and please please please donate if you can. We all know how much infertility and adoption can cost and we have a great new organization that wants to help our community. But first they need our help, not just by spreading the word but by opening our pocketbooks. And considering a $1 ticket is less than the cost of a cup of coffee, it won't break anyone's bank. So please enter the raffle if you can! Entires are accepted through Saturday March 26th and the winner will be announced the next day.

In other news, I copped out on the 5K run this weekend, the one where I only had 8 measly days to prepare. I didn't see the point in paying $60 for me and Brandon to attend when I knew I'd be walking the whole time. I wanted more of a challenge than that. And I think I'm on the verge of giving up on my weight loss quest (for the record I weighed in at 198.6 this morning, but who's counting). With everything else that's going on right now I just don't have time to hit the gym or the track. Our gym membership expires in May and we're probably not going to renew it. That $55 a month can be utilized somewhere else in our budget (mainly for adoption). It will suck having to drive 30 minutes to the gym on base but at least we have a free resource (even if they have no air conditioning and it gets really hot in the summer). And I can diet on my own and save another $18 a month by dumping the Weight Watchers Online account. So I'm weighing my options on that (pardon the pun).

And raise your hand if you noticed that I now have less than 60 days till Ireland!!!!! For my ICLW visitors who don't know, my husband and I are going to Ireland in mid-May, right after our FET. I'll know before we leave whether I'm preggo but I won't get my first ultrasound till after we get back. I'm so so very excited to be going and I hope I get to meet some blog friends while I'm there!

Well that's it for the updates. I hope everyone enjoys their visit to my little corner of the blog world and feel free to stop by and say hello every now and then!

Life is Boring

I suppose I owe you guys an update of sorts, yet there isn't much to talk about, at least not much that I feel like talking about right now. I'm still seeing my acupuncturist once a week, though I'm not sure if I like her. On our first visit I had to sit there and give her my entire menstrual history, starting from my first period. By the time I got to IVF #1, she was giving me this most sorrowful look, as though I had told her I had terminal cancer. Hold the tears, lady, the story ain't over yet. Now during every visit she's asking me how I'm feeling and insists on giving me a hug every time I see her, along with her sorrowful looks. It's a nice gesture once or twice but she's overkill.

We decided not to do the clinical trial. It's not completely free, we would still be on the hook for anesthesia during retrieval ($800) and meds (though I'm not sure if Tricare would pay for those). It's just Estrace and Endometrin, which they paid for during my IVF cycles. It would have been an easy cycle to do, no injections to take (not even Lupron), no daily ultrasound visits (I think they only wanted to do two) but we're really over the whole fertility treatments right now. Maybe in five years we'll revisit the idea but for now we're just going to finish up these FET's and be done with it. Our priority now is to be parents, we could care less about getting pregnant.

On the adoption front we paid the $200 pre-application fee and got our Big Packet in the mail. We read through everything but we're not ready to start chipping away at the paperwork yet. For now we're going to focus on little stuff, selling a few things on Craigslist and eBay, painting the future nursery, and then when we get back from Ireland we'll start scheduling our homestudy and all that.

Speaking of Ireland, 69 more days! After doing more research on our trip (cause you can never do too much research!) I kinda had my heart set on visiting Skellig Michael to see some puffins. I love saying that word...puffin. I smile every time I do. But I digress. Unfortunately I couldn't find a way to fit the puffin (*smile*) trip into our schedule so we're going fishing in Dingle instead. I love fishing!

And there's no way I can tie fishing into this next subject but I just felt like I needed a little FB rant. I have a friend from high school who just got married in March of last year. His wife had a little girl in September (don't bother doing the math, she was 3 months along) and his status update today said "IT'S A BOY!!!!" What.the.fuck. Don't you have to be like 4 months along to find out the sex? So that means her baby was like 8 weeks old when she got knocked up again? It never ceases to amaze me how easily some people can procreate as I sit here barren as a wasteland. Le sigh.

Ireland: The Finalized Itinerary

Only 108 days till we leave for Ireland! I'm so very very excited (cue the Snoopy dance). I booked our plane tickets yesterday and while I didn't get them for under $600 like I wanted (they were $635) I did end up getting a nonstop flight which is pretty awesome. That just makes our trip about 6 hours instead of 12-21 hours with layover flights.

Quite a few things changed from my last Ireland itinerary post so I'm going to share the new one with you here, links and all. And of course it's just as detailed as the last, after doing countless hours of research and getting made fun of by the hubby. Some of the activities I have listed are questionable only because if I get pregnant I probably won't be able to do them (and our budget might be stretched a little thin if we do them all). So for those activities I put a question mark.

Unfortunately County Sligo had to be knocked off the end of the trip. Brandon and I wanted to stay at two castles, the Ballynahinch (how in the world do you pronounce that?) and the Markree Castle but the Markree is booked for two weddings during our trip and the place is full. Since staying there was half the reason we were traveling so far north to Co. Sligo (seeing BenBulben was the other half) we decided to skip that part of the trip and stay an extra night at the Ballynahinch. It's okay because it gives us more time to relax and less time on the road. So without further ado.......our itinerary!

Thursday May 19th- Arrive in Dublin at approx 5:45 am. Take the Dublin bus tour (visiting Dublin Castle, St Patrick's Cathedral, and Molly Malone Statue). Eat at La Maison. Stay overnight at the Temple Bar hotel (or another hotel close to the City Centre).

Friday May 20th- Pick up rental car. Leave at 8 am for Kilkenny. Arrive at 10 am. Visit Kilkenny Castle and shop. Stay overnight at Carriglea B&B.

Saturday May 21st- Leave at 9 am for Kinsale, stopping to see the Rock of Cashel on the way. Arrive to Kinsale around 1 pm. Take a Kinsale Heritage Walking Tour? at 3 pm. Stay overnight at the Landfall House.

Sunday May 22nd- Leave at 7 am for Killarney. Arrive at 9 am. Visit Ross Castle and Muckross House (rent bicycles for the day?).

Monday May 23rd- Leave at 7 am to travel the Ring of Kerry. Arrive around 4 pm in Dingle. Visit O'Flaherty's pub. Stay overnight at the Seaside Haven.

Tuesday May 24th- Travel the Slea Head Drive loop in Dingle. Go horseback riding? Eat at An Canteen. Stay another night at the Seaside Haven.

Wednesday May 25th- Leave at 7 am for Doolin via Connor Pass. Arrive at noon. Visit the Cliffs of Moher, take a 1 hour boat cruise? Eat at Cullinan's and visit O'Connor's pub. Stay overnight at Daly's House.

Thursday May 26th- Leave at 9 am for Galway. Arrive at 11am. Take a walking tour or ride the Corrib Princess. Trad on the Prom dinner and show starting at 7 pm. Stay overnight at Amber Hill B&B.

Friday May 27th- Leave at 11 am for Letterfrack. Arrive at 1 pm. Visit Kylemore Abbey and drive the Connemara loop. Stay overnight at the Ballynahinch Castle in Recess.

Saturday May 28th- Leisurely day walking the castle grounds (there's 450 acres of it). Horseback riding(?) or go back to Galway for some shopping at the Saturday market. Stay another night at the Ballynahinch.

Sunday May 29th- Leave at 7 am for Dublin. Arrive at noon. Shop at Cow's Lane near Temple Bar. Stay overnight at the Temple Bar hotel.

Monday May 30th- Leave at 11 am for home.

The next few weeks will be spent booking all the lodging and activities. So far I've only booked the Ballynahinch, Trad on the Prom, and our plane tickets. Some of this stuff we won't book in advance because there's really no need. We also plan to get the Heritage Card so the admission to most of the castles and stuff will be free.

I'm so excited I can hardly wait!!

WW Weigh In Week Something or Other

I forgot what week this is. Week 7? 6? I'll go back and do the match. Anyway, so I weighed in this morning at 200.2 for a loss of exactly one pound. I did so well on my diet Monday through Thursday but Friday and Saturday were a complete flop. But I'm happy with my loss this week. Unfortunately I think I'm done exercising till after the 2WW so the next 3 or 4 weeks might be difficult in the weight loss department.

Today I'm bumping my Estrace up to 3 times a day which will suck. I had a system for the twice-a-day routine: Get up in the am, insert the pill, and go back to bed for at least an hour to let it dissolve. Then take my pill right before bed in the evening. I had hardly any mess when doing that routine. Now that I'll be taking an extra pill in the middle of the day (at work no less!) I'm sure my vagina will be turning into the Blue LaGoo. But it's all worth it in the end, right?

I've also been working on my itinerary for our upcoming trip to Ireland and I'll be posting an update on that soon. I hope we can buy our plane tickets this week but I'm waiting for the right flight to come along (at the right price of course). They seem to be hovering between $550 and $625 right now. I'm hoping to get our flights for less than $600 without having a 12 hour layover somewhere.

Other than that, not much going on right now!

Our Trip to Ireland

Planning a trip is hard work. Especially for our trip to Ireland. It's an international trip which requires extra research. And because we're traveling all over the country, it requires more planning because we have to find a hotel for each and every place we visit, along with the things we want to do. And because I'm a natural born planner, I've decided to create an itinerary for this trip. And because I'm sure you're curious, I've decided to share said itinerary on my blog. Forgive all the links but many of these places have their own websites so if you're so inclined, you can check them out. The dates are tentative pending Brandon's leave approval but they shouldn't have to change by more than a day or two.

Wednesday May 18th
• Arrive in Dublin in the morning after taking a red-eye flight. Visit Ha’Penny Bridge, and Guinness Storehouse. Stay overnight in Dublin.

Thursday May 19th
• Pick up rental car at 8 am and leave for Kilkenny. Arrive at 10 am. Visit Kilkenny Castle, and shop along the Craft Trail. Travel to Graignamanagh, stay overnight at Brandon View B&B.

Friday May 20th
• Leave at 9 am for Kinsale. Arrive at noon. Take the Kinsale Heritage Town Walk at 3 pm. Stay overnight in Kinsale.

Saturday May 21st
• Leave at 7 am for Killarney. Arrive at 10 am. Take a Jaunting Car Ride, visit the Ross Castle and Gap of Dunloe. Stay overnight in Killarney.

Sunday May 22nd
• Leave at 7 am to travel the Ring of Kerry. Arrive at 4 pm in Killorglin. Stay overnight at Orglan House B&B.

Monday May 23rd
• Leave at 9 am for Dingle. Arrive at 10 am. Eat at An Canteen (Irish restaurant). Stay overnight at Pax Guest House.

Tuesday May 24th
• Leave at 7 am for Doolin. Arrive at 11 am. Visit the Cliffs of Moher, take a 1-hour boat cruise at noon or 3 pm. Eat at Cullinan’s (seafood). Visit one of the music-pubs: McDermott's, McGann's or O'Connor's. Stay overnight at Daly’s House.

Wednesday May 25th
• Leave at 9 am for Galway. Arrive at 11 am. Take a walking tour or ride the Corrib Princess boat. Stay overnight in Galway.

Thursday May 26th
• Leave at 8 am for Letterfrack. Arrive at 11 am. Visit Kylemore Abbey and hike in the Connemara National Park. Stay overnight at Ballynahinch Castle in Recess.

Friday May 27th
• Leave at 8 am for Collooney in County Sligo. Arrive at 10 am. Visit Drumcliffe Church and cemetery (burial place of W.B. Yeats), visit Lough Gill. Go horseback riding and stay overnight at Markree Castle.

Saturday May 28th
• Leave at 9 am for Dublin. Arrive at noon. Go shopping at Cow’s Lane near Temple Bar and visit Molly Malone statue (opposite Trinity College). Stay overnight in Dublin.

Sunday May 29th
• Leave in the morning for home.

This plan is still quite unfinished. I've listed some activities that we may not have time to do, and I still have to find the rest of the B&B's we plan on staying at. I also want to research more restaurants. But you get the jist of the trip. Brandon and I try to find unique things to do, and try to stay away from organized tours as much as possible to avoid the crowds. But it's hard to avoid the touristy places altogether because there's always a reason why they are so popular, otherwise no one would want to visit them. So our trip does include quite a lot of popular areas in Ireland, which can be a good and bad thing. But our plans have a little bit of everything: castles, tours, hiking, boating, horseback riding, shopping, good music, good food and if I'm not pregnant, good guinness.

I've been waiting to take this trip ever since I was a child and now it's finally coming true. I've never been so excited for anything in my life.

A Busy Week

Today I felt it was appropriate to post in remembrance of my due date from my first IVF cycle. I should be having a baby today but instead my life is much much different. Perhaps everything happens for a reason but October 20th will always be etched in my memory as the day I should have became a mom.

Aside from this sad piece of my life, this week has been surprisingly busy. Over the past two weeks I've had two job interviews, and another one is scheduled for tomorrow. Fortunately I have decided to cancel tomorrow's interview because I was offered a position for one of the other jobs I interviewed for!!! I have to submit to a drug test and background check but once all that's done I can start working. I'm hoping to start by November 1st.

Brandon and I also got new phones this week. I got a Blackberry Curve and he got a Samsung Intercept or something like that. We also switched phone companies, fron AT&T to Sprint. Sprint offers a much better family plan for unlimited data and text. Unfortunately their cell phone coverage at our house SUCKS and after just one day of dealing with it I'm getting a little pissed. Brandon loves the new phones so he's thinking about getting some device to help our cell phone reception. I forgot the name of it but it looks like a router that you plug in to your wall. It's about $100 but the savings we'll get from having Sprint versus AT&T will more than make up for that. I just think Sprint should have better coverage so we don't have to get the damn thing in the first place. But such is life.

I'm still planning our trip to Ireland. It looks like we might have to rent a car after all, though I'm nervous about it. Not only would we have to drive on the left side of the road but most of the cars are manual so that means Brandon will be doing the driving and I hate it when he drives. But I think I would be too nervous to drive and he said he's driven on the left side of the road before (once when he was in South Korea). We also decided we're probably going to skip Cork and go to Kinsale instead. I hear it's a great place for good Irish food and Brandon and I are turning into foodies (though I'm not sure if I want to try the black pudding, a.k.a. blood sausage). And we're going to skip Limerick and stay an extra day in Killarney. We might try to explore Dingle Peninsula and I hear Doolin is worth visiting so that might take up our 9th day of sightseeing. It seems the more I research things to see the more stuff I want to see!! So I'm still narrowing down our choices.

And last but not least this week marked Oso's second birthday! So here's a few pictures of our cute little pup through the years.

Big Plans

Thank you all for your kind comments on my last post. I was feeling a bit guilty for deleting those blogs I followed and for hiding some of my friends on Facebook. It's not that I'm a completely bitter woman, it's just that I don't have the energy to feel happy for someone and feel sad for myself. Once I get over this feeling of sadness I'll probably go back to reading those blogs. But not now. And some blogs I can handle reading while others I can't. It's just how it is. Fran summed up my last post so well: "I have to see the end of the road regardless of the outcome." How very true. I had to create a stopping point for myself, before my emotions took over and I made decisions and spent money I would have regretted. And that stopping point is after we use all our frozen embryos.

Speaking of frozen embryos, Brandon and I scheduled our first FET for January. Nurse D said my transfer will be around the 31st. Until then we're on our own in the baby-making department.

But on to the Big Plans. Brandon and I decided that it's finally time to redeem our consolation prize from our first IVF. I'm super excited to start planning our trip. We haven't picked the exact dates yet but we narrowed it down to two choices: mid-March during Brandon's Spring Break (we'll be there for Saint Patrick's Day!) or late May between Brandon's spring and summer classes. Both choices have their pros and cons and so it will be hard to decide when to go. We'll be going for about 11 days which will give us 9 days of sightseeing and 2 days for travel. A few friends made suggestions for us and we added them to our list of Things We Must See in Ireland. That list is:

Cliffs of Moher
Ring of Kerry
Kylemore Abbey
Drink beer in a pub (even though we hate beer, it's Ireland dammit and I'm drinking Guinness)
Visit some castles
Spend the night in a castle (Brandon has his heart set on Waterford Castle)

Aside from all the touristy stuff, we'd love to visit some small towns and go shopping and eat at little restaurants that nobody's heard of except for the locals. That is the kind of traveling that Brandon and I like to do. We like to truly experience the places we visit, not just visit the popular areas, buy some postcards and brag that we were there. Unfortunately I'm not sure if we'll have enough time to visit the popular places and the small towns. But I've got vacation planning down to a science so after I do some more research I'll have more information and I'll be able to figure out how much we'll be able to do.

We plan on making a loop around Ireland, starting in Dublin and visiting various towns along the way, hoping and praying that we can get a bus or a train to all these places. We don't plan on renting a car while we're there (hey, it worked for us in Peru and we were there for a month). So here's a rough schedule of our trip:

Day 1: Dublin (beer in a pub)
Day 2: Waterford (for the castle stay but we need to find other stuff to do there)
Day 3: Cork (Blarney Castle?)
Day 4: Killarney (Ring of Kerry)
Day 5: Limerick (no idea what to do here but I like the name of the town)
Day 6 and 7: Galway (Cliffs of Moher, Kylemore Abbey)
Day 8: Dublin

I'm not sure what to do with our 9th day of travel. Maybe we'll spend an extra day in one of those towns. We decided to avoid Northern Ireland because we didn't feel like having to switch from euros to pounds and all that. But if I do more research and find that we have time to go then we might shoot over to Belfast for a day.

So if anyone has been to Ireland or lives there (Fran!) and can give some tips or advice of things we should do, I would much appreciate it! We have plenty of time to make plans for our trip and I'm glad it will give me something to do.

Ireland, here we come....

As you can tell from my title, the ultrasound wasn't exactly a success. The spotting and cramping are gone so I felt quite foolish sitting in the ultrasound room this morning. I thought they would tell me that I overreacted a bit. Instead the doctor said he couldn't find anything. Well, that's what he said at first. There was no big black hole to indicate a sac (as shown below in a normal ultrasound, this is NOT a picture of my uterus).


Instead he saw a few wispy areas of black that were broken up by gray areas so it was very hard to tell whether it was one sac or not. Then he saw a flutter on the screen. He thought it was a heartbeat. I didn't see shit, honestly, but Brandon said he saw it too. The doctor counted the heartbeat and said it was about 90 bpm (beats per minute). He said that is much slower than it should be at 6 weeks. The "baby" (which I didn't see either, I have no idea how he could tell there was a baby on the screen) was also very tiny and he said it should be much bigger and more visible at this stage in the pregnancy. In other words, my gummy bear was a runt. He was not optimistic at all but he threw the "I still believe in miracles" bit in there.

Still, he told me to continue my medications. They took my HCG today and I have a repeat ultrasound and bloodwork on Tuesday to determine the final outcome.

Brandon thinks the doctor is wrong, that the heartbeat and size of the baby is actually normal. According to American Pregnancy the heartbeat should be 90-110 bpm at 6-7 weeks. I called the nurse to ask if the fact that my tilted uterus had anything to do with it. She said that it could, but the doctor's main concern is that the baby is much smaller than it should have been. My main concern is that there was really no defined sac. Brandon is still holding out hope that next Tuesday will show a bigger baby. As for me, I'm taking off the rose colored glasses and planning my consolation trip to Ireland. I guess Tuesday will render the final verdict.

My Consolation Prize

It's 4dp3dt and I'm not feeling a damn thing besides my sore stomach muscles. Which is just as good because I don't really feel like thinking about anything during the 2WW. I don't feel like analyzing every little twinge or oddity. I would just rather relax and sleep until it's over with. My beta is Wednesday the 10th. Tomorrow I think I will return to work although I'm starting to dread it. Everybody knows why I've been gone and I don't want people asking if I'm pregnant yet or when I'll find out. I've decided that I won't officially announce it until we see a heartbeat on the ultrasound. Of course I'll blog about my beta results but not many family and friends read my blog anyway so I should be safe. Another reason I don't want to return to work is because I found out during my IVF cycle that one of my co-workers is two months pregnant. Yippee. So if this cycle ends up with a BFN then I'm not sure how I'll handle that. I might ask to switch departments. Brandon suggested that I just quit my job but I make pretty good money and don't really want to do that, especially if the military makes him stay here for another year or two.

Brandon and I discussed quite a bit about what we'll do *if* this cycle doesn't work. Are we willing to try another fresh IVF? Are we willing to do adoption? We're honestly considering just living childless for the rest of our lives. But who knows. But I did decide on one thing: if this cycle ends up negative then I will get a pretty sweet consolation prize. That way I still have SOMETHING to look forward to this year. My consolation prize will be a trip to Ireland. We will probably go sometime in the fall when it's cheap and stay for at least 10 days, maybe two weeks. I've always wanted to visit Ireland ever since I was a little girl. I want to see the castles and abbeys and the Cliffs of Moher and meet the people. Brandon isn't too thrilled about going, he doesn't see the point. As he puts it, "We're not big beer drinkers and that's all they have in Ireland, pubs!" but I just think he doesn't have the travel bug as badly as I do. He said if I'm interested in castles then we should go to Europe, they have plenty of castles there. It's true, I'd love to go see the Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany (the one that the Disney Castle was modeled after) but I'm not really interested in visiting Europe right now. I'd rather go to Ireland. Nothing against Europe but I just think the people are friendlier on the Emerald Isle.

Some people have asked "Why don't you just save that money for another IVF?" and I realize that $2,000 would help with the cost of another IVF or adoption, but I feel that a vacation for the two of us would be really nice. Every other vacation I've taken has given me something to focus on and for once, infertility does not become the focus of our lives. That's why we take so many vacations! That is also part of the reason why Brandon and I considered living childless instead of trying more fertility treatments. I don't want to look back on the last 5 or 10 years of my life and see that it was completely consumed by infertility treatments. I don't want our lives to have revolved around cycles and medications and doctor appointments. I want to look back and see that even if we weren't able to produce a child, our lives were still fulfilling and happy. Travel really makes me happy. I love visiting new places, meeting new people and having those memories to look back on.

So if things don't work out and I end up with a BFN or worse, a miscarriage, then we'll be spending a nice two weeks in Ireland and just being happy with each other. In the end I can at least feel confident that infertility will not affect the strength of our marriage and may even make it stronger, whether we end up with children or not.