Getting some Answers

I know I probably shouldn't be doing this while I'm in the 2WW but I've been researching a little bit to find out why my embryos stopped growing. Most of the information I found was on websites for fertility clinics that highly encourage blastocyst transfers vs day 3 transfers. So their information might be slightly opinionated but it's still information nonetheless. I thought I would share some of this with you. The first comes from the San Diego Fertility Center. It states:

"A blastocyst embryo has reached a stage in development that requires activation of the embryo's own genes, called genomic activation. Genes are chemical codes that make us unique. When a sperm and egg fertilize the resulting baby is a mixture of the genes from the mother and father. This mixture creates a child who is unique and different from mother, father, or siblings. During early growth of the embryo, all of the energy and chemicals required for cell division come from the mother's egg. In order to continue to develop past the third or fourth day of life, the embryo must activate its own genes to produce energy for further cell division and differentiation. Sounds simple! Although this biological process is critical, it does not occur as easily as we might hope. Approximately one third of embryos are capable of successfully activating their genes and growing to the blastocyst stage. If an embryo reaches the blastocyst stage, nature is telling us that it is a healthier embryo and it has a better chance of implanting successfully and resulting in a normal, healthy, baby."

North Hudson IVF of New Jersey has even better information:

"When embryos are cultured to the blastocyst stage in the IVF laboratory, it is common to see about half of the embryos stop growing by the end of the third day. This rate of attrition is normal and is a result of the poor developmental potential of some of the embryos. Once an egg is fertilized, no genetic instructions are required for the embryo to reach the four-cell stage of development. However, on the third day, when the embryo is between the 4- and 8-cell stage of development, new genetic instructions are required for continued growth. About half the time, the genetic information required for growth beyond the 8-cell stage is conflicting, garbled or missing and the embryo simply stops growing. At present, it is beyond the IVF laboratory's capability to correct or improve the genetic potential of a developing embryo. It is important to also note that since the environment within the lab or the uterus cannot influence the genetic make up of the embryo, the same attrition is observed when the embryos are transferred to the uterus on Day 3. That is, transferring genetically compromised embryos to the uterus on Day 3 does not improve their chances of continued development."

I guess that's why my embryos never made it past four cells, except for the few that kept going. Even those embryos risk arresting because they haven't made it to blast yet. I guess I'll now in about two weeks, but at least I have some answers instead of none.

Our Luck Ran Out

Today was supposed to be a very joyous day but instead it turned out very crappy. 5 of our embryos arrested (stopped growing) during the night. We were left with 5 embryos this morning. One of the embryos is a grade 3, 5-cell. It's probably not good enough for freezing but we'll find that out tomorrow. The other four embryos are: two 6-cells (grade 1 and 2) and two 4-cells (grade 1 and 2). We decided to transfer the grade 1 embryos and freeze the grade 2's.

I was so utterly disappointed that we lost half of our embryos overnight. What made me even more upset was that I was given NO explanation for what went wrong. Doctors act as though this whole IVF process is just a gamble, just a numbers game. That's not really an answer I can accept. Was it egg quality? Was it sperm quality? Is it harder for embryos to make it from day 2 to day 3 than it is for them to make it from day 1 to day 2? Should I have lost weight before doing this IVF? Dr P said yesterday that all my embryos looked great, how could they turn to shit overnight?? We've been doing IVF in the United States for a long time, I just find it hard to believe that we still don't have reasonable explanations for these kinds of situations. How can I feel comfortable slapping down another $10K on a second IVF cycle if there is NOTHING I can do to improve my odds? Dr P said that if we decide to try another IVF he would still do the same protocol that he did this time. My response was great, which I completely agree with. 16 mature eggs was a great number. So what happened then?

I know I should be extremely thankful that I had two embryos to freeze, especially since alot of my RL friends and bloggy friends didn't have any, but I've really lost my confidence in this cycle. I don't even feel confident in the two grade 1 embryos that are sitting in my uterus right now. I thought they should be 8 cells by this time, why are they growing so slowly?

For women who spend thousands of dollars to have a child, telling us that this is just a gamble isn't good enough, at least not for me. I don't know if I'm willing to go through this again. I think we'll just see what happens with this transfer and the frozen embryos. If no pregnancy results from it then we might just call it quits and live childless. Sorry for the venting but I'm just really upset right now.

Day 2 Embie Growth

I've actually been dreading Dr P's call today. I was afraid that he would tell me that only 4 or 6 of the embryos lasted through the night. Instead I was extremely surprised and happy to learn that I still have 10 embryos!! The transfer is scheduled for tomorrow at noon. We're supposed to get some snow, which in NC is a big deal because they don't keep alot of salt or sand handy for these situations. So I hope the roads are clear enough for my little Pontiac G6 rental car to make it to Carolina IVF. If not there is another girl staying at the Fisher House who has a huge truck and her hubby can take us. Dr. P said the embryos are not big/old enough to be graded yet, they will be graded tomorrow. I'm so excited now and I hope that all 10 make it through one more night. I take two Valium tonight to relax me and one more about an hour before transfer. I can't wait until tomorrow!!

Fert Report

Well I finally got the call from Dr P today. 12 of the eggs fertilized, although he said that only 10 fertilized normally. I asked him what that meant and he gave me a pretty ambiguous response saying "Well we'll continue to monitor them and see how things go". So I don't know if I should hold out hope for those two little embryos or just concentrate on the 10 that fertilized "normally" and hope the majority of them make it to day 3. Dr P said that Womack and Carolina IVF have a higher success rate with day 3 transfers so we're going with that. We also want Brandon to be there for the procedure and if we wait until day 5 he will not be able to participate.

Before I started this cycle my expectations were a little high. I wanted 6 embryos to freeze, 2 to transfer, for a total of 8. I can only hope that 8 of the 10 (or 12) make it to day 3 but my expectations are starting to lower a bit. I'm pretty confident that I won't get as many as I had originally expected. Now I'm just hoping for 6 to make it. I think that's still fairly reasonable.

Q&A Answer Time

I know it's a week late but I'm finally getting around to responding to the questions I received during my Q&A post.

1. How do you like being a Navy wife? What is it like? While I like the benefits of the Navy and the tight knit community, Brandon and I both actually treat it like any other job. It has its pros and cons and we're not really committed to staying in this lifestyle. At this point Brandon thinks he has more to gain in the civilian sector and he's working hard at getting his degree to do that. So while I like the experiences that only the Navy can offer, I will completely support Brandon if he decides he doesn't want to retire through the military.

2. How many people IRL know about your IF struggles and your decision to do IVF? I actually have the link to my blog on my Facebook and most of my co-workers, family and friends know about it. I'm very open about my infertility. However I don't know how many of them actually read my blog. I certainly never get comments from real-life friends.

3. If you have a choice, would you prefer having a boy, girl or twins (b/b, g/g, or one of each)? I know this may sound selfish, but I would prefer twins (anything but two girls!) just so I don't have to go through this again. However I'm very hopeful that if I'm successful in having a baby then maybe my body will start working normally and I won't have to deal with infertility anymore. Hey, it can happen!

4. Would you find out the sex of your baby? Would you tell? I could never go 9 months without finding the sex of the baby. I can't even go through my birthdays and Christmases without knowing exactly what I'll be getting.

5. In naming your kids, would you go with classic names like John, Matthew, Sarah, or something hip and cool like Sky, Hunter, Avery, etc? Brandon and I don't want a plain-Jane name for our kids but we don't want some wacky or oddly spelled name either. We agreed that if it's a girl, I get to pick out three girl names and Brandon gets to choose one of those names. If it's a boy he picks out three names and I get to choose one of those names. That way we each get a say in naming the baby...as long as I like at least one of the names he picks out :)

6. Would you share the name before he/she is born? I'm actually undecided about this one but I think I will end up sharing it before the baby is born.

If anyone can think of any more questions, just ask away and I'll post another Q&A Answer time!

I Wanna be Sedated

***TMI POST ALERT***

I have to share a secret with everybody...I have the best husband in the world. He may be a bit of an odd ball but we have the same sense of humor and he's always been there for me through thick and thin. The night before our egg retrieval he was singing "I Wanna be Sedated" by the Ramones to gear me up for the big day ahead of us.

Our appointment was set for 10:45 in the morning. Since we decided that I should "help" Brandon with his end of the deal, we came in a little bit early. It was quite unnecessary because they didn't call us back for the specimen contribution till around 11:00. When Brandon and I got into the room we were a little disappointed. There was a tiny loveseat in a corner that could barely fit the two of us and an enormous bookshelf filled with knick knacks, sterilized cups and a few magazines. The first thing I noticed was this panda bear statue.


Are you kidding me? Two pandas doing it doggy-style in a room that's reserved for baby batter collection? I thought it was hilarious. At any rate, the job was done and Brandon pulled through. He didn't drop the cup like I was deathly afraid he would do.

I finally got called back around 11:45. I changed into a gown and was seated in a chair. The anesthesiologist asked me a bunch of questions and hooked me up to an IV. Then I was led into the actual retrieval room. Everything was set up almost like a birthing table/IUI table. They didn't have the normal ultrasound stirrups, I got the calf stirrups so my goods were hanging out for everyone to see. I was given a heart rate monitor, oxygen in my nose and a blood pressure cuff. Luckily Nurse D was there which made me feel a lot better. She showed me the ultrasound screen and the "take-out" window. The embryologist was on the other side of the take-out window waiting to pick up my order of over-easy eggs as they came out. Next thing I know Dr P is coming in the room and the anesthesiologist tells me she's going to start the medication drip.

And then I woke up in the recovery room sitting in a recliner. Brandon was called in to the room and I was given some apple juice and crackers. I remember watching Who Wants to be a Millionaire and yelling at the guy on there who was an idiot. He was getting questions wrong that I was able to answer correctly even in my semi-conscious state. I asked Brandon if he knew how many eggs they got and he said 18. Then Dr P showed up and told us they had gotten 20 eggs. They were still counting the number of mature eggs though. So far they had counted 10 eggs and all 10 were mature. We don't know the status of the other 10 eggs but Dr P thinks we'll get 16 mature eggs out of the bunch. I might call the lab tomorrow morning to get a definite number. **UPDATE** I called the lab and the doctor was right...they got 16 mature eggs!!


Brandon brought the good camera and took a picture of my cute socks. He said the camera phone I had been using for the ultrasound pictures wasn't that great. We sat there for a bit before I was ready to get up and go home. I was still in a bit of pain, quite crampy and feeling like I had to use the bathroom (#2) but didn't want to push anything out because of the pain. I'm feeling quite constipated right now.

I took two Percocet and drank some Gatorade before laying down to take a nap. After waking up I felt much better and got dressed to go out to eat at Golden Corral. I drank a little more Gatorade but as we were getting ready to leave I started to feel queasy and sat down. Brandon said I had some anti-nausea pills so I asked him to get me one. I took it but I think it was a little too late. A few minutes later I was throwing up in the bathroom. Luckily I didn't throw up alot because I hadn't eaten much all day. Afterwards I took another anti-nausea pill and felt much better. We still ended up going out to eat and so far I've kept it all down.

I'm so glad I got past one more hurdle in this IVF process. Everything is really just a gamble: how many follicles will you get, how many eggs are in those follicles, and how many of those eggs are mature? Now we have to see how many of those mature eggs will fertilize. It's pretty much out of our hands now. No amount of relaxation or vitamins can help those little embies at this point. All we can do is hope for the best. We've been quite lucky so far and we've had a great cycle, I'm just praying that things continue to go well for us.

Very Quick Retrieval Update

Retrieval went well. I had expected to remember some of what happened but after I was up in the stirrups and the anesthesiologist started giving me the meds I was out like a light. Anyway, they got 20 eggs. By the time Dr. P came in to give me a status they had only counted 10 mature eggs but he thinks about 16 of them will end up being mature enough for fertilization. I suppose I won't find out till tomorrow the real number of mature eggs, which I'll also find out how many fertilized. I'll write a little bit more later but for now I need a nap and then some FOOD. Night y'all.

Ultrasound #4-Maybe the last?

First, I want to thank everyone who reassured me in my last post about using a heating pad during stim week. I've got two Thermacare back pads sitting on the desk that my grandmother gave me and the next time I get a backache I'll be sure to use them. The thing is, my backaches have gone away almost completely. I even LOST weight at my appointment this morning. I thought for sure I had ovulated and my lack of pain and bloating was a result of that. The nurses think it's because I've been drinking so much Gatorade. Much to my relief all the eggs were there. I even got the coveted Follicle Print-out which I'm more than happy to share. But first, here is today's sock picture. In preparation for Valentine's Day I wore my heart socks



So here is my report:
Lining: 13 mm
10 follicles on Left Ovary: 13, 14, 14, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 18, 18
10 follicles on Right Ovary: 13, 13, 14, 14, 14, 16, 17, 19, 19, 21

I'm 95% sure that I'm going to trigger tonight. The doctors usually go in 36 hours later to retrieve the eggs so that should give plenty of time for the smaller ones to catch up. The 21 mm follicle might be overripe by retrieval though. Still, I'm pretty happy with my results. I just hope most of them are mature. Wish me luck!

**Update** Nurse D called this afternoon. I'm taking my trigger shot at 10:25 tonight and my retrieval is set for 10:45 on Wednesday!

Trying to Relax

Since I didn't have an ultrasound appointment for two days I decided to drive down to Georgia to visit my grandparents and mom. I haven't seen my mom in about two years. My back has still been killing me so I finally broke down and started taking Tylenol every 6 hours. I was just taking it once a day which only helped for a few hours before wearing off. I was afraid of taking it too much but I've just been so miserable that I couldn't stand it. I also put a heating pad on my lower back but now I'm regretting it. While I was lying (laying? lying?) in bed last night, I wondered if using a heating pad would fry my eggs. I googled it this morning and found absolutely NO information about using heat during stim week. Everything refers to post-retrieval or post-transfer. None of the other IVF girls at the Fisher House have this problem so maybe it's due to my weight or the fact that I'm out of shape. Or maybe it's just the number of follicles I have. So I'm asking all those who have gone through IVF: Did you ever get a backache during stim week and if so, could you use a heating pad?

Ultrasound #3

Today at the ultrasound I featured my cuy socks. For anyone who doesn't know what cuy is (which is probably everybody) you can find out for yourself here but animal lovers beware. I bought the socks while in Peru because I had decided to try the Peruvian delicacy during my visit. It was by far the worst food I had ever tasted. The skin was thick and rubbery and the meat did not taste good at all. The cuy is served whole, with its head, bucked teeth and little paws still attached. Not a pretty site. I wouldn't recommend it for anyone going to Peru.



So the doctor's office was running far behind today. I sat in the waiting room for two hours before I was called back for my ultrasound. It appears that I'm chugging along just fine with my 20 follicles. They're about 14mm I think. I wasn't given the sizes. My E2 levels shot up to 1,700 though. I wasn't prepared for that. But Nurse D says I'm doing perfect, that I'm the textbook patient and I don't have to be back until Monday morning. Her words made me feel so much better but at the same time, I'm really starting to get my hopes up. I think I would be very disappointed if this cycle didn't work. After all, if a textbook perfect cycle ends up with a BFN, what more can you do?

At least my husband gets here Monday morning. I think this cycle will become a lot more tolerable once he gets here. I asked Nurse D about using Ben-Gay for my backaches and she said it was fine (I didn't mention the horse part). So I went to the drug store this afternoon and bought some Icy Hot back patches and a reusable hot/cold pack. I think that should last me until retrieval. I also had lunch with one of the IVF girls. More of us were supposed to go out but me and her ended up being really late due to the doctor's office so we missed the actual lunch date and just ate by ourselves. I'm so glad that I've got to meet the other ladies that I'm cycling with. It's making this whole experience much better for "The Newbie"!