In the end we decided that if the FET(s) didn't work then we would pursue adoption, regardless of the cost (we're budgeting for a $30,000 adoption). I kinda wanted to move right into the adoption process and go back to FET's in a few years but Brandon really wanted to use up these embryos first and if that didn't work then we'll move on to the adoption. I could see his point so I agreed...on one stipulation.
That we choose an adoption agency now, and have the paperwork filled out and ready to submit in the event the FET(s) don't work. He was disappointed at my "pessimism" but I don't call it pessimism, I call it being prepared. My arguments were:
1) FET's only have a 30% success rate (in general) so the odds aren't really in our favor, especially considering we've already been through 3 very expensive ART treatments and no baby.
2) If we're going to incur any costs at the beginning of adoption, I want to pay those costs in 2011 while we can still get it back on our taxes.
3) Our next FET cycle will be the end of June. August will be the 2-year mark for Brandon's next duty station assignment. If we end up doing adoption we'll have to get the paperwork in ASAP so we will hopefully have an adoption completed by the time we have to move again in August 2013. It's possible to do, but we would need to do all the legwork now to have the paperwork ready by this fall.
So the hunt is on for an adoption agency. I had been doing research on agencies in the New England area but Brandon and I both agreed that now it would be wiser to go with a national agency, in case we do have to move while we're still waiting to adopt (we would have the option to stay here but we really hate Connecticut and would like to move back to Washington). So now I'm starting from scratch on selecting an adoption agency and could use any recommendations. Please feel free to email me if you have any suggestions, keeping in mind that our budget is about $30K and we probably would not be able to afford any agency that is much more expensive than this. We are also only interested in domestic infant adoption.
As for the adoption tax credit, I found on multiple forums that the adoption tax credit is technically extended through 2012, though it's only refundable in 2011. That means if you incur $13,170 in adoption costs in 2011, you get that $13,170 back. But if you incur those costs in 2012, then you can only reduce your taxable income by that amount (and the amount is reduced to $12,170). If you're in the 15% tax bracket and reduce your taxable income by $12,170, that only amounts to an extra $1,800 or so on your tax refund. A drop in the bucket compared to the total cost of adoption but I suppose it's better than nothing. The actual wording on the bill wasn't clear about the 2012 extension but it seems that everyone agrees that you can write it off and get up to $5,000 back for adoption expenses.
I'm curious to see if this change will have an effect on the number of people who choose adoption, or if it will affect how much agencies continue to charge for adoptions. I think losing a $10,000 refund for adoption would be a hinderance for many middle-class families who wish to adopt. That's about 1/3 of the cost of the adoption itself. I guess we'll see.
We had a VERY hard time finding a nationwide domestic agency, a lot of the interanational ones are. I actually asked our adoption case worker what would happen (besides them having to put me in a mental institution) if we didn't have a baby by the time we moved, and got transfered somewhere what would happen. They said we could still stay in the program, but we would have to travel back to MO for the placemnet (if that's where the baby was born, they also work in MN an KY), and do the court stuff out here, and then we could find a 'partner' agency that would do our post placement visits (and would have updated our home study after we moved). The tax credit should be $13,170, not $12k. We just turned in our taxes for 2010, and we were able to use that credit for our failed adoption, and will get all $7900 back. That included the application fees, the background checks/fingerprints, home study, and down payment, and then the specific things for our birthmom (her extra expenses, flowers, meals with her.)
ReplyDeleteTrue, it's $13,170 this year and it's refundable but next year it drops to $12,170 and is non-refundable. I edited my post to show that info. As for the moving part, I was always afraid I would have to switch agencies altogether if we moved, which is why we'd like to choose a national agency. Perhaps we could just find one that works in CT as well as WA
ReplyDeleteI did read to that the 2012 isn't in stone and still being considered. I have been thinking about writing to my congressman to help the cause. Also, look into your state. I live in NC and they offer their own tax breaks on top of the federal.
ReplyDeleteIf the bill stands, I can see adoption rates decreasing significantly because of the costs. It breaks my heart because that means more children without (good) homes :(
Ah girl, one of the fun parts of being part of a military family. Keep looking for the right agency. You'll find one.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through LCFA. I’m so sorry for your loss and sad to read about your difficult infertility journey. I wanted to reach you to you for a few reasons. But first, let me say that I hope beyond all hope that this “backup plan” is unnecessary and your FET is a success. I have lots of friends with FET children - happy and healthy. It can happen.
ReplyDeleteRe: Adoption, I will say that in my adoption research, I found a few agencies or attorneys who work and advertise nationally. The costs seem to range from about $25K - $45K. I think your choice may be impacted by the type of adoption you are pursuing. If you want an option adoption, then the Independent Adoption Center might be a good resource. They are doing my home study. What I did was google infant adoption and see what agencies were doing the most advertising for birth mothers- after all, that is important if you are relying on them to find the match for you. I can suggest some others if you know what kind of adoption you want. If you end up moving during the process, I think you would have to have a new or at least updated home study - so I think it's something to discuss with an agency/attorney in your consult to see if they work well with military families.
Also, another option you might want to consider (if you are open to it) would be using donor eggs (with your husband’s sperm) or donor embryos (generally donated to an embryo bank after a couple is done having their own family but still has extra embryos). You could easily do a fresh donor egg cycle in Europe several times within your $30K budget. If the genetic connection isn’t important, then donor embryos is another option -and there are places here in the US or abroad to make that happen - again, you could have several tries in your $30K budget. This isn’t the right option for everyone, but one that many people don’t know is even available. If your primary cause of infertility is egg quality, then this offers a very good option that would allow you to carry and give birth to the child. Just something you might consider (if you haven’t already).
Wishing you all the best!