Thursday, October 28, 2010
Car Update
When I said Brandon was insanely jealous of my new car, I didn't realize how bad it actually was. Last night we had to return to the dealership to sign some more paperwork that wasn't ready because the main office had closed when we bought the car the night before. So as we're waiting to sign off on the paperwork, Brandon starts looking around at cars. And decides he wants one. A Nissan Sentra SL to be exact. I haven't even started my job (but I just got an email saying that I start Monday!) and he wants to buy a SECOND new car? At least his car would be about $4-6K less than mine. But still....that's alot of money. So I told him he has to do his research and wait at least until the end of December. After all, I looked at cars for months before deciding on a Rogue, I don't want him to just jump into the first car he sees just so he can use a built-in Bluetooth to talk on the phone. And we both decided we're going to keep our cars for at least 6 years so it has to be something he will like. *Sigh* It's going to suck having two car payments, but in all fairness he does have a 2000 Camry that will need to be replaced soon. I've come to the conclusion that the fumes from a new car are highly addictive. Stay away if you can! (or don't let your husband ride in the car with you)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Our New Addition
For those of you who thought we were getting a new dog, sorry to disappoint you!! Our homeowner's association won't allow us to have more than one dog so unless we decide to move on base, which is a possibility, we're staying a one-dog family. Though we hope to get Oso a brother or sister eventually.
No, the new addition to our family is a 2011 Nissan Rogue SV. We've been doing our research over the last few months and I was going back and forth between the Altima and the Rogue and Brandon had always been leaning towards the Rogue so that's what we settled on (though I must clarify that this car is my car...and Brandon is insanely jealous at the moment).
Our car buying experience couldn't have been more enjoyable, though we did have a few goofs. We decided to use USAA's Car Buying Service. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, you can go on to USAA, pick out the make and model you want and all the option packages and stuff as well. Then USAA lists a good price for you. If you choose to go forward, you release your contact info to 3 dealers and print out a "certificate" which states that those dealers agree to sell it for a certain price. It pretty much takes out all the haggling you have to do to buy a car. This particular dealership agreed to sell us the Rogue for $1,000 under invoice (not to be mistaken with MSRP which is much higher). We settled on $2,642 for my trade-in, a 2004 Chevy Venture van (yes, I drove a van for 6 years with no kids. One of my more stupid mistakes back when I thought it would be easy getting pregnant). With taxes and fees and all that other junk added in, we drove away in a brand new Rogue that only cost $22,008, over $2,000 less than what I paid for my new van 6 years ago.
I'm so in love. This car has everything I wanted without having to buy any extra packages. It has the steering wheel audio controls, Bluetooth and iPod connections, a back-up camera so I don't run into anything, and even comes with XM radio which is free for the first 3 months. I'm not a fan of leather seating so we steered clear of that. We considered getting the GPS navigation system but it only comes as part of a ($1,500) package that also includes a moonroof and other junk I don't care about. So we decided to skip the navigation system and keep our little $100 Magellan.
Like I said, we did have a few goofs along the way. Up until a few days ago I had been planning on getting a car with FWD (front wheel drive). Little did I know that in the Northeast they don't sell FWD cars, only AWD (all wheel drive). I think it has something to do with the snow. So we had to re-budget for an extra $1,500 to account for the more expensive AWD car. Then I had settled on a dealer and his dealership. He seemed like a nice guy over the phone, though they were an hour away. Still, I was determined to buy from this guy (his name was Mike and he worked at Bal.ise Nissan). So yesterday afternoon Brandon got off work early and we head to Mike's dealership. We get halfway there and realize we forgot the blank check for our car loan. We turn around and head back to get the check. When we finally get to Mike's dealership we ask for him and get shown into his office.
He had no clue who we were.
Turns out Mike didn't work at Bal.ise Nissan, he worked at Bar.ry Nissan in another town! Both dealerships were on my USAA certificate and I had mixed things up. No worries, this Mike turned out to be the finance manager and he introduced us to a salesman named Chris who eventually sold us the car. Brandon joked and said that we went to the right dealership, we just didn't know it at the time. I however felt pretty bad buying from Bal.ise when I had been telling Mike all week I would stop by and see him. But I have my car now so I suppose it shouldn't matter. I knew there was no way I was going to drive another 45 minutes to the right dealership for a car I could have easily gotten at Bal.ise.
So without further ado, here is our new car!!
Oh and for those who asked in my last post, my dog is a Schipperke (pronounced skip-er-key). Their name means "Little Captain" or "Little Skipper". They originate from Belgium, bred as boating dogs, used to catch rats on barges. Though apparently Oso didn't get that memo because he's not a fan of boats. He's not a "mouthy" little dog, in fact he rarely barks at all, only when he feels threatened or thinks there is an intruder. He's doesn't have the "Small Dog" syndrome either and is one of the most friendly little dogs I've ever met. Many people have told us that they are considering getting a Schipperke after they've met Oso. I mean, who wouldn't love that face? He's the best dog in the world!
No, the new addition to our family is a 2011 Nissan Rogue SV. We've been doing our research over the last few months and I was going back and forth between the Altima and the Rogue and Brandon had always been leaning towards the Rogue so that's what we settled on (though I must clarify that this car is my car...and Brandon is insanely jealous at the moment).
Our car buying experience couldn't have been more enjoyable, though we did have a few goofs. We decided to use USAA's Car Buying Service. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, you can go on to USAA, pick out the make and model you want and all the option packages and stuff as well. Then USAA lists a good price for you. If you choose to go forward, you release your contact info to 3 dealers and print out a "certificate" which states that those dealers agree to sell it for a certain price. It pretty much takes out all the haggling you have to do to buy a car. This particular dealership agreed to sell us the Rogue for $1,000 under invoice (not to be mistaken with MSRP which is much higher). We settled on $2,642 for my trade-in, a 2004 Chevy Venture van (yes, I drove a van for 6 years with no kids. One of my more stupid mistakes back when I thought it would be easy getting pregnant). With taxes and fees and all that other junk added in, we drove away in a brand new Rogue that only cost $22,008, over $2,000 less than what I paid for my new van 6 years ago.
I'm so in love. This car has everything I wanted without having to buy any extra packages. It has the steering wheel audio controls, Bluetooth and iPod connections, a back-up camera so I don't run into anything, and even comes with XM radio which is free for the first 3 months. I'm not a fan of leather seating so we steered clear of that. We considered getting the GPS navigation system but it only comes as part of a ($1,500) package that also includes a moonroof and other junk I don't care about. So we decided to skip the navigation system and keep our little $100 Magellan.
Like I said, we did have a few goofs along the way. Up until a few days ago I had been planning on getting a car with FWD (front wheel drive). Little did I know that in the Northeast they don't sell FWD cars, only AWD (all wheel drive). I think it has something to do with the snow. So we had to re-budget for an extra $1,500 to account for the more expensive AWD car. Then I had settled on a dealer and his dealership. He seemed like a nice guy over the phone, though they were an hour away. Still, I was determined to buy from this guy (his name was Mike and he worked at Bal.ise Nissan). So yesterday afternoon Brandon got off work early and we head to Mike's dealership. We get halfway there and realize we forgot the blank check for our car loan. We turn around and head back to get the check. When we finally get to Mike's dealership we ask for him and get shown into his office.
He had no clue who we were.
Turns out Mike didn't work at Bal.ise Nissan, he worked at Bar.ry Nissan in another town! Both dealerships were on my USAA certificate and I had mixed things up. No worries, this Mike turned out to be the finance manager and he introduced us to a salesman named Chris who eventually sold us the car. Brandon joked and said that we went to the right dealership, we just didn't know it at the time. I however felt pretty bad buying from Bal.ise when I had been telling Mike all week I would stop by and see him. But I have my car now so I suppose it shouldn't matter. I knew there was no way I was going to drive another 45 minutes to the right dealership for a car I could have easily gotten at Bal.ise.
So without further ado, here is our new car!!
Oh and for those who asked in my last post, my dog is a Schipperke (pronounced skip-er-key). Their name means "Little Captain" or "Little Skipper". They originate from Belgium, bred as boating dogs, used to catch rats on barges. Though apparently Oso didn't get that memo because he's not a fan of boats. He's not a "mouthy" little dog, in fact he rarely barks at all, only when he feels threatened or thinks there is an intruder. He's doesn't have the "Small Dog" syndrome either and is one of the most friendly little dogs I've ever met. Many people have told us that they are considering getting a Schipperke after they've met Oso. I mean, who wouldn't love that face? He's the best dog in the world!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A Busy Week
Today I felt it was appropriate to post in remembrance of my due date from my first IVF cycle. I should be having a baby today but instead my life is much much different. Perhaps everything happens for a reason but October 20th will always be etched in my memory as the day I should have became a mom.
Aside from this sad piece of my life, this week has been surprisingly busy. Over the past two weeks I've had two job interviews, and another one is scheduled for tomorrow. Fortunately I have decided to cancel tomorrow's interview because I was offered a position for one of the other jobs I interviewed for!!! I have to submit to a drug test and background check but once all that's done I can start working. I'm hoping to start by November 1st.
Brandon and I also got new phones this week. I got a Blackberry Curve and he got a Samsung Intercept or something like that. We also switched phone companies, fron AT&T to Sprint. Sprint offers a much better family plan for unlimited data and text. Unfortunately their cell phone coverage at our house SUCKS and after just one day of dealing with it I'm getting a little pissed. Brandon loves the new phones so he's thinking about getting some device to help our cell phone reception. I forgot the name of it but it looks like a router that you plug in to your wall. It's about $100 but the savings we'll get from having Sprint versus AT&T will more than make up for that. I just think Sprint should have better coverage so we don't have to get the damn thing in the first place. But such is life.
I'm still planning our trip to Ireland. It looks like we might have to rent a car after all, though I'm nervous about it. Not only would we have to drive on the left side of the road but most of the cars are manual so that means Brandon will be doing the driving and I hate it when he drives. But I think I would be too nervous to drive and he said he's driven on the left side of the road before (once when he was in South Korea). We also decided we're probably going to skip Cork and go to Kinsale instead. I hear it's a great place for good Irish food and Brandon and I are turning into foodies (though I'm not sure if I want to try the black pudding, a.k.a. blood sausage). And we're going to skip Limerick and stay an extra day in Killarney. We might try to explore Dingle Peninsula and I hear Doolin is worth visiting so that might take up our 9th day of sightseeing. It seems the more I research things to see the more stuff I want to see!! So I'm still narrowing down our choices.
And last but not least this week marked Oso's second birthday! So here's a few pictures of our cute little pup through the years.
Aside from this sad piece of my life, this week has been surprisingly busy. Over the past two weeks I've had two job interviews, and another one is scheduled for tomorrow. Fortunately I have decided to cancel tomorrow's interview because I was offered a position for one of the other jobs I interviewed for!!! I have to submit to a drug test and background check but once all that's done I can start working. I'm hoping to start by November 1st.
Brandon and I also got new phones this week. I got a Blackberry Curve and he got a Samsung Intercept or something like that. We also switched phone companies, fron AT&T to Sprint. Sprint offers a much better family plan for unlimited data and text. Unfortunately their cell phone coverage at our house SUCKS and after just one day of dealing with it I'm getting a little pissed. Brandon loves the new phones so he's thinking about getting some device to help our cell phone reception. I forgot the name of it but it looks like a router that you plug in to your wall. It's about $100 but the savings we'll get from having Sprint versus AT&T will more than make up for that. I just think Sprint should have better coverage so we don't have to get the damn thing in the first place. But such is life.
I'm still planning our trip to Ireland. It looks like we might have to rent a car after all, though I'm nervous about it. Not only would we have to drive on the left side of the road but most of the cars are manual so that means Brandon will be doing the driving and I hate it when he drives. But I think I would be too nervous to drive and he said he's driven on the left side of the road before (once when he was in South Korea). We also decided we're probably going to skip Cork and go to Kinsale instead. I hear it's a great place for good Irish food and Brandon and I are turning into foodies (though I'm not sure if I want to try the black pudding, a.k.a. blood sausage). And we're going to skip Limerick and stay an extra day in Killarney. We might try to explore Dingle Peninsula and I hear Doolin is worth visiting so that might take up our 9th day of sightseeing. It seems the more I research things to see the more stuff I want to see!! So I'm still narrowing down our choices.
And last but not least this week marked Oso's second birthday! So here's a few pictures of our cute little pup through the years.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Big Plans
Thank you all for your kind comments on my last post. I was feeling a bit guilty for deleting those blogs I followed and for hiding some of my friends on Facebook. It's not that I'm a completely bitter woman, it's just that I don't have the energy to feel happy for someone and feel sad for myself. Once I get over this feeling of sadness I'll probably go back to reading those blogs. But not now. And some blogs I can handle reading while others I can't. It's just how it is. Fran summed up my last post so well: "I have to see the end of the road regardless of the outcome." How very true. I had to create a stopping point for myself, before my emotions took over and I made decisions and spent money I would have regretted. And that stopping point is after we use all our frozen embryos.
Speaking of frozen embryos, Brandon and I scheduled our first FET for January. Nurse D said my transfer will be around the 31st. Until then we're on our own in the baby-making department.
But on to the Big Plans. Brandon and I decided that it's finally time to redeem our consolation prize from our first IVF. I'm super excited to start planning our trip. We haven't picked the exact dates yet but we narrowed it down to two choices: mid-March during Brandon's Spring Break (we'll be there for Saint Patrick's Day!) or late May between Brandon's spring and summer classes. Both choices have their pros and cons and so it will be hard to decide when to go. We'll be going for about 11 days which will give us 9 days of sightseeing and 2 days for travel. A few friends made suggestions for us and we added them to our list of Things We Must See in Ireland. That list is:
Cliffs of Moher
Ring of Kerry
Kylemore Abbey
Drink beer in a pub (even though we hate beer, it's Ireland dammit and I'm drinking Guinness)
Visit some castles
Spend the night in a castle (Brandon has his heart set on Waterford Castle)
Aside from all the touristy stuff, we'd love to visit some small towns and go shopping and eat at little restaurants that nobody's heard of except for the locals. That is the kind of traveling that Brandon and I like to do. We like to truly experience the places we visit, not just visit the popular areas, buy some postcards and brag that we were there. Unfortunately I'm not sure if we'll have enough time to visit the popular places and the small towns. But I've got vacation planning down to a science so after I do some more research I'll have more information and I'll be able to figure out how much we'll be able to do.
We plan on making a loop around Ireland, starting in Dublin and visiting various towns along the way, hoping and praying that we can get a bus or a train to all these places. We don't plan on renting a car while we're there (hey, it worked for us in Peru and we were there for a month). So here's a rough schedule of our trip:
Day 1: Dublin (beer in a pub)
Day 2: Waterford (for the castle stay but we need to find other stuff to do there)
Day 3: Cork (Blarney Castle?)
Day 4: Killarney (Ring of Kerry)
Day 5: Limerick (no idea what to do here but I like the name of the town)
Day 6 and 7: Galway (Cliffs of Moher, Kylemore Abbey)
Day 8: Dublin
I'm not sure what to do with our 9th day of travel. Maybe we'll spend an extra day in one of those towns. We decided to avoid Northern Ireland because we didn't feel like having to switch from euros to pounds and all that. But if I do more research and find that we have time to go then we might shoot over to Belfast for a day.
So if anyone has been to Ireland or lives there (Fran!) and can give some tips or advice of things we should do, I would much appreciate it! We have plenty of time to make plans for our trip and I'm glad it will give me something to do.
Speaking of frozen embryos, Brandon and I scheduled our first FET for January. Nurse D said my transfer will be around the 31st. Until then we're on our own in the baby-making department.
But on to the Big Plans. Brandon and I decided that it's finally time to redeem our consolation prize from our first IVF. I'm super excited to start planning our trip. We haven't picked the exact dates yet but we narrowed it down to two choices: mid-March during Brandon's Spring Break (we'll be there for Saint Patrick's Day!) or late May between Brandon's spring and summer classes. Both choices have their pros and cons and so it will be hard to decide when to go. We'll be going for about 11 days which will give us 9 days of sightseeing and 2 days for travel. A few friends made suggestions for us and we added them to our list of Things We Must See in Ireland. That list is:
Cliffs of Moher
Ring of Kerry
Kylemore Abbey
Drink beer in a pub (even though we hate beer, it's Ireland dammit and I'm drinking Guinness)
Visit some castles
Spend the night in a castle (Brandon has his heart set on Waterford Castle)
Aside from all the touristy stuff, we'd love to visit some small towns and go shopping and eat at little restaurants that nobody's heard of except for the locals. That is the kind of traveling that Brandon and I like to do. We like to truly experience the places we visit, not just visit the popular areas, buy some postcards and brag that we were there. Unfortunately I'm not sure if we'll have enough time to visit the popular places and the small towns. But I've got vacation planning down to a science so after I do some more research I'll have more information and I'll be able to figure out how much we'll be able to do.
We plan on making a loop around Ireland, starting in Dublin and visiting various towns along the way, hoping and praying that we can get a bus or a train to all these places. We don't plan on renting a car while we're there (hey, it worked for us in Peru and we were there for a month). So here's a rough schedule of our trip:
Day 1: Dublin (beer in a pub)
Day 2: Waterford (for the castle stay but we need to find other stuff to do there)
Day 3: Cork (Blarney Castle?)
Day 4: Killarney (Ring of Kerry)
Day 5: Limerick (no idea what to do here but I like the name of the town)
Day 6 and 7: Galway (Cliffs of Moher, Kylemore Abbey)
Day 8: Dublin
I'm not sure what to do with our 9th day of travel. Maybe we'll spend an extra day in one of those towns. We decided to avoid Northern Ireland because we didn't feel like having to switch from euros to pounds and all that. But if I do more research and find that we have time to go then we might shoot over to Belfast for a day.
So if anyone has been to Ireland or lives there (Fran!) and can give some tips or advice of things we should do, I would much appreciate it! We have plenty of time to make plans for our trip and I'm glad it will give me something to do.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I'm Still Here
This past week has been one of the toughest I've ever had to endure. I knew before I got the call last Wednesday that this cycle hadn't worked but hearing it from the nurse, realizing the finality of it was almost too much to bear. I joked to Brandon that at least we didn't have a miscarriage, but I have to admit that a BFN was almost as bad. I spent almost every day on the verge of tears. Our anniversary was supposed to be a day of celebration, both of our marriage and the possibility of a pregnancy. Instead it was dismal and sad. I didn't even bother going in for my second beta, the one they tell you to get "just in case" the first beta was wrong. After Wednesday I had stopped caring. We ran off to New Hampshire for the weekend to try to salvage our anniversary and for two short days we were happy and were able to forget about this terrible cycle. Then we came back last night and the depression started again.
I think what made the BFN hard for me was a combination of things: our anniversary (the first one we were able to spend together since our marriage, due to the military), the BFP of my cycle buddy, and the fact that in less than two weeks I should be giving birth to a healthy baby girl, the one we conceived from our first IVF. Instead I miscarried at 8 weeks and got a BFN from our second IVF cycle. This has just been a shitty shitty month, one that will probably only get harder as our due date (Oct 20th) approaches.
Brandon and I are coming very very close to the end of this infertility road. Emotionally and financially we are spent. Gone are the days of excitement and optimism when starting a fresh cycle. Now there is no excitement, no hopes of a pregnancy, no dreams of how we plan on telling our family the news or whether this next Mother's Day or Father's Day will be celebrated as new parents. It's all gone. It's like when you first start trying to get pregnant, sex is so different, so fun. It actually has a purpose, and that purpose is to make a baby. But then you get diagnosed with infertility and you're told when you can have sex and when you're supposed to abstain. Infertility takes the fun out of sex. That's how I feel now, only about the entire baby-making process. It's no longer fun or hopeful or exciting. It's a drag and to be honest, if we didn't have 7 frozen embryos I would be quitting right now. But we do have those embryos and we're going to keep trying until we run out.
And then we're done.
Adoption is no longer on the table, unless I find a job that has decent adoption benefits. We will consider IUI's only if we move back to Washington and can drive to Madigan for them. We're not traveling 1,400 miles to NC for an IUI. We're setting aside $9K for the 2-3 frozen embryo transfers and that's it. Either we'll get pregnant or we won't. Do I think we'll get pregnant from those frozen embryos? Yes. Do I think we'll have a healthy, safe pregnancy? I have no idea. All I know is that Brandon and I have agreed on a stopping point for this process and we're both at peace with living childless if we don't get pregnant by that time. It sucks that we've reached this emotional and financial limit before we're even 30 but we refuse to go broke trying to have a kid. It doesn't make sense to us, and even though I know plenty of people out there would take out loans and second mortgages for the chance to have a baby, that's not for us. We won't live on ramen noodles just to get pregnant. Some would call us selfish but I don't care what other people think. The truth is that it's almost getting to the point where we don't want kids anymore just because it's too expensive and too hard. Never in a million years did I think I would be writing those words but I am. And Brandon and I both feel that after these FET's are done, we can say we gave it our best shot. If we end up pregnant from them, great, but if we fail then we are okay knowing that we tried.
So I can say without a doubt that by my 30th birthday next July I will either be pregnant or done with our family building. And we will either be starting the Next Big Adventure as new parents, or we will be continuing our Current Big Adventure as a childless couple who loves spending time with each other.
On a side note, some of you may notice that the blogs I read have drastically changed. I had been following many blogs whose authors ended up getting pregnant or had babies, always through infertility treatments or adoption. Through the past few months I've been able to handle reading those blogs but lately it's just become too much and I had to remove the majority them. I also removed some that don't post often, but I added a few new infertility blogs in their place. I apologize to anyone for removing myself as a follower on your blog but I hope you understand that this is really my only "safe zone" since Facebook and the fertility boards are covered with pregnant people and infertility success stories. At this point in my life I would just like to have one space where I don't have to read about someone else's pregnancy or new baby. And I understand if I lose some followers too. After all, I lost two on the day I posted about my BFN! Everyone has their own reason for reading a blog and if you ever feel that this blog isn't providing the needs you're looking for then feel free to stop reading. No hard feelings.
I think what made the BFN hard for me was a combination of things: our anniversary (the first one we were able to spend together since our marriage, due to the military), the BFP of my cycle buddy, and the fact that in less than two weeks I should be giving birth to a healthy baby girl, the one we conceived from our first IVF. Instead I miscarried at 8 weeks and got a BFN from our second IVF cycle. This has just been a shitty shitty month, one that will probably only get harder as our due date (Oct 20th) approaches.
Brandon and I are coming very very close to the end of this infertility road. Emotionally and financially we are spent. Gone are the days of excitement and optimism when starting a fresh cycle. Now there is no excitement, no hopes of a pregnancy, no dreams of how we plan on telling our family the news or whether this next Mother's Day or Father's Day will be celebrated as new parents. It's all gone. It's like when you first start trying to get pregnant, sex is so different, so fun. It actually has a purpose, and that purpose is to make a baby. But then you get diagnosed with infertility and you're told when you can have sex and when you're supposed to abstain. Infertility takes the fun out of sex. That's how I feel now, only about the entire baby-making process. It's no longer fun or hopeful or exciting. It's a drag and to be honest, if we didn't have 7 frozen embryos I would be quitting right now. But we do have those embryos and we're going to keep trying until we run out.
And then we're done.
Adoption is no longer on the table, unless I find a job that has decent adoption benefits. We will consider IUI's only if we move back to Washington and can drive to Madigan for them. We're not traveling 1,400 miles to NC for an IUI. We're setting aside $9K for the 2-3 frozen embryo transfers and that's it. Either we'll get pregnant or we won't. Do I think we'll get pregnant from those frozen embryos? Yes. Do I think we'll have a healthy, safe pregnancy? I have no idea. All I know is that Brandon and I have agreed on a stopping point for this process and we're both at peace with living childless if we don't get pregnant by that time. It sucks that we've reached this emotional and financial limit before we're even 30 but we refuse to go broke trying to have a kid. It doesn't make sense to us, and even though I know plenty of people out there would take out loans and second mortgages for the chance to have a baby, that's not for us. We won't live on ramen noodles just to get pregnant. Some would call us selfish but I don't care what other people think. The truth is that it's almost getting to the point where we don't want kids anymore just because it's too expensive and too hard. Never in a million years did I think I would be writing those words but I am. And Brandon and I both feel that after these FET's are done, we can say we gave it our best shot. If we end up pregnant from them, great, but if we fail then we are okay knowing that we tried.
So I can say without a doubt that by my 30th birthday next July I will either be pregnant or done with our family building. And we will either be starting the Next Big Adventure as new parents, or we will be continuing our Current Big Adventure as a childless couple who loves spending time with each other.
On a side note, some of you may notice that the blogs I read have drastically changed. I had been following many blogs whose authors ended up getting pregnant or had babies, always through infertility treatments or adoption. Through the past few months I've been able to handle reading those blogs but lately it's just become too much and I had to remove the majority them. I also removed some that don't post often, but I added a few new infertility blogs in their place. I apologize to anyone for removing myself as a follower on your blog but I hope you understand that this is really my only "safe zone" since Facebook and the fertility boards are covered with pregnant people and infertility success stories. At this point in my life I would just like to have one space where I don't have to read about someone else's pregnancy or new baby. And I understand if I lose some followers too. After all, I lost two on the day I posted about my BFN! Everyone has their own reason for reading a blog and if you ever feel that this blog isn't providing the needs you're looking for then feel free to stop reading. No hard feelings.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Beta Day
Beta is 1. Can't say I'm surprised, I just find it super shitty that we got this news on our anniversary. FML
Monday, October 4, 2010
I Swear By Fertility Blend
Let me just preface this post by saying I still got a BFN this morning at 9dp3dt but I'm bitter and don't want to talk about it. Let's instead talk about Brandon's sperm.
When we first started TTC a couple years ago, trying the Clomid and timed intercourse (child's play compared to what we're doing now), Brandon got his first sperm analysis. We were shocked to find that his count was low. His count was 2 million total motile (post-wash). The doctor immediately recommended IVF because to be successful with an IUI we would need at least 10 million sperm post-wash. So Brandon made a few lifestyle changes: he cut out caffeine, started taking a daily vitamin (then switched to Fertility Blend), and even tried acupuncture for a month (though he hated it and quit). So we decided to go for an IUI and see what kind of results we would get. In May 2009 I was so happy that his count had gone up to 19 million total motile post-wash!! Of course the IUI's didn't work out, though we only tried it twice. I got frustrated by the fact that I would take the max dose of Clomid and only get one follicle. I asked for Follistim but was told they were afraid I would have multiples if I overstimmed (this was Madigan, not Womack). So we moved on to IVF #1, which resulted in 4 embryos at day 3: two grade-1 and two grade-2. As most of you know that resulted in a miscarriage and here we are in the 2WW for IVF #2.
This time I asked for our fertilization report when we showed up for our embryo transfer. The receptionist said she could mail it to me and I just received it today. Brandon's total motile count post-wash: 133 million. His motility post-wash was 95%. Now part of it could be the lack of caffeine (though Brandon will drink a caffeinated beverage about once a month), the fact he doesn't drink alcohol, or the fact that he's a fairly skinny guy. But he's never drank alcohol and he was skinny back when he had a shitty sperm count so really those can't be the reasons his sperm has miraculously increased by 660%. I honestly attribute it to the Fertility Blend, which Brandon has taken for the past 5 months leading up to IVF #2. He did take it before IVF #1 but not as long and I don't have the results of his sperm count for that cycle. For all I know they could be similar.
So we're going to get another sperm analysis done for Brandon, specifically to test for morphology to see if he has any issues there. None of the SA's we've had have tested for that. If all looks good then we may ditch IVF (and perhaps IUI's) for good. Obviously we would use all our frozen embryos till we get pregnant or run out, I'm just saying that perhaps we never needed IVF to begin with. Perhaps all we needed was a little Fertility Blend for Brandon, some Follistim for me, and a little nookie to get pregnant.
When we first started TTC a couple years ago, trying the Clomid and timed intercourse (child's play compared to what we're doing now), Brandon got his first sperm analysis. We were shocked to find that his count was low. His count was 2 million total motile (post-wash). The doctor immediately recommended IVF because to be successful with an IUI we would need at least 10 million sperm post-wash. So Brandon made a few lifestyle changes: he cut out caffeine, started taking a daily vitamin (then switched to Fertility Blend), and even tried acupuncture for a month (though he hated it and quit). So we decided to go for an IUI and see what kind of results we would get. In May 2009 I was so happy that his count had gone up to 19 million total motile post-wash!! Of course the IUI's didn't work out, though we only tried it twice. I got frustrated by the fact that I would take the max dose of Clomid and only get one follicle. I asked for Follistim but was told they were afraid I would have multiples if I overstimmed (this was Madigan, not Womack). So we moved on to IVF #1, which resulted in 4 embryos at day 3: two grade-1 and two grade-2. As most of you know that resulted in a miscarriage and here we are in the 2WW for IVF #2.
This time I asked for our fertilization report when we showed up for our embryo transfer. The receptionist said she could mail it to me and I just received it today. Brandon's total motile count post-wash: 133 million. His motility post-wash was 95%. Now part of it could be the lack of caffeine (though Brandon will drink a caffeinated beverage about once a month), the fact he doesn't drink alcohol, or the fact that he's a fairly skinny guy. But he's never drank alcohol and he was skinny back when he had a shitty sperm count so really those can't be the reasons his sperm has miraculously increased by 660%. I honestly attribute it to the Fertility Blend, which Brandon has taken for the past 5 months leading up to IVF #2. He did take it before IVF #1 but not as long and I don't have the results of his sperm count for that cycle. For all I know they could be similar.
So we're going to get another sperm analysis done for Brandon, specifically to test for morphology to see if he has any issues there. None of the SA's we've had have tested for that. If all looks good then we may ditch IVF (and perhaps IUI's) for good. Obviously we would use all our frozen embryos till we get pregnant or run out, I'm just saying that perhaps we never needed IVF to begin with. Perhaps all we needed was a little Fertility Blend for Brandon, some Follistim for me, and a little nookie to get pregnant.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
8dp3dt
I peed on a stick this morning. BFN. This was the day I got my first positive pregnancy test last IVF cycle. I don't have much hope for this anymore. I know people will tell me to stay optimistic and all that, but you can't get rid of the feeling in the pit of your stomach, no matter what people try to tell you. Beta is Wednesday.
Friday, October 1, 2010
6dp3dt
Today is 6 days past my 3-day transfer. My family is visiting and so I didn't get to spend much time relaxing earlier this week. We did a lot of walking around Mystic, CT and New York City but now the weather has cut into our plans for the rest of the week so I've been taking it easy. We might go back to NYC on Saturday but we won't do as much walking.
Other than my super sore boobs, which seems to get worse every day, I've got no symptoms at all. No cramping, no spotting, no tiredness. At 5dp3dt last IVF I had the tiredness and spotting and at 7dp3dt I had the cramping. I remember that all those symptoms were so reassuring that I was pregnant. This time there's nothing, and that's very discouraging. I know the sore boobs are from the Endometrin so I can't pretend that's a pregnancy symptom. I'll probably start to POAS tomorrow to see if anything shows up but I'm not feeling too optimistic right now. I really wish I hadn't had visitors during this week. I think I should have relaxed more those first few days. But what's done is done and I can only hope for that elusive BFP even though there's nothing I can do to change the outcome right now.
Other than my super sore boobs, which seems to get worse every day, I've got no symptoms at all. No cramping, no spotting, no tiredness. At 5dp3dt last IVF I had the tiredness and spotting and at 7dp3dt I had the cramping. I remember that all those symptoms were so reassuring that I was pregnant. This time there's nothing, and that's very discouraging. I know the sore boobs are from the Endometrin so I can't pretend that's a pregnancy symptom. I'll probably start to POAS tomorrow to see if anything shows up but I'm not feeling too optimistic right now. I really wish I hadn't had visitors during this week. I think I should have relaxed more those first few days. But what's done is done and I can only hope for that elusive BFP even though there's nothing I can do to change the outcome right now.
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