Random Thoughts and Musings

I feel like such a freaking loser. Aside from one neighbor who we occasionally hang out with (but not often because her husband is an officer and Brandon isn't supposed to fraternize with him), I haven't made any friends since moving to Connecticut. I remember when I moved from North Carolina to Washington the first friends I made were the wives of Brandon's co-workers. Then when I got a job I made some more friends, though most were older than me and we didn't have too much in common. But that was okay because we would still go out to lunch together and do other things outside of work, it's just that we never went whitewater rafting together or anything crazy like that. Now that we've moved here I haven't met anybody. Brandon hasn't made any friends at work so I haven't gotten to meet any Navy wives in the area. I asked him to find out who my new ombudsman is so I can at least start going to the spouse get-togethers (that's how desperate I am) but he said that I don't have an ombudsman for shore duty billets. WTF?! How do I meet people then? I haven't gotten a job and it's all getting very depressing for me. I hate not working and not having anyone to talk to. I tried keeping in touch with my old friends in Washington but with the exception of a few people, everyone I was friends with seemed to forget I ever existed. I post comments on their Facebook status and they don't respond. I don't get text messages or phone calls from them, it's like I've fallen off the face of the earth. What gives? It's sad that the thing I'm looking forward to the most about this upcoming IVF is getting to interact with the other ladies cycling with me. I don't even care about trying to get pregnant anymore, I just want someone to hang out with! Maybe we'll even go out to lunch or something. Now you see why I feel like a loser?

I finally started my period Saturday which means I start birth control pills today. I just hope I'll be on them long enough. I think Nurse D said we're supposed to use them for at least two weeks before starting the meds. The problem is that I DON'T HAVE MY CALENDAR OR PROTOCOL so I don't know when I'll be stopping the bcp's and starting Lupron. I'm supposed to start my meds around the 9th or 10th. My baseline ultrasound is scheduled for Monday the 30th. Other than that, I'm just taking it one day at a time, hoping someone will let me know what the hell is going on.

Brandon used to read my blog religiously. Every time I would check my mail and read my comments, he would know there was a new blog post and go read it right away. The problem was that he would always say stuff to me about it like "Those weren't my exact words!" and "You never told me you felt like that!". It got tiring so I banned him from reading my blog. Well last night he confessed that his feelings were hurt that he couldn't read my blog anymore. I told him that it's okay to read what I write but what I write isn't up for discussion. It's meant to be a journal entry, not a conversation starter. So I have a question for you ladies: does your husband read your blog and talk to you about it? Do you feel like you have to censor yourself, knowing that your family/husband will eventually read what you write? I guess I just feel better knowing I can write what I want and only my blog buddies will comment. Honestly, if I started getting phone calls from my mom or grandmother about my blog posts, I would probably make my blog private. But that's just me.

I've decided that I'm going to go back to school. I went to see a school advisor (my neighbor, haha) at the local community college. She evaluated my old transcripts and it looks like I'm 10-12 classes away from an Associates Degree in Finance & Banking. I chose that degree over Business Admin because I think I would be happier in a finance job than a business job, though I'd have less classes to take if I chose the BA degree. I might even be able to get degrees in both fields if I sign up for a few more classes. I'm still debating. It looks like the total cost will be about $5,000 with books, which is almost all the money we had set aside for domestic adoption (if we ever decided to adopt after this IVF). But I'm hoping this degree will lead to a good job and then we'll be able to afford adoption again, later down the road. But I'm really looking forward to school because that might give me the chance to meet new people and (hopefully!) make new friends. I plan to graduate by the end of next year but a pregnancy could delay that considerably.

Other than that, not much is new in my life. It's pretty damn boring out here so if anyone is passing through Connecticut, you can always hit me up for a lunch date! I'd love to meet my bloggie friends!