A Rough Week

This has been a pretty tough week for my weight loss and on the fertility front. I did so well last week despite my office Christmas party and a big Christmas dinner because those were just meals. But this week my dad came to visit for 3 days. And I pretty much fell off the bandwagon all three days as he insisted on going out to eat for almost every meal. I did manage to cook a turkey dinner for him one night though. And I even went to see that personal trainer! Except his free one-hour workout was nothing more than 15 minutes of exercise and over an hour of sales pitches. $180 a month for a personal trainer once a week? No thank you! And their focus is building muscle (because every pound of muscle burns 50 calories, blah blah blah). I'm not really interested in that right now. I just want to get in shape, not bulk up like She-Woman.

So yesterday Brandon and I both got back on our diets and we went out and bought a nice new scale. This scale not only measures weight but also body fat and body water percentages. So this morning my old scale weighed me in at 202.2...a gain. But my new scale weighed me in at 201.2....a loss of .1 pound. So I logged the weight from the new scale, but only since it's the one I'm going to be using from now on. Did I really have a weight loss this week? I doubt it, but I kind figured this thing would happen if I changed scales. Oh well.

On the fertility front I still haven't gotten my period and I'm starting to freak out a bit. I took my last Provera pill last Tuesday and AF still hasn't shown up. My baseline is Wednesday and I'm scheduled to start Lupron on Friday! And I stop bcp's next Monday so now I'm wondering if Nurse D will just have me do a natural cycle without the bcp's. That makes sense because even if I got my period today, I wouldn't start the bcp's till Tuesday (CD3) so I would be taking them for only 7 days before quitting. Seems pointless to me. I just hope I don't get told that I have to postpone this till next month. I've already bought my plane tickets.

I've been a little indifferent to this upcoming cycle, not because I don't think I'll get pregnant but because during my last two IVF's I had expectations and always ended up disappointed. The first time I wanted 8 embryos (2 to transfer, 6 to freeze). I got four. The second time I was so excited to have 18 eggs retrieved but extremely disappointed that only 10 were mature. I ended up with 7 embryos. So now we've got 7 embryos on ice. I think they're all 4-5 cells, grade 1-2. They're not perfect, I know that. So the big question is "How many will make it?" How many will we have to thaw in order to get 2 good embryos? I don't know and I'm not going to speculate because that would be setting expectations and I'll probably just get disappointed. If they have to that all 7 just to get 2 embryos then that's how it is. I've been so much more relaxed ever since Brandon and I had the adoption talk and we agreed that we would go down that road if these FET's didn't work out. I'm not calling it my back-up plan or anything but it makes me feel better knowing that we will have a child someday, whether it's through fertility treatment or adoption. And the great thing about the whole situation is that it really doesn't matter to us which it is: adoption or pregnancy. A baby is a baby. I just hope that whatever path we take doesn't lead to more heartache.

And lastly, please take the time to stop by Jenn's blog. After going to the hospital for the birthmom's induction and seeing her beautiful boy, she was devastated to learn that the mom decided to parent the baby. My heart breaks for her.