Adoption or IVF

I know Brandon and I are physically taking a break from TTC until this summer but it's hard to take a break mentally. I find myself constantly thinking about my last IVF cycle, the hope and joy I felt when I learned I was pregnant and the utter devastation that followed when the baby was no longer there. Sometimes I still feel like I couldn't possibly go through that again and yet I want a child more than anything.

We have 2 embryos to try a FET but honestly I'm not counting on it. With the thaw rate at only 50% and both embryos being grade 2, I think our chance of success will be minimal. So I'm looking past that and trying to hash out how we can build our family with the least amount of heartache (and money). Brandon is all for another cycle of IVF if the pathology report from the D&C shows that there's nothing wrong with us. I'm hesitant to do another cycle 1) because I think I have crappy eggs, hence the miscarriages and 2) the chance of getting pregnant is only 50%, the chance of staying pregnant is only 70%. Not very good odds.

We discussed embryo adoption as a possible option. There is an agency that lists their fees, which are about $3,000 to get into the program and $3,000 for a FET. You get three tries before having to reapply. It sounds reasonable but the wait can 10-12 months and there's lots of stuff involved such as a homestudy.

Another option is domestic infant adoption. This option is the scariest for me as it costs the most (about $25K), there are risks of failed adoptions and birth mother scams, and can take over a year to be matched. But in the end its the only option that guarantees we will bring home a baby, mostly because we just wait until one comes our way. For those that know me I hate waiting. I absolutely hate it. I feel like I've already waited years to have a child with all the combined infertility treatments we've had. How can I possibly wait two more years for my baby to come home? And how can we possibly afford $25,000 to adopt a child? We'll spend the rest of the kid's life paying it off instead of saving for their college education or our retirement!

So I'm seriously on the fence with these three options. Each one has its pros and cons and two of the options I know nothing about because I've never gone through them. I wish life were so much simpler and I didn't have to make this kind of decision. But life is full of tough choices. I can only hope I make the right one.