Weight Loss Update Week Two: Frustrations

Although last week was a bummer with my first gain, I expected this week to be much better as I work up my endurance and am able to stay at the gym for longer periods of time. No such luck. This morning I weighed in at 196.6 pounds. WHAT.THE.FUCK. I know I'm not dieting for every meal as I'm trying to also live on the remaining food in the house but seriously?! I've busted my ass at the gym three times this week, staying for an hour each time and I still gained weight? I'm feeling pretty pissed off right now. What's the point in eating bland diet food if nothing is going to change?? My only consolation is that my clothes are fitting a little better and I don't look so bloated in the stomach. But I'm certainly not seeing results on the scale. Brandon says I'm just trading muscle for fat which explains the weight gain but I don't care. Two gains in a row is enough. I better lose some damn weight next week.

Getting Antsy and other Random Thoughts

4 more days. 4 more long agonizing days until I had planned on going in for my additional blood tests. Then a few more weeks until I find out if I have any genetic, immune or clotting disorders that could possibly be the cause of my last miscarriage. I was told to wait 6-8 weeks before going in for this testing. Thursday will mark 7 weeks. I'm thinking about going in tomorrow just because I don't want to wait anymore. The lab tech even said I could get a printout of the tests they are doing, which I'm especially antsy about getting so I can Google it. I feel like I've waited so long already, two days shouldn't skew the results, right? After all, I'm already past the 6 week mark. 6 weeks since I lost my baby and it feels like forever ago.

We're moving on May 7th. Our movers are arriving to pack us up early next week. Then we'll spend a day cleaning up our empty home before checking out. We're heading to Salt Lake City to visit Brandon's family, then shooting through extremely boring states like Wyoming, Nebraska, and Iowa (sorry to all those who live in those states) and then stopping in Pennsylvania for a couple days to see my family before heading northeast to Connecticut. We found an apartment online, paid the deposit and we're keeping our fingers crossed that it's not in the ghetto. We check in on the 21st, though I hope to have internet access in our hotel rooms along the way.

I contacted the Bed-e-byes company about shipping costs for my new baby bedding and they will ship to me FREE OF CHARGE! How awesome is that? They said it would arrive in 7-10 days, sooner if it doesn't have to go through customs. So unfortunately I'll have to wait until we get to Connecticut to order it. I don't want my precious bedding in limbo somewhere and we won't get it here in time to take it with us.

I've noticed I have quite a few new followers so I just want to say welcome and I hope you enjoy my blog thus far :) Sorry it's not too infertility related at the moment as I'm taking an unwanted break but hopefully I'll be seeing some action soon.

And finally, to humor up my post from my depressing first random thought, I have a story to share. Gather round now cause it's funny as hell, especially for Spanish speakers. Brandon and I were at the dog park a few weeks ago and there was a woman there in her late 20's with two pit bulls. She was talking about how one of her dogs had just been neutered two days before and she mentioned that he had big "cajones" but she pronounced the word wrong. Another older woman corrected her pronunciation and the younger woman replied "Whatever! I'm not HAWAIIAN." Brandon and I almost peed our pants. Then she heard us call Oso's name (it's Spanish for bear, for those who don't know) and she said to us "Oh, your dog's name is Oso? My friend had a dog named Oso....for OH SO CUTE!" I should have replied "Well our dog's name is Hawaiian" but instead I just smiled. Brandon later said he was glad I didn't say that because if I did he would have really peed his pants! We had a good laugh about it for the rest of the day.

Stupid people can be so entertaining sometimes.

My first baby purchase

Before you go freaking out, NO, I'm not pregnant. Furthermore, I've always held the belief that you should never buy anything for a baby you're not yet carrying. It's bad juju. Well, my friends, last week changed all that. I was reading Sonja's blog about her preparation for her arriving quadruplets and she mentioned that she found a hedgehog mobile. I love hedgehogs. I had one in college. His name was Brillo and was the funniest little animal. Not too fun to play with as they're spiky and nocturnal so every time I put him in his ball to roll around the room he would just poop and then fall asleep. But he was still entertaining and I miss him dearly.

So when Sonja mentioned her hedgehog mobile I immediately began searching for it online. I found it here but unfortunately they had no bedding to go with it. So I started my search again. And then I found it. The absolute most perfect nursery bedding and accessories one could hope for. It's called Spike and Buzz and its made by a UK company called Bed-e-byes. I instantly fell in love and told Brandon that I had to purchase it (once we moved to Connecticut of course). He agreed that it was cute and didn't mind that I'm about to spend roughly $350 on a baby we have yet to conceive. But it's totally worth it. I'm going to buy the Room in a Box which comes with all the accessories. What's even better is that it's gender neutral! I've never been so excited to purchase something in all my life.

So there you have it. I have probably just jinxed myself for eternity but who cares. I'm going to have a baby, damnit, and that baby is going to sleep amongst hedgehogs and bumblebees. I wouldn't accept anything less for my little munchkin.

Weight Loss Update Week One: Reality Check

Anyone who watches The Biggest Loser can tell you that the first week of weight loss you lose a ton of weight and then the second week you get nothing. Sometimes you even gain weight. Well not for me. This week I came to a very quick realization: I'm hella fat. And because I'm fat I can't just go cutting out 1,000 calories a day (without feeling like I'm dying) or trying to do the same exercise routine I did 6 months ago (again, without feeling like I'm dying). This week was rough for me but I think it's starting to get a little better.

Today's weigh-in: 195.8 pounds. That's right, I gained .2 pounds.

We never made it to the Mariners game but we hope to go again even though we wasted $120 on tickets for a game we never went to. But we did go out to eat that Saturday and Sunday. Our friends treated us to lunch as a good-bye gift. By Sunday I was up THREE POUNDS. I knew this week was shot but I still chugged along, hoping I could lose the three pounds and at least break even. I exercised three times and it was a rough start. The first two times I could barely last 10 minutes on the elliptical trainer and I felt like my heart would explode out of my chest. I only stayed about 30 minutes at the gym. By the third trip I was doing much better. I reduced my resistance on the machine and was able to do 30 minutes. This week I plan to go to the gym 5 times now that I'm getting back into the swing of things.

The whole low carb/low dairy thing has been hard for me, especially at snack time. I usually eat 400-calorie meals with two 100-calorie snacks. Most of my snacks either contain carbs or dairy (rice cakes, granola bars, string cheese, yogurt, etc). I did find the low-carb tortillas (thanks Carrie!) which I've replaced for bread but I still need to find some low-carb granola bars or something. My snacks now consist of mostly fruit, baby carrots, celery and peanut butter, and rice crackers with hummus. I'm a pretty picky eater so dieting is hard for me. I also have extremely weird eating habits (my food can't touch each other, it's really bad and is a whole other blog post that I'll eventually write about).

Dinner is getting to be hard too. I used to eat fat free refried beans or soups but those both contain a ton of carbs so I've been avoiding them. Now I'm reduced to eating meat and veggies. Breakfast is easy, I usually eat eggs, whey protein shakes, fruit, etc. Lunch is my new tortilla wrap with fruit (I eat alot of fruit).

I think I might switch my dieting technique to closely match the Atkins diet. That way I have a guideline of what I can and can't eat. So hopefully next week I will have made some progress. I'm still feeling optimistic but I just need to be more consistent with my diet and exercise routine. Once I lose my first 10 pounds I am getting a new pair of running shoes so I need to start seeing results!!

Let the Weight Loss Begin!

It's Friday, Day 1 of my new weight loss quest. I'm feeling good about today, ready to hit the gym and burn off all this fat that's been clinging to my body for so many years. Unfortunately I completely forgot that tomorrow we're going to see the Mariners play the Detroit Tigers so I might skip the dieting tomorrow in exchange for some good ol' baseball stadium food. Its wrong of me, I know, but this is only the second professional sports game I've EVER been to. I'm going to take advantage of it. And it will also be our last outing in the Seattle area before we move.

Anyway, back to the weight loss. I'm starting out my quest at 195.6 lbs. My goal weight is 175 lbs by July 30th and 165 lbs by my IVF cycle in September. After that we'll see what happens based on the outcome of the IVF. My plan is to stick to a low calorie diet, starting out at 1,400 calories and eventually getting down to 1,200 calories. For roughly every 10 pounds you lose you should consume about 50 less calories per day. This is because you're not having to support that extra weight. So once I lose 10 pounds I will reduce my calorie intake to 1,350 and so on. When I'm done trying to lose weight then I'll increase my calories to maintain that current weight. I'm also taking the advice of some of my followers and cutting back on the carbs and dairy products. While I can't completely cut a food group out of my diet I can be more wise about what kind of carbs I do eat. This will be hard because I'm a major bread lover but I'll try to get all my carbs through fruit and whole grains.

I'm also going to start taking some vitamin supplements. Most of these I've taken before but only for a month at a time and it wasn't really consistent. This time I'll take them for the full 6 months leading up to our next IVF. They are:
Prenatal Vitamin
Metformin XR
Wheatgrass
Spirulina
Cinnamon (my nurse's suggestion to help with the male hormones)

My exercise plan is to work out 3-5 times per week. My normal routine consists of 10 minutes of cardio warm-up, about half an hour on the weight machines, and then about half an hour of cardio. My problem is that I usually do the same cardio every time (treadmill for the warm-up and elliptical for the cardio). So I'll need to start changing that up and doing the stair steppers and bikes every now and then.

I'm also very excited that I have some bloggie friends who are also trying to lose weight! Lynne just signed up for the Glycemic Index diet and Melissa is following a low carb diet so I can't wait to see how those turn out. I've also heard from other readers who have changed their dieting and got pregnant naturally so I'm very hopeful.

I'm taking a "Before" picture of myself tomorrow but won't post that until I have an "After" picture to compare it against. I don't want to scare anybody away! I'm thinking 4 weeks ought to be enough time to start seeing some results. So I'll probably post pictures every month. Wish me luck!!

My new "project"

It's only been 4 1/2 weeks since my D&C but somehow it feels like forever ago. I find it harder and harder to remember what it felt like to be pregnant, maybe because I was only barely pregnant to begin with. 2 1/2 more weeks before I can take my genetic testing. I'm going to request a printout of the tests they are going to give me because I have a very VERY strong suspicion that I have thrombophilia. Not because I have to have an explanation for my miscarriage or because I've read articles like this one but because I honestly think that the symptoms fit my situation. So we'll see in about a month whether my Dr. Google diagnosis was correct. (For the record, no one in my family has thrombophilia. I'm attributing my self-diagnosis to the fact that I have PCOS and high androgen levels. And the fact that I passed clots all through my short pregnancy seems like a tell-tale sign.)

With all this waiting for test results and our next cycle I'm starting to get a little antsy. If we choose to go through another fresh IVF cycle I want to try and get better quality eggs and hopefully have more than 4 embryos at day 3. In order to do that I need to lose some weight. Okay, not some, alot, but let's start with some. I had been telling myself I would start the weight loss 2 weeks after the D&C but that obviously never happened. I continued to eat crappy food and lay around the house. Actually the main reason was because for the past two weeks I've worked about 25 hours of overtime at work but that's still no excuse. So this FRIDAY will be my weight-loss start date. I will also be eating healthier but that will be hard to accomplish during our Great Move Across America trip.

I weighed myself this morning, although this weight will not be my starting weight. I'll count Friday's weight as my starting weight. But today the scale was cracking under the weight of my 195.5 lb self. I have set my short-term goal weight at 175 lbs. I hope to achieve this goal before our next cycle, whether it's a FET or IVF. That is about 5-6 months away so I have plenty of time. I will update my blog every Friday with the week's results so I can at least be held accountable somewhere. My husband, while very supportive of my desire to lose weight, is also supportive in every other aspect of my life as well. So if I'm feeling too tired or depressed to exercise then he'll suggest we just lay on the couch and snuggle that night. For this project, however, I'll need more of a drill instructor husband. Since Brandon is obviously too nice for that I will have to turn to my bloggie friends to keep my ass in gear, especially on the days where I'm craving coffee ice cream or feeling too lazy to go exercise when its raining outside. If anyone would like to join me in my Weight Loss Quest, let me know and we post our updates together! I look forward to this and hope that it will help me get out of my funk and feeling more optimistic.

My days are not getting easier

My days at work seem to be getting worse and worse. My pregnant co-worker is starting to show and it hurts every time I look at her. I'm reminded about my failed pregnancy and her "oops" pregnancy, the pregnancy I always wanted and the one she never wanted. Well it doesn't stop there. This past week The New Guy showed up. He'll be my replacement and I'll be training him for 2-3 weeks. Well it turns out that New Guy has a pregnant girlfriend. 7 1/2 months pregnant. When he first told me the news I thought "Oh God, please just don't talk about her all the time and I can get through this." Well today he shared with me his baby mama drama. He's thinking about breaking up with his girlfriend due to some jealousy issues. I asked what would happen with the baby and he shrugged his shoulders and said "The same that happened with me...joint custody." Great. That's EXACTLY what I needed to hear, someone who obviously didn't think about the long term situation before getting a girl knocked up. I smiled and tried to change the subject but I'm afraid that one of these days I'll end up snapping and saying "Well I just spent $10,000 trying to have a kid only to lose it so I really don't feel like hearing about your unwanted pregnancy." I hate how infertility makes me bitter but then again, why should I always put a smile on my face when really all I want to do is cry?

Miscellaneous Updates

My life has been fairly boring recently (thank God) but I do have a few updates I'd like to share.

When I wrote about my new money-making schemes I had promised to update everybody on how it went. For the InfoLinks I had 29 clicks within 14 days and made $3.24 from that. For Associated Content I wrote 4 articles and received $9.12, plus I'm continuing to make money for every 1,000 article views. Not bad for just a few minutes of work, we'll see if April brings in more money.

About the sperm storage issue, it turns out the husband misunderstood the paper he signed (go figure). He went in this past weekend to sign a release form or whatever so they can destroy his crappy sperm and they only charged us $175 instead of $350. I wasn't too happy about paying but it was better than the full amount.

It looks like we'll be moving out of WA around May 6th and I haven't packed a thing. I heard the military movers will pack everything for us but I still want to get my clothes and family valuables packed up in my car. They can pack the rest. We need to apply for an apartment, schedule a day for the movers to come and give our notice to our current housing. Lots to do in so little time but that's what we get for procrastinating!

Register to Win One of 4 Free IVF Cycles!

The CNY Fertility Center in New York is giving away 4 free IVF cycles to celebrate National Infertility Awareness Week. Registrations will be accepted until May 2nd and you do not have to be a current patient. IVF cycles do not include medications. Spread the word!