Let's Talk About Religion Mmmmkay?

Before we get to the meat and potatoes of this post I’d like to mention that our phone conference with the adoption specialist went pretty well. She went over our information and made us feel pretty confident that our wait wouldn’t be too long and that our choices appear to be flexible. For those of you who are curious, our specialist told us that 75% of their adoptive couples are matched within 1-6 months, and the same percentage achieve placement within 3-9 months. It looks like we should fall into that category but who knows, we could fall into the unlucky 25%. I keep reminding myself that maybe the people who don’t get placed in that timeframe may have a lower budget or stricter requirements on race, substance abuse, etc. Our budget is a bit on the low end but when all fees are considered this adoption will still cost about $40K and I just can’t see myself choosing to go any higher than that, whether we have the money or not. So that’s that.

Now, a few posts ago I promised I’d talk about religion and how we are choosing to raise our child. This was a decision that was made long ago and we feel pretty good about it. But first a little background info.

I was born and raised Lutheran, though we rarely went to church and when we did, it was mostly when I was visiting my grandparents. I’m not a “bible beater”, I barely know all the commandments, but I feel I have a personal relationship with God. I pray, I occasionally listen to Christian music but it depends on the song, and I’m a fan of Veggie Tales. But I don’t pretend to know everything about Christianity or any other religion for that matter, and unlike many Christians, I don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to convert someone to Christianity if they believe something else. To each his own.

Brandon has a very different story, and I’m not even sure if I know the whole thing. I know he was raised Mormon, confirmed (I think that’s what they call it. Anyway it’s the equivalent of baptism) when he was 11. His parents said it was his choice but when you’re 11 you kinda just do what makes your parents happy. As a teenager he made the decision that he doesn’t believe in God and ever since then has maintained that belief. Brandon and I have had many discussions on this topic and he believes that there is some kind of force out in the universe that may have caused some of the events of the world, but he doesn’t believe that force is a god. In other words he takes the scientific approach to creation and evolution. We argue back and forth but in the end we respect each other’s beliefs and that works for us.

But even though we've agreed to disagree we still weren't sure how to raise our children. I know some people with different religious beliefs choose to expose their child to both religions from the start. But this situation isn't like that. This is a situation where one person believes in God and the other one doesn't. Luckily it's actually been an easy decision for us. You see, just because Brandon doesn't believe in God doesn't mean he's against all religion like you hear about extreme Athiests. I found a wonderful contemporary non-denominational church when we were living in Washington and Brandon even went with me a few times. He may not believe in the stories in the Bible but he still believes in the moral lessons that those stories try to teach. And I must admit, I have a hard time believing some of the stories myself. I do believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ but the story about Noah building an ark to hold all those animals and floating around on at sea for 40 days seems a bit stretched. And though there's some aspects of church that Brandon doesn't agree with, he support the sense of community that a church provides. And my old church was just super cool, not full of stuffy sermons that made you fall asleep.

So, when it comes to raising our children we decided that we are going to raise them Christian (specifically Lutheran). We feel that as parents it's our responsibility to introduce our child to the concept of religion and God, whether they choose to believe it or not. After all, Brandon was given that same opportunity when he was raised Mormon. But here comes the controversial part: we're not going to tell our child about Brandon's non-beliefs until we feel our child is old enough to understand and appreciate the concept of different religions and the fact that some don't believe in religion at all. Some people may think that it's not fair to Brandon to have to "hide" his atheism or "pretend" that he's Christian but this is a decision we made together and he's perfectly fine with it. And we made that decision because we know our child will soon question why Mommy only goes to church and not Daddy. We want to be united on how we teach our child about religion and for us it's okay because we both agree that our child should be taught about it.

So our child is going to grow up with a children's Bible, watching Veggie Tales and hopefully going to church (though I'm having a hard time finding a church I like here in CT). Other people may not agree with how we plan to do this, but I think it will work for our situation.

Oh, and today's the last day to enter my Harry Potter giveaway!