ICLW Welcome!!

Hello to everyone from International Comment Leaving Week! First, a few introductions.  My name is Christa and my husband's name is Brandon.  We're a military family who has been through it all when it comes to fertility treatments (2 IUI's, 2 IVF's, 3 FET's and a partridge in a pear tree), had one miscarriage, started domestic adoption, quit domestic adoption and then got a surprise match in early November.  Our daughter C was born on January 5th.  We are head over heels in love with this little girl!  I'm excited to see how this blog started out as an infertility blog and finally evolved into an open adoption parenting blog.  I do have a private adoption blog but unfortunately it's run out of spaces for readers in the past week.  It's been forever since I've participated in an ICLW so I'm really looking forward to seeing some new faces.  Please make yourself at home!

Worth the Wait

It's 6 am and my "shift" has begun. For the next 6 hours or so I'll take care of C while Brandon sleeps.  We've got a pretty good system worked out but we still both find ourselves exhausted by midday.  Then again, she's only 5 days old so hopefully soon we'll figure things out.

This whole adoption experience has been wonderful for us.  Our social workers have been responsive and supportive and our relationship with our birthmom could not be better.  She thoughtfully made copies of all her ultrasound pictures as well as pictures of her family.  She even wrote a letter to C for her to read when she's older.  I can't wait to add these to her adoption baby book.  C is loved by so many people.

C is doing wonderful.  She eats well, isn't too fussy and when she's alert she simply mesmerizes us.  I know this blog has been a roller coaster of emotions, of questioning whether parenthood is right for us and why the road has been so long and so hard.  I can now say beyond the shadow of a doubt that we are so grateful that we chose to continue down this path.  I'm sure I would have been happy traveling the world without children but that's only because I would have been oblivious to how much joy a child can bring.  I say I love Brandon with all my heart and I do but that seems to pale in comparison to how much I love my little girl.  I love her with all my being.  One thing that frustrated me during our wait was when people would say "Keep your chin up, it's all worth it in the end."  Well of course, it's easy for them to say because they have their baby in their arms!  But if I were to give anyone advice who's waiting to be a parent, whether it's through fertility treatments or surrogacy or adoption, I would say the exact same thing.  Because it really is.  It's hard to explain but I feel like all those years of trying, those years of waiting, simply disappeared when I first met C.  Of course they didn't cease to exist but now it just feels like...a past life.  That's exactly how it feels.  When I think of my years of trying and of traveling, it feels like I'm remembering a past life.  Not a lesser life but a different one.  And now that C's here I feel excited about this new life that we'll all have together as a family.  It won't involve trips around the world or impulsive weekend getaways and shopping trips but instead will involve lots of snuggle time, learning and cherishing the little things in life.  And everything I've been through to get to this point has been worth it. 

Still No Baby

She appears to be very stubborn. Update on the private blog. 

Fun with Google Analytics Part Three

It's been over a year since I've done a post about Google Analytics and since I need a distraction I figured today would be a good day to have one. So let's have a laugh, shall we?

"infertile women and their grudge on pregnant women"  If you have to Google this then it tells me that you're probably the pregnant woman who was a bit insensitive to your infertile friend who probably didn't react "appropriately" (or what you think it appropriate) to your joyous pregnancy.  Not all women cry with joy when hearing a pregnancy announcement.  It is what it is.

"constipation after IVF egg retrieval"  You won't believe how many people find my blog by Googling IVF, enema, constipation, or things along those lines.  Yes, IVF will make you constipated.  No, mag citrate and stool softeners didn't work for me.  Yes, I sought relief with an enema, and if you're Googling this stuff then you probably will too.  Maybe you'll even blog about it like I did.  Who knows.

"infertile and miserable" and "6 years of infertility is miserable" I have yet to have someone Google "infertile and happy" so it's safe to say that pretty much every woman that's infertile is also just a teensy bit miserable too.

"how do you pronounce ballynahinch"  I've been getting quite a few Googles on this.  Ballynahinch was the castle we stayed at in Ireland and it's pronounced just as it's spelled, only you sort of say it fast and run all the syllables together.  Bally-NA-hinch.  Now faster.  No, faster than that.  Okay you've got it.

"blew my nose hard after egg transfer"  And this is Google-worthy because....?

"conjunction junction what's your function taking in sperm and spitting out babies"  Ahh, this search brings back wonderful memories of a 2010 post about School House Rock and Brandon's humorously incorrect version of the Conjunction Junction lesson.  

"estrace pill up the hoo ha"  Why yes, that's where the pill goes.  Up your hoo ha.  Good for you for figuring that out...and Googling it too.

"i took an hcg shot an ive been dr.inking sm.oking we.ed an doing powd.er will tha affect my chances of getting pregnant"  I put those period marks in the sentence so people wouldn't actually find my blog by searching this but it's a little appalling that women are TRYING to get pregnant while doing this crap.  Just boggles my mind.

"if i was in harry potter i would engorgio my boobs"  And my life is fuller (no pun intended) knowing that you would do that.  

"maid mixing urine in food of the family she works for espanol"  WTF?!?!  Did this actually happen??  And how did my blog show up in the Google search results?  Interesting.  

"where the fuck is my adoption tax credit"  Honey, I don't know where your adoption tax credit is but I'm pretty sure Google isn't going to find it for you. 

"wtf i'm lactating"  WTF indeed. 

No Baby Yet

That is all.

One Day More!

Kudos to the person who recognizes the movie reference I made in my post title. Anyway, tomorrow is Baby Girl's due date and she appears to be content staying put. We heard from M' social worker yesterday and she said that M is more than ready to have this baby but she's not in labor yet.  So we wait some more.  In the meantime, there's a post up on the private blog for you to read.  Brandon and I are trying to stay busy but it gets harder by the day.  We've been to the movies and out to eat twice in the past few weeks and you can only go shopping so many times before your wallet protests.  So I think we're going to spend the next few days going crazy at home.  I seriously hope this baby comes soon!

Updates

I suppose I should provide an update of sorts but the truth is that nothing much is happening.  We've got 15 days till Baby Girl's due date and according to our birthmom's last appointment it appears she's content staying put.  Baby Girl is measuring right on target, healthy as a horse.  Nothing out of the ordinary about this pregnancy.

But I've been feeling a little poopie lately.  I've got this dull constant ache near my right ovary that's been going on for almost a month (so no, it's not ovulation).  I'm thinking it could be a cyst from my PCOS flaring up but sometimes the pain moves to the middle or the left of my abdomen so I can't be sure.  It's annoying but not something I think the doctors would do anything about. Right now I'm just playing the wait-and-see approach.

I'm starting to get a little nervous about placement.  There's a 60 day window in which the birthparents could change their mind after placement.  After placement, which would occur at the hospital when Baby Girl is discharged, there will be a hearing scheduled within 30 days to terminate parental rights.  During the 30 day window before the hearing the birth parents can change their mind for any reason whatsoever.  After the hearing they'll then have another 30 days to appeal it though at that point it becomes much harder to regain custody.  They would have to prove they signed under duress or that their situations change dramatically enough to warrant the ability to parent.  Still, I'm putting our full faith in our birthmom's unwavering decision to place Baby Girl for adoption.  I know it will be hard and my heart breaks for her but Brandon and I called the social worker today and let her know that whatever our birthmom needs afterward to help her through this time, we're willing to do it.  If she wants to call or visit or even just email back and forth we're okay with that.  If she wants distance then our feelings won't be hurt and we'll give her the space she needs.  As the days tick closer to Baby Girl's due date I find myself thinking more and more about our birthmom and what she must be going through.  Because despite the happiness that will come from adoption there will also be loss, for all parties involved but mostly for the birth parents.  I can only hope that their hearts will heal and they will be able to achieve the dreams that they're looking forward to accomplishing.

Still Here. Still Waiting

Last week we were told it could be "any day now".  But there's no baby yet.  I'm starting to get the feeling that doctors just say that to send you into a tailspin and panic about all the stuff that hasn't been completed around the house.

I'm trying not to worry.  I'm trying not to be impatient when I don't hear anything.  But it's really really hard.

Private Blog

There's a couple of new posts up on the private blog!

www.fearlesslyinfertile.blogspot.com

Prayers Please

My dear friend from high school, Lindsay, and her family were in the process of adopting a boy from Eastern Europe.  However on Sunday their beautiful baby boy succumbed to his medical conditions and passed away.  My heart is breaking for her and I cannot imagine the pain she must be going through.  Please stop by her blog and offer some words of encouragement.

 Psalm 34:18- The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and those who are crushed in spirit.