Still a stressful week

Even when I take a break from fertility treatments it find a way to haunt me. Brandon had an appointment yesterday to freeze a spermsicle so I can continue treatments during his deployment. I have anxiously been waiting for the results of that appointment. We need to know if the results were good or bad so we can decide if he should go to his next appointment tomorrow. Finally I called SRM this morning and left a message. They called me back and said they had forwarded his results to Madigan and to call them to discuss whether we should come back for another appointment. This panicked me a little. The results must be bad or else they would have told me. Brandon thinks they just don't want to give the results over the phone and are passing that responsibility on to Madigan's nurses. At any rate I left a message at Madigan and I'm going to have a frikkin heart attack if they don't call me back soon. I want to know if our $250 was a waste of money. I want to know if those expensive vitamins (Fertility Blend) we bought were worth it. Brandon is telling me to chill out. The results will be the same whether I get them now or an hour from now. I hate how he's always right and never worries about things like I do. I wish I could concentrate on happier things.

Aside from fertility I plan on having a good week. Brandon just submitted his STA-21 officer application yesterday and we're both very optimistic even though this is his first time applying. He should find out in October if he has been accepted in the program. On Wednesday we will be travelling to PA to visit my dad and his side of the family. This will be the first time that Brandon has met any of them and we've been married almost 2 years! We're also planning to take a backcountry camping trip in July. We are thinking about hiking to Surprise Lake, a beautiful area near Stevens Pass about 2 hours away. Those plans aren't finalized yet but I hope we're able to go.

Ok so it's been 16 minutes and they haven't called back yet. Are they screening their calls? Should I try from a different phone? I can't stand it! I'm so impatient.

No IUI this month

Well my ultrasound yesterday showed that the follicles decided not to grow. So there will be no IUI for this month. The doctor suggested that I take a break next month and then we'll try again. I agreed. So for the next 6 weeks or so I have decided to take a break from acupuncture and fertility treatments. Instead I'm going to work on my diet and exercise and try to lose 6-10 pounds before we're ready to try again. Of course, that's based on the assumption that Brandon can freeze some good sperm samples before leaving in a few weeks. He will be deployed about 4 months so I will have to use frozen samples. I think we will try 2-3 more IUI's before giving up and moving on to IVF. For now I'm just going to worry about losing some weight and we'll see how things turn out in a few months.

Ultrasound #3

Today I had my third ultrasound for this cycle. After getting the new injectible medication I became a little too optimistic. I knew I was setting myself up for disappointment but I didn't care. I became convinced that this medication would be the thing I needed to get some good follicles. Well the ultrasound showed differently. My uterine lining is still growing and the doctor thinks it looks great but the follicles still aren't growing much. The one on my right is staying at 10mm and probably will not grow at all. The one on the left grew from 10.5mm to 12mm and I think the doctor found a second follie on the left at 10mm. So today I had to inject myself with Follistim again and I will use the last of the medication tomorrow morning. Then I go in for a fourth ultrasound tomorrow afternoon. I'm hoping that the doctor will finally make a decision about whether to proceed with this cycle or not. My follicles don't seem too committed to growing. Come on now, SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT!! I feel like I'm dealing with a boyfriend who has commitment issues. I have no patience for this. I would rather just give up this cycle and start fresh than aggravate myself all month only to be disappointed again.

On a much happier note Brandon got a Navy Achievement Medal (NAM) today! He also finished his first two online courses at NC State. He got B's in both classes. I'm so proud of him.

My second ultrasound for June

I had my second ultrasound appointment this morning to see how my follicles were doing. They barely grew! The 10mm follie on my right didn't grow and the 9mm follie on my left grew to 10.5mm. I was disappointed but hardly surprised at the results. Still, the doctor seemed very pleased with the lining of my uterus which grew from 5mm to 7mm. He decided that we would use some injectible medication to try and salvage this cycle. So I received 75IU of Follistim this morning and the doctor gave me my own Follistim pen to use. I have to give myself another 75IU tomorrow morning. The needle is quite small and I barely felt it. The nurse injected the medication into my stomach but you can also inject it in the upper thigh. I prefer the stomach. So we are still playing the waiting game for now. I go in for another ultrasound on Thursday to see if anything has changed. I have a little more hope with the injectible medication but part of me feels like this is just a lost cause right now. I'm not putting too much faith into this cycle and instead I'm just preparing myself to get ready for another one. I hope that Thursday will prove me wrong.

Tricare Coverage of Infertility

**In March 2010 this blog post was expanded into an article and published on Associated Content. Click here for the full article and more information about what Tricare covers regarding infertility.**

Today's ultrasound appointment

Today I had my cd11 follicle scan. I wasn't feeling too optimistic about this cycle to begin with and it turns out I was right. The doc found two follicles, one at 10mm on my right and one at 9mm on my left. They are smaller than last month's follies which were 12mm and 10mm on cd10. The doc said they are still potential candidates and I have to go back on Tuesday for another ultrasound. That would put me at cd15. Last month I had a scan on cd15 and it showed a big follicle at 21mm. So we will see how this scan compares to last month's scan.

This afternoon I lamented to my acupuncturist about the size of my follicles and their lack of growth. He took his acupuncture book and looked to see if there were any points that stimulate FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone). He found one in the ear and needled that point for me. So I feel a little better now that we might be able to get my follies to grow naturally. We'll see if it works when I go to my next ultrasound.

On another note I found out that Madigan's IVF program is full until March 2011. I'm pretty sure that if I don't get pregnant by Christmas then we will attempt IVF but we will go to Womack at Fort Bragg, NC instead. They currently have no waiting period and are cheaper than Madigan.

Songs about Infertility

I found some songs about infertility, I hope you enjoy them! My favorite one is I Would Die for That

Kellie Coffey "I Would Die for That"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Lady Saw "No Less than a Woman (Infertility)"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ggirUh6Jmo

Dixie Chicks "So Hard" (couldn't find a good video)

Starting over again

Well Aunt Flow paid me a visit at work on Tuesday, how thoughtful. I immediately called the nurse at Madigan and she ordered a pregnancy test. This process is normal, I have to take an "official" test before they will give me a new prescription of meds. So I ran up to the naval hospital that afternoon and took it. It was negative of course so yesterday she sent in my prescription for another round of Clomid.

I took off an hour early yesterday to go pick up my medications at the Bangor pharmacy but on the way home I completely forgot about it and drove straight home! By the time I remembered my errand it was too late to go to the pharmacy. So I guess I will have to run up there today because I have to start my medications tonight. I have an ultrasound scheduled for next Friday which will be cd11 so I hope they find a growing follicle (two would be even better!) I'm going to start exercising this weekend and hope I lose a couple pounds before my tentative IUI. I'm a little more skeptical about the success for this month but I'm still staying optimistic through it all. I hope I don't get disappointed again.

Losing Hope

Over the weekend I had a bit of cramping and I began to get the feeling that this month was not a success. I woke up this morning and took my basal body temperature (BBT) as usual. My temp plummeted to 96.9 which is apparently an indicator that a period is near. I decided to take a pregnancy test anyway. I got a Big Fat Negative (BFN). So all the signs are consistent with a failed IUI. Now I'll just wait for Aunt Flow to show up and call the doctor for his advice. I'll probably take another pregnancy test this week just to be sure. I hope we can squeeze in one more IUI before Brandon leaves on his deployment in July. The rest will have to be done with frozen sperm until he gets back. It hasn't been a great day so far, but I just keep reminding myself that we're at least safe from having to do IVF right now.

Playing the waiting game

Today I am 9dpiui (9 days past IUI). I think the HCG shot is still in my system until tomorrow so there's no point in taking a pregnancy test any time soon. It would just show a false positive. I'll hold out until Monday before taking my first test. If it comes out negative, I'll take another test 2 days later and keep going that until I get a + or until it's time to start next month's medication. I don't really trust HPT's (home pregnancy tests) because the last time I was pregnant I took two tests on two different days, got a negative result on each test, and even started my period on time. Two weeks later I had my miscarriage. I felt cheated because I didn't even know I had been pregnant and never got to experience any pregnancy symptoms. So I will take as many tests as necessary to ensure that I'm not getting a misleading answer this time.

Last time the Clomid worked for me was back in January. When the doctor found a follicle that was mature, he said I should ovulate any day and to go home and have sex that night. Nothing against my wonderful husband but I had never been so excited to have sex in my life!! I thought for sure this would be it. I only waited until cd23 to start taking the HPT's, which is too early of course. Still, I kept peeing on those sticks every morning and wasted about $50. I was just too anxious to wait until the right day to test (around cd28). Of course I didn't end up getting pregnant and I was seriously depressed at the end of the month.

This time around is completely different. I'm not anxious at all. I count each day that goes by, and I do think about it frequently, but I'm not counting the minutes until it's time to take a test. Perhaps it's because the acupuncture has relaxed me so much. Perhaps it's just because I'm being more realistic about this cycle. Who knows. The only thing I've found truly annoying is everyone else!! I made the mistake of telling my best friend what was happening. I also told my friend at work and a couple co-workers. Now I hear daily "Are you pregnant yet?" and "Do you feel pregnant yet?" and "When are you going to find out?". It's driving me crazy!! I think next time I will be little more hush-hush about it. I purposely didn't tell my family because they're 100 times worse. They worry too much and would call me every day to see if anything has changed. Then I would never be able to relax and forget about it! I'll tell them soon enough though.