Well That Was Interesting

This past weekend was quite eventful. Brandon and I left late Friday night to try and skirt around the hurricane and hopefully miss the evacuation traffic. Only one of those worked. We missed the hurricane but as we were traveling southwest to get to I-81 we were stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic at 1:30 in the morning. The New Jersey and Pennsylvania assholes thought it would be okay to do construction in the middle of the night during a hurricane evacuation! At one point we had a 3-lane highway down to one lane, and that was right after going through a toll which opens up about 6 lanes of traffic. It was frustrating to say the least. By the time we got to my sister's house I was exhausted but we arrived half an hour before my nephew's birthday party. He recently turned 2 and his party consisted of about 8 toddlers and two infants. It wasn't too bad but there were a few times I felt a bit overwhelmed. But we managed to get through the party and I went to bed early that night.

Sunday we drove to Fayetteville, picked up my meds at Womack, checked into the hotel, and promptly fell asleep. I told the embryologist at Carolina IVF that if none of my embryos survived then I wanted a phone call so we could just go home on Monday instead of Tuesday. No use in spending money on another night in a hotel room when there was no need. Since I didn't get the call I assumed at least one had survived. I woke up after a few hours and dreaded the time when I'd have to take my "new" meds that night. These meds consisted of taking two extra progesterone tablets, but not the Endometrin ones. These were short sticks that had the consistency of a wax candle. The second medication was an applicator of gel (Metrogel) that was almost as long as my hand. It wasn't bad enough that I had to shove all this in my pillbox but Dr. P wanted me to take it all at.the.same.time. It was the most disgusting thing ever and I just kept reminding myself that this would be the only time I'd ever have to do it. I tried to fall asleep without moving an inch, wishing I had bought myself an adult diaper because I knew these pads weren't going to do the trick.

Monday morning I woke up and Brandon and I met my friend G. for breakfast. G brought her 2-year old triplets and 7-year old son with her. More baby overload. Maybe I should limit myself to 3 babies per week. I tried calling Carolina IVF to check the status of the embies, as I've done the previous two cycles, but no one answered. Oh well. My transfer was at 11 that morning, only a few hours away. We showed up on time, with a full bladder. Of course the gang of doctors were late. I waited a bit, then emptied my bladder to start over again. There was a Hispanic couple in the waiting room who brought a spanish magazine with them. It was either about pregnancy or new moms. They were discussing in Spanish the various articles in the magazine. I know a little Spanish and one article had to do with decorating a nursery. I chuckled to myself, thinking this must be their first cycle. They seemed quite optimistic. Finally Nurse D shows up and takes me back. She's running around like a crazy woman and I stop her to ask about the embies. She paused enough to say they both look good, 8-cell grade 1's.

Ummm, excuse me??

We froze a 5-cell and a 4-cell, both grade 2's, the crappiest of our 11 frozen embryos. And we now have two perfect 8-cell embryos? What the what?? I didn't even know that was possible. I seriously didn't believe it. I asked Nurse D to check and make sure she had the right folder. She did, and then went to ask the embryologist if the information was right. I was told it was. Not only that, but these embryos didn't lose any cells when they were thawed, unlike the previous two FET's. I was completely stunned, and even felt a bit ashamed because I had assumed this transfer wouldn't even happen. I didn't think my embryos would survive, and I was so convinced that I didn't even bother to take prenatal vitamins or my Metformin this cycle. I know, I'm bad.

The rest of the transfer went smoothly, though Dr P needed an extra swab to get rid of the progesterone before inserting the catheter. I told him it was his fault, which he admitted it was (good ol' Dr P). Then Brandon drove me back to the hotel for another nap. That night we had dinner with my friend Susanne and her 4-month old baby. More babies! Maybe I should have rubbed her on my tummy for good luck. She was a cutie pie though.

But let's get back to the real issue here. The embryos. The 12-hour drive back gave me a lot of time to think, and I'd like to share those thoughts here.

First, we're a military family so we get military doctors. In a way, that's kinda good for infertility treatment. My doctor doesn't give a rat's ass about making a profit, or improving his statistics (well maybe he does a little, but not so he can get new patients or charge higher rates). All he cares about is getting us knocked up. So when it comes down to the final decisions, it's usually left up to us. Dr. P, as a general rule, won't retrieve a woman with less than 6 mature follicles, but he negotiates under certain circumstances. He almost always does a day 3 transfer but if you insist, I'm sure he'll let you do a day 5. In other words, he's a flexible guy. It's your embryos after all, and that's what it really boils down to. They are your embryos. I know ladies on forums and blogs whose doctors refuse to do day 3 transfers, or won't freeze an embryo that's less than a certain quality. Yet Dr. P froze these shitty embryos and miraculously they survived the thaw and turned out to be a better quality. Not just better, it's as if they completely transformed into a new embryo. I mean, seriously, who ever heard of freezing a 4-cell grade 2, thawing it, and the next day it's an 8-cell grade 1? I certainly haven't.

And that concerns me a bit. It concerns me because I know there are women out there who had the same craptastic embryos during their fresh cycle and their doctor probably didn't freeze those embryos for them. Part of me thinks it boils down to statistics. The docs want a good thaw survival rate, and they also want a good pregnancy rate. So they create quality standards for embryos and stick to those rigid standards.

I'm not saying everyone should question what their doctor's protocol is, but I do believe that in the end, it's your embryos and your money. If you want to freeze the embryos, no matter the quality, you should have that option and that right. The doctor can (and should) make his or her suggestions but in the end they shouldn't place standards on what they'll allow to be frozen or transferred.

Second, I wonder about IVF #2. These embryos came from that cycle. It was the only cycle that we managed to create an 8-cell embryo by day 3, so of course we transferred that one and a 6-cell embryo. We got a BFN. If we had transferred these two crappy embryos back when they were fresh, would they have eventually made it to the 8-cell grade 1 status they achieved on Monday? Or did it take having to freeze and then thaw them to get them to grow the way they did? In the end it doesn't really matter, but it makes me curious.

I have a few other things on my mind but I'd rather not talk about them. They're just more "what if" questions, mostly dealing with adoption, and there's no point in dwelling on them until the 2WW is over. Which, by the way, beta is next Wednesday and yes, I'm still paranoid that we got someone else's embryos.

Only Me

We had an ice storm in NC during my first IVF, Hurricane Earl just days before my second IVF, and now we've got a hurricane barreling toward the East Coast as I prepare to head down to NC on Saturday for my last cycle.

God clearly doesn't want me to get pregnant!

Non-Profit Updates

Brandon and I have started getting in the bad habit of taking naps when we get home from work. So we wake up from our nap around 8 pm and then stay up late cause we're not tired. At first it was cool to do once or twice but today was the third day in a row. Not good. Then again, my Lupron headaches are the main reason I lay down and after tonight that won't be a problem cause I trigger tonight! Yay! Then Saturday I leave CT to meet the hurricane head-on in NC. I'll be in Greensboro Saturday to spend time with my nephew (it's his birthday) and then Sunday we'll drive east to Fayetteville. Hopefully the hurricane will be gone by then, though it's supposed to be making its way up north so we'll end up riding in the wake of the hurricane on Tuesday. Lucky us.

So first an update on the Lost Stork Foundation cause I've been hard at work so I deserve to go first :) We made it to 107 followers as of today, so thank you all who read my last post and checked out our Facebook page! I'm still working on getting donations for our upcoming raffle. If you haven't heard, we're hosting two raffles in November to celebrate National Adoption Awareness Month. One will be adoption-themed and one will be a general raffle for anyone to participate in. This is the raffle I've been having difficulty with. We haven't received any donations for that one so I still have flexibility when picking a theme for it. I was thinking like a Family Fun Theme Pack with board games, movies, popcorn, etc or maybe a Book Lovers Theme Pack with books, coffee mug, and coffee/hot chocolate. Or maybe a Spa Theme Pack but I tried that once and didn't get too many participants. So let me know what you guys would be interested in and feel free to share your own ideas.

Next we've got a new non-profit organization for our NC folks! It's called the Noah Z.M. Goetz Foundation. They only have a FB page so far and are working on their 501(c)3 status (like the Lost Stork). According to their FB page they "provide educational services and supportive grants to residents of North Carolina pursuing domestic adoption for their first child; have gone through or are currently undergoing infertility treatment". It's a little unclear whether they'll provide grants for both infertility and adoption as they seem to focus on couples who are pursuing adoption after infertility treatments. But keep an eye out for future grants with this organization.

Chance to Hope has had lots of successful fundraisers lately. Their next fundraiser is a BBQ event in Indiana. Afterward they will announce their grant application process so hopefully they will be providing grants soon!

Pay It Forward Fertility is another non-profit organization for NC couples. Their next grant application deadline is September 19th (don't worry, they have 4 application periods a year!). They're also hosting their 3rd Annual Gala Fundraiser in Raleigh on September 23rd.

Tampa, FL is hosting A Family of My Own Fertility and Adoption Conference on November 5th. This conference, like many family-building conferences, will have drawings for things like free IVF cycles and home studies. It's definitely worth checking out.

Well, that's about all for now. I'm sure there's more conferences out there but I have to get ready for my trip to NC. The laundry ain't gonna do itself!

So Close!

Infertility and adoption-related non-profits seem to be springing up all over the place these days! I've got lots of updates to share, including a few new organizations that are going to be having grant programs, but I probably won't get that post written till later tonight. For now, please consider stopping by the Lost Stork Foundation's Facebook page! We're so close to 100 followers I can almost taste it!

What a Week

Wow, it's been a busy week! On Tuesday I had my ultrasound appointment and it appears that we're all set for the last FET. I still have the 10mm follicle but it hasn't grown or started producing progesterone so all is well. Now I just have to worry about getting someone else to do my u/s scan on Wednesday because on Friday I got a call that the navy clinic had to cancel. So hopefully I can get one of the hospitals to squeeze me in. Wednesday is also trigger day so I can't really postpone my u/s appointment.

My homestudy physical went okay. I explained to the nurse assistant that I needed a physical and TB test for a homestudy. She took my vitals and left to get the doctor. Then she promptly came back to ask me what a homestudy was. Jesus. So I gave her the paperwork that my doc is supposed to fill out and give to my homestudy agency. I thought this would kind clear things up but it didn't. She asks me if I needed a Pap. Ummmm, no! I don't think the health of my vagina should determine if I'm healthy enough to raise a child. So in walks my doctor, and he is old. No wonder he didn't know what a homestudy was, they probably didn't do that kind of crap back in the day! I'm thinking to myself "There's no way this guy should be active duty" but I guess it's okay for Navy doctors to be in their 50's...or 60's. Whatever. So he reads over my form which says that I have to have bloodwork and a urinalysis to test for communicable diseases. He asks me what diseases he should test for. How should I know?! Then he mentions that he could test me for STD's. Even if I had an STD, I doubt I could pass that along to my adopted child. I'm not giving birth after all. I told him he could call the agency to ask them but he declined, saying that he would figure it out. So he starts checking me out, looking in my ears and mouth and then starts asking the loaded questions: "So can you pick the gender or age for your child? How much is this costing if you don't mind me asking?" Um, I do mind you asking and it's costing us more than the bottle of wine you paid to get your wife knocked up. I swear, the lack of professionalism at this clinic is appalling, but because he was a Commander I answered him truthfully for fear of offending him with a smartass comment. Then I watched him pick his jaw off the floor when I told him what it's costing us (about $42K). Still, every time I come in for something infertility or adoption related, the people at the clinic always ask inappropriate questions. I guess Navy doctors aren't required to have tact. I dread the day when I have to make an appointment to get a referral for a lactation consultant so I can figure out how to breastfeed my adopted child (which I full intend on doing). Maybe I should bring in some paperwork or a book so they can educate themselves beforehand. But despite the annoyances I managed to get through the exam, a urinalysis and TB test.

That night we had our first homestudy visit. I was so excited! Our social worker is nice and our visit went...okay. She went over the process and cleared up a lot of questions we had. She looked through our house and took notes. We still have to get a ladder for our fire escape plan (we have a 2-story house) but other than that everything seemed fine. Unfortunately we discovered that we didn't budget properly for our homestudy portion of the adoption. Our homestudy is costing $1,800, which I thought would cover our post-placement visits. I knew we had to have some, though I didn't know how many. Apparently it's 3 post-placement visits and they are not covered under the $1,800 fee. So that's another $900 we have to come up with. Then there's fingerprinting. $50 for state and $20 for federal (per person). Then she said we have to pay for finalization which runs about $1,200. At this point I kinda started sweating and freaking out. Fortunately the next day I called our adoption agency who explained that our adoption fees cover the finalization so at least we don't have to pay the $1,200. That made me feel better, though it's getting confusing having to deal with two separate agencies.

On Thursday when we went to the police department to get fingerprinted, we were told it would cost us $12 per card (we each have 2). We explained that we're already paying the $100 to our homestudy agency for fingerprinting and they explained that their fee is separate. WTF! So we had to pay $48 to the city of Groton just to get fingerprinted, and then pay another $100 to the state to process the fingerprinted cards. Connecticut sucks.

We wanted to get our fingerprint cards sent off as soon as possible because we were told it's been taking about 60 days to process. So it looks like we might not be able to go active till November, though we're still hoping for October. We're waiting to hear back from our social worker to make our next appointment, which will include the individual interviews.

Other than a few minor things, this process has been going smoothly. I'm kinda dreading having to write the info paragraphs and birthmother letter for our adoption profile. I seem to get writer's block, even though the words flow so smoothly on my blog. Maybe it's because I feel uncomfortable boasting about myself or describing my life. Usually I write the paragraphs and then Brandon proofreads them but I might get another outside opinion as well. We'll have to see. I've only written two sections so far, Our Home and Neighborhood and Our Extended Families. I have 6 more sections to write, along with the birthmother letter. Yikes! We'll get through it though, slowly but surely.

HELP!!

I'm fuming right now, too pissed to write about how our homestudy visit and ultrasound appointment went. I discovered today that Oso ripped up the precious hedgehog toy that I purchased in Ireland for our future child. I calmed down enough to Google the toy and found the manufacturer. Unfortunately they don't ship to the US, only the UK mainland!! Now I'm back to being pissed. Sooo if there's anyone living in the UK who would be willing to buy this Mothercare toy for me and then ship to my address, I would be forever grateful. I've got Paypal set up so I can prepay for this toy as well.

Fearlessly Frugal Strikes Again

Brandon and I have slowly been acquiring some baby stuff, making a list of things we need to have before bringing home a baby. And some people may think we're jumping the gun (like my co-workers) but I can't resist a good sale, or a good coupon. Besides, I don't want to go through adoption and get The Call with only a few days or weeks to prepare for a baby's arrival. I'd rather do my research and buy all the things I want on sale rather than whatever happens to be in stock.

So this week I got a coupon in the mail for JCPenney, $10 off a purchase of $10 or more. I intended on just spending $10 and getting my item for free but Brandon liked a 5-pack of bibs which were $13.99 so we got them instead for just $4. Still, I saved over 70% so the purchase was worth it to me.

And then Babies R Us had a coupon in the Sunday paper this week for $20 off stollers or travel systems. This is a big purchase for us and we didn't plan on buying a travel system for another couple months but I couldn't pass this up if we could find a stroller we really liked. So we went shopping and picked out this awesome travel system.
It's the Safety 1st Aerolite Sport Travel System. The travel system that Brandon originally picked out was $279.99 and was also Safety 1st brand but after looking through more strollers I found this one which was only $189.99. After our 20% discount we only paid $152.99 (we don't pay tax on certain items in CT). Can't beat that!!! We're going to keep it in the box for a while and hang on to the receipt, just in case we find a better stroller or a better sale.

THEN I went to Target. I had a Target coupon for $1 off a 2- to 6-pack of Gerber onesies, which I coupled with a Gerber manufacturer coupon I printed off the internet. So I got a $9.99 3-pack of onesies for $7.99. I also had a Target coupon for $2 off two Johnson and Johnson products, which I also coupled with a manufacturer coupon. I got one 4 oz. bottle of the bedtime lotion and one 4 oz. bottle of the bedtime bath, both which came with a free bonus 2 oz bottle attached to it. Each was priced at $2.99 but with my $4 in coupons I only paid a total of $1.98. What a great deal!

I'm thinking that I'm going to be taking advantage of a lot of sales for Black Friday this year. I hope that over the next 6 months I'll have enough baby stuff stocked up which I've paid next to nothing for.

I love coupons.

Why Me?

Of all the times something can go wrong, why now? Now as it turns out, I might get cancelled for this FET.

See, for my past two frozen cycles I never got a period before the cycle so I would have to take Provera before taking birth control. So at best I would only be on bcp's for 10 days before starting my meds. Well this time I hopped right on bcp's after my last failed cycle so I got to take the pills for a whole month.

Well this past Monday was the day I was supposed to stop the birth control pills. But I had a bit of a dilemma. Last week was supposed to be my week of placebo pills. So, do I not take pills that week so I can get my period, or do I open up a new pack of bcp's and keep taking them till Monday? I decided to skip the week of pills so I could get my period.

Except my period never showed up. It still hasn't showed up.

So when I went in for my baseline ultrasound last week the u/s tech told me my lining was at 3mm. I was thinking "Ok, well that's the lining that I'll shed when I get my period". And though I haven't gotten my period since then I didn't expect anything to change at today's appointment.

So at today's appointment I was very surprised to find out my lining was already at 6mm. I also have a follicle at 10mm on my left ovary and one at 8mm on my right. WTF?! I haven't even started my meds yet (except Lupron) and I definitely shouldn't be having follicles growing. WTF is my body doing?!

I called Nurse D and left her a message. I checked out my first FET and saw that during this appt in January my lining was at 2.5mm. At my appointment a week later (after taking Estrace once a day) my lining was at 8mm. Nurse D called back and told me that my e2 levels were higher than they wanted it to be (91) but that for now I can move forward with the FET. But if the follicle gets bigger and starts producing progesterone then it's over.

Now this evening I've started getting cramps that feel like my period is about to show up. What a friggin' headache.

Harry Potter Giveaway Winner!!

I love how Random.org chose my favorite number, #13! Congrats to Ashley from Traditionally Nontraditional!

Let's Talk About Religion Mmmmkay?

Before we get to the meat and potatoes of this post I’d like to mention that our phone conference with the adoption specialist went pretty well. She went over our information and made us feel pretty confident that our wait wouldn’t be too long and that our choices appear to be flexible. For those of you who are curious, our specialist told us that 75% of their adoptive couples are matched within 1-6 months, and the same percentage achieve placement within 3-9 months. It looks like we should fall into that category but who knows, we could fall into the unlucky 25%. I keep reminding myself that maybe the people who don’t get placed in that timeframe may have a lower budget or stricter requirements on race, substance abuse, etc. Our budget is a bit on the low end but when all fees are considered this adoption will still cost about $40K and I just can’t see myself choosing to go any higher than that, whether we have the money or not. So that’s that.

Now, a few posts ago I promised I’d talk about religion and how we are choosing to raise our child. This was a decision that was made long ago and we feel pretty good about it. But first a little background info.

I was born and raised Lutheran, though we rarely went to church and when we did, it was mostly when I was visiting my grandparents. I’m not a “bible beater”, I barely know all the commandments, but I feel I have a personal relationship with God. I pray, I occasionally listen to Christian music but it depends on the song, and I’m a fan of Veggie Tales. But I don’t pretend to know everything about Christianity or any other religion for that matter, and unlike many Christians, I don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to convert someone to Christianity if they believe something else. To each his own.

Brandon has a very different story, and I’m not even sure if I know the whole thing. I know he was raised Mormon, confirmed (I think that’s what they call it. Anyway it’s the equivalent of baptism) when he was 11. His parents said it was his choice but when you’re 11 you kinda just do what makes your parents happy. As a teenager he made the decision that he doesn’t believe in God and ever since then has maintained that belief. Brandon and I have had many discussions on this topic and he believes that there is some kind of force out in the universe that may have caused some of the events of the world, but he doesn’t believe that force is a god. In other words he takes the scientific approach to creation and evolution. We argue back and forth but in the end we respect each other’s beliefs and that works for us.

But even though we've agreed to disagree we still weren't sure how to raise our children. I know some people with different religious beliefs choose to expose their child to both religions from the start. But this situation isn't like that. This is a situation where one person believes in God and the other one doesn't. Luckily it's actually been an easy decision for us. You see, just because Brandon doesn't believe in God doesn't mean he's against all religion like you hear about extreme Athiests. I found a wonderful contemporary non-denominational church when we were living in Washington and Brandon even went with me a few times. He may not believe in the stories in the Bible but he still believes in the moral lessons that those stories try to teach. And I must admit, I have a hard time believing some of the stories myself. I do believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ but the story about Noah building an ark to hold all those animals and floating around on at sea for 40 days seems a bit stretched. And though there's some aspects of church that Brandon doesn't agree with, he support the sense of community that a church provides. And my old church was just super cool, not full of stuffy sermons that made you fall asleep.

So, when it comes to raising our children we decided that we are going to raise them Christian (specifically Lutheran). We feel that as parents it's our responsibility to introduce our child to the concept of religion and God, whether they choose to believe it or not. After all, Brandon was given that same opportunity when he was raised Mormon. But here comes the controversial part: we're not going to tell our child about Brandon's non-beliefs until we feel our child is old enough to understand and appreciate the concept of different religions and the fact that some don't believe in religion at all. Some people may think that it's not fair to Brandon to have to "hide" his atheism or "pretend" that he's Christian but this is a decision we made together and he's perfectly fine with it. And we made that decision because we know our child will soon question why Mommy only goes to church and not Daddy. We want to be united on how we teach our child about religion and for us it's okay because we both agree that our child should be taught about it.

So our child is going to grow up with a children's Bible, watching Veggie Tales and hopefully going to church (though I'm having a hard time finding a church I like here in CT). Other people may not agree with how we plan to do this, but I think it will work for our situation.

Oh, and today's the last day to enter my Harry Potter giveaway!

Ranting

It's always a treat going to the Navy clinic here for my ultrasounds. It's like I'm guaranteed to have a good laugh by all the stupid shit that comes out of people's mouths. Like this time I went. Or this time. Oh and don't forget about this time. So of course I couldn't expect today to be any different but I still hope.

This morning I had my baseline ultrasound. Speaking of which, is it still considered a baseline for FET's? I mean, they don't really care about my antral follicle count, they just want to make sure I'm not growing a cyst. But I digress.

So I go into the clinic and say good morning to the ultrasound tech who has done my last dozen or so appointments. We should be on a first name basis by now but she didn't recognize me until she looked at the paperwork. So she calls me back into the ultrasound room, my absolute faaaaavorite place to be. I swear, at this point I think I have a common-law marriage with the ultrasound wand. Anyway, this is the conversation that ensued while I was being wanded:

U/S Tech- Hey! I thought when I saw you at your last appointment you were having your procedure done.
Me- Um, I did have it done but it didn't work so we're doing another.
U/S Tech- Ohhh I'm sorry. So, how many of these procedures are you allowed to do? As many as you want?
Me- Well, we can do as many procedures as we have embryos for. Since we only have two embryos left this is going to be our last frozen embryo transfer.
U/S Tech- Oh I see. So what happens when you run out of embryos? Can you just get more?
Me- Um, well, we could do another IVF but my husband is getting out of the military in 3 years so-
U/S Tech- Oh, so the military won't pay for it anymore.
Me- Well it's not free through the military. We pay for the procedure, it's just a bit cheaper than going to a civilian clinic.
U/S Tech- Welllll my niece's neighbor's dog sitter's cousin twice-removed adopted a baby and when their child turned 5 they ended up pregnant! So you never know!

It was like every stupid thing you could say to an infertile all rolled up into one conversation. And call me an ass for assuming, but I kinda figured an ultrasound technician would know how an IVF cycle works.

Ok. Rant over. Moving on.