A Rough Week

And it's only Tuesday. This has got to be one of the shittiest BFN's I've ever had to deal with. AF showed up in full force. I've always had very light periods so I expected to get a more "normal" period this time around, considering I've been having horrible menstrual cramps for the past week. It was like my body wanted AF to show up but the Endometrin was preventing that. Now that I stopped taking the meds it has been hell. I never thought I'd have to calculate how many tampons I'll need for an 8-hour workday but I find myself doing that very thing. Let's bring 4, just to be on the safe side. Yes, it's that bad. Am I thinking in the back of my mind that it could be an early miscarriage? Let's not go there.

On a different note I emailed Nurse D yesterday about.....anti depressents. Yes, I think it's time I took something. These BFN's are getting harder and harder to deal with. I find myself losing all sense of motivation. It's hard to pull my ass out of bed and go to work every day. I find myself sitting in bed each morning trying to think of an excuse to call in, staying in bed later and later until I have just a few minutes to get ready and get out the door. The fact that I absolutely hate my job doesn't help but now it's much worse. I have no motivation to go out, go to the gym, watch tv, or do anything that used to bring me any kind of joy. Not even the thought of going to Ireland makes me excited anymore. Instead I come home, read for a bit, get on the computer for a bit, taking a steaming hot bath, and I'm in bed by 7:00. I don't really want to do that anymore. Brandon was shocked that I suggested medication (apparently he forgot I took Lexa.pro for six months while I was going through my divorce) and instead suggested something else like acupuncture. That sounds reasonable and I had planned on doing acupuncture for this upcoming FET but not till April/May. At $60 a visit if I were to start now that would be an extra $600 expense. Not exactly the affordable alternative, especially since I'm not even sure it will work for depression. I haven't heard back from Nurse D so we'll see what she suggests. I don't want to take anything habit-forming and I don't want to take it while I'm doing the FET. I just want to get out of this funk....sooner rather than later.