We're on our own this month

Yesterday I had my first follicle scan for this cycle. It was cd13 so there wasn't much to see. The doctor found two follicles on the right at 9.5mm each. He found another one on the left at 12mm. My lining was pretty thin, only about 3.5mm. I'm wondering if this is due to the fact that I haven't been doing acupuncture for a couple months. So things are looking promising for this month. Now here comes the bad news: both of the doctors at Madigan will be out ALL next week so I get no more ultrasounds for cycle, nor can I have my IUI. I was a little bummed at that news but I immediately found the silver lining. This means that when Brandon comes home from his deployment we won't have to abstain in preparation for an IUI! We can just have intercourse. I don't say timed intercourse because that will all probably go out the window once he gets home. Hey, it's been 4 months, I'm just being honest. So at this point I have pretty much accepted the fact that we will not be getting pregnant this month. If we can't get pregnant from an IUI, sex is not going to do anything to help us. Instead I will just enjoy the holiday, enjoy spending time with my husband, and enjoy my upcoming vacations. If we get a BFP this month, then I'll give God the credit for our blessing. It's all in His hands now.

Crazy is my middle name

Brandon is coming home soon. Very very soon. Hopefully in time for my ovulation, which today is cd12 for me. But he has one last stop in a port that I've never been to before. I can't mention where it is at this point but after it's all said and done, I'll be able to post pictures and you can pretty much figure it out on your own. Since this will be his last deployment for 3+ years, I have decided to book a flight to said port. I'll only be there for two short nights and I emailed my husband about it AFTER I had already booked the flight. Now I can only hope that he won't have duty during the time that I'm there. My co-workers and friends think I'm crazy, and I don't exactly deny it. Spending $700 to go see my husband for 2 days when he's coming home so soon doesn't make sense. But at least we'll get to have some baby-making sex just in case he doesn't make it home in time for the big "O". And I get a mini-vacation out of the deal, what's not to love?? At least that's what I'm telling myself....till I have to pay the credit card bill

I was right!!!

Of course, aren't I always right? At least when it comes to my body. Aunt Flow showed up Saturday morning, just like I expected. So I did ovulate after all. I wonder what I did differently to make that happen. Was it the wheatgrass, acupuncture, weight loss? Guess I'll never know. Over the weekend I thought about trying for one last IUI before our IVF cycle in January, even though I think Clomid is the drug of the devil and gives me mood swings from hell. Brandon should be home just in time for my ovulation, but it's cutting it very close. If he misses the window then there's no frozen sperm to use so I'd be screwed (actually I wouldn't, which would be the problem!). But I think it's a chance worth taking if it can save us from having to do IVF. I called the nurse at Madigan and left them a message so I hope they will agree to prescribe me the Clomid. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Am I...? No way

I know what you're thinking and no, I'm not pregnant. We're all out of spermsicles, we used them all for our last IUI. But this past month has felt a little strange for me. I had the sneaking suspicion that I ovulated this month. On my own. For the first time in God knows how many years. I got a random period while I was doing acupuncture back in March but it didn't feel like this. And today I woke up with sore boobs. I wonder if this means that a period is on the way. If I did ovulate this month, I'm not sure whether to be happy that I did it naturally or be a little pissed because I couldn't take advantage of the opportunity. Brandon doesn't come home for another few weeks, I can only hope that our romantic vacation to Cancun will coax another little follicle to mature so we can do some real baby-making this time. And if that doesn't happen, oh well. I'm still getting hot sex in Cancun!

My trip to North Carolina

I had a wonderful weekend visiting my friends and family in North Carolina. My first stop was to see my sister and her new baby. Blake is still in the NICU but is now up to 4 pounds and staying in an open crib. That just happened yesterday though, so when I saw him he was still in the little incubator. He's starting to fill out and doesn't look so much like an old, wrinkly man anymore. My sister is hoping that he gets to come home by Halloween. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

After a day with my sister I drove down to Jacksonville to hang out with my best friend. We had some wild and crazy times like we always do. We even had a chance to go fishing. I didn't get to see all my friends that weekend but I have plans to go visit more people in December when I go back out to NC for a few days. This is mostly business though. I have to meet the doctor at Womack, take the injection class and pick up my medication. Seeing my friends will just be icing on the cake.

Learning to breathe

This morning I worked out a budget for our upcoming IVF cycle. I calculated that the IVF would cost about $8K and the travel expenses would be an additional $3K. It was about $1,000 more than I had previously thought. It's much less than going to a civilian clinic but the whole idea still makes my head spin. I actually have a headache right now from thinking about all of it. I suppose it didn't seem real to me up until now. It's a difficult thought to process. How did I get to this point? I never ever thought that my desires to be a mother would force me to go this far. I thought a few cycles of IUI would do the trick. I can't believe that I'm now having to embark on this journey through IVF. So many women have done it before me, but yet I still feel alone in the process. Perhaps as the months go by I will get used to this way of life and won't think twice about the money or the injections or the pain of all this. I can only hope.

Let's get this show on the road

I should be thoroughly bummed that I got a BFN last month but I'm not really. I'm chugging right along, getting my tests done for the January IVF. Yesterday I went in to have some blood drawn for a variety of tests. They ended up taking TWELVE tubes!! I felt like my arm had been sucked dry. This Thursday I have to go to Madigan for a saline sonogram. I hear it's not as bad as an HSG so I'm not too worried about it. Then Thursday night I board a red-eye flight for NC. I'm going to visit my sister and her new baby and also visit a bunch of friends. I'm really looking forward to it, even though 4 days isn't nearly long enough of a vacation. But Cancun is right around the corner and I'll be spending 7 days alone with my husband. I can't wait until he comes home, deployments never get any easier. Oh, and it's our two-year anniversary today.

14dpiui

And I got a BFN. On top of that, AF came last night, lucky me. She decided to show up at the gym while I was doing a serious power workout. I don't know what happened last night but somehow my jaw felt so sore and tight like I had been clenching my teeth for an hour. That in turn made my ears hurt which made my head hurt. I almost felt like throwing up but I kept pushing through the workout. Then my back started killing me. I thought it was because I had been working out longer than I usually do so I just ignored it. Turns out it was AF just paying a visit. I will never ever work out again when my period is about to show up. As for the IF part of this, I'm getting all my tests ready for a January IVF cycle but things still aren't finalized. So we'll see how this all plays out over the next couple months.

In the 2ww

Well I never made it to my ultrasound appointment on Friday. I had been taking OPK's this week and I took two on Thursday, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. The afternoon OPK turned up positive (I use the digital ones) so I called up the nurse. She scheduled me for my IUI at 1:30 on Friday. I was a bit nervous about the procedure because the last time was so incredibly painful for me. This time, however, I didn't feel a thing! It was just like getting a regular exam. I did start to get some cramps a few hours later though, so I've just been lying on the couch this weekend and taking it easy. I'm going to try and not think about it for the next two weeks. I have so many things to look forward to. I'm getting my hair done in a week (going from blond to brunette again), I'm going whale watching in two weeks and I'm going to NC in three weeks to visit my friends and my new nephew. That's more than enough to keep a girl busy!

How Fickle is Woman

Over the weekend I had come to accept my decision to pass on this cycle and collect my wits. However Monday afternoon changed all of that. I had gone to the bathroom to discover the egg-white cervical mucus (EWCM) that precedes ovulation. I hardly ever get it but when I saw it I started crying. I knew that I didn't want to waste a perfectly good cycle so I immediately called up the nurse at Madigan. She was kind enough to squeeze me in for a follicle scan the next day. And there it was....one follicle on my left ovary at 16mm. I knew it would be there, I even knew it would be on the left ovary. The doctor was unsure whether I had already ovulated or not so they completed some bloodwork. My progesterone and estrogen levels indicated that I had not yet ovulated, so we could still salvage this cycle. I was relieved. I have an ultrasound tomorrow and I will be taking an OPK today just to make sure I don't ovulate early. So if all goes well then I may be having an IUI over the weekend. Brandon is excited as well but they deployment is still taking its toll on us. It's hard to have such little communication. If this cycle does not work though, I will NOT start a new cycle until he returns. Clomid and deployments just don't mix!