Around the World Update

I thought I've give some extra clarification to my last post. Because this is such a huge trip it's going to have to be planned well in advance (obviously).  So I figured we'd work it like we work every trip, by starting out with a flexible budget, picking out the things we want to do, and then firming up the actual cost as we're finalizing the itinerary.

So for now we're thinking this trip may cost $25-30K, based on the fact that all our plane travel will be one-way and the distance of flights will be fairly short from destination to destination.  Of course, as time goes on we could totally blow that budget out of the water.  Who knows.  The African safari alone is ~$8,000 but that was with round-trip flight.  Hotels in Switzerland can easily run $300 a night.  I'll have to do more calculations to get a more accurate figure.  But we're willing to spend up to $50K on this trip, assuming I work-full time with decent wages.

For now we've got a rough draft of our journey.  The next step will be to research things we want to do in those countries.  I probably didn't explain it well in my last post but we're not planning to see all of a country in 3 or 4 short days.  Instead we'll pick a section of the country we want to visit and focus only on sightseeing in that area, which means choosing between Tuscany or Rome, Bavaria or Berlin.  It's very different from our regular adventures where we select one country and experience everything.  But I think we can adapt. 

If there's a country on the list that I start researching and can't find anything I absolutely must do, then it gets replaced with another runner-up.  Like Prague.  A friend's high school daughter went to Prague and she loved it so it made the list, though I have absolutely no idea whether I or Brandon would enjoy anything about Prague.  We'll have to wait and see when we go to research that city. 

I should probably point out that we're officially done with adoption for the next 2-3 years.  Our homestudy is expired and our agency is no longer showing us to birthparents.  So that just freed up $26K for us to pay off bills and afterwards we'll go back to saving up.  We may revisit adoption but right now I feel no need to pursue parenthood of any kind.  I'm happy with the way my life is right now and that's all that matters.  Maybe I'll change my mind in a couple years, when we're ready to adopt again.  If not, then my answer will be clear: parenthood is not meant for me.  This quote strikes at my heart during this point in my life:  "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." -- Joseph Campbell

Aside from this big, big, big trip I'm also planning next year's annual international trip.  I'm not sure if I mentioned this or not, it's been in the works for a couple months now.  Brandon and I are taking my mom to England and Scotland in mid-May.  It will be all her Mother's Day presents for the rest of her life rolled up into one.  We're not paying for everything for her but we're footing the bill for the hotel in London and the rental car and gas.  And we'll be her company and guide because I know she would never travel somewhere by herself.  Neither would I, really.  So here's our plan for that:

2 nights in London
1 night in Dover
2 nights in the Cotswolds (English countryside)
2 nights in the Lake District near Hadrain's Wall
2 nights in Scotland, between Edinburgh and Glasgow
Last night in London

And then perhaps in 2014/2015, depending on Brandon's deployment schedule, I'd like to take a trip into the Yukon to see the Northern Lights.  Well, at least I know that's on Brandon's bucket list.  That trip is really more for him than me, but I suppose I can find something appealing about spending hours outside in the snow staring up at the sky.  Or maybe I can just have Brandon do the waiting and then call me when the lights come out and I can hop out of the nice warm bed to go see them :)

Someone told me once that I make plans way too far in advance.  I wonder if that's a bad thing....

Around the World in 80 Days

I'm starting to plan Brandon's college graduation gift. He gets out of the military in 2014, by which time he should have enough college credits earned that he only needs about 2 more years of full-time college left. So we're assuming this trip will take place in 2018.

We're taking a trip around the world.  At first I thought 12 weeks would be good.  Then when I was calculating how many days that would be (84) I decided, why not make this a cool theme?  So Around the World in 80 Days it became.


So here’s my tentative plan for the Trip Around the World.  The number in parentheses is the number of days we plan to spend in each country, though that also includes travel time between destinations.

This itinerary is based on our trip starting and ending in WA and the countries are in order based on flying east around the world.  Some destinations will be spent relaxing in luxury (French Polynesia), others will be adventurous (Costa Rica).  Sometimes we’ll stay in big cities (Paris), others we’ll only travel the countryside (Belgium).  I want to do something unique to each area so we get the best experience.  We don't plan on renting a car except maybe in England or Australia, everywhere else will be spent using public transportation.  All of Europe will be spent traveling via train.  For places that only have a few days earmarked like England and Germany, it’s because we’ll probably have already visited that area by the time we make this trip in 2018.  So there’s no need to spend a full week in that country again, just enough time to visit some places we didn’t get to visit the first time around.  But if it turns out that we don’t get to visit those places on a separate trip then I’ll change the days around so we can have more time to spend in those countries.

I'm thinking about maybe adding another country to this list, most likely Indonesia or Ecuador (Galapagos Islands).  I would shave off 2 days each from Australia and New Zealand and maybe a day off Moscow to make up for it.

Comments and suggestions are welcome considering Brandon has absolutely no opinion, he just wants me to tell him when he needs to get on a plane.  Typical.  Please note that we'll be taking this trip in the spring or fall to allow for the best weather possible between the two hemispheres. And yes, I am dead serious about taking this trip.

Costa Rica (6)
England (4)
France (4)
Belgium (4)
Germany (3)
Switzerland (4)
Italy (4)
Austria (3)
Czech Republic, just Prague (3)
Romania (3)
Russia, just Moscow (5)
Kenya/Tanzania African safari (10)
Japan (8)
Australia (7)
New Zealand (7)
French Polynesia (5)

Total: 80 days!

Shutting Down?

Over the past few months I've started becoming concerned about privacy, particularly my own and how it affects other aspects of my life (like work). I don't know what triggered it. Maybe it was the Layoff, maybe it's the fact that I really don't have much to write about anymore.  Or maybe it's the fact that when I google my name or email address there's just way too many pages listed.  And it creeps me out.  But lately I've started deleting old FB posts, reviewing my privacy settings on all my social networking accounts, and trimming down my friend lists. But I'm not quite sure what to do about this space.

This blog is by far the most public space I own. I'm on it frequently and while I don't always comment on others' posts, I do read a lot of blogs. I would hate to shut this space down. I've thought about making it private or simply just going through the past 500 posts and deleting ones I don't want to make public anymore (or just turn them into a draft so I can still have them to read through).

To be honest, I don't really go back and read old posts anymore. I don't reminisce about our short pregnancy or look at pictures posted. There aren't really many posts on here that I can look back with fondness. This space is chock full of heartache and I really don't care to relive any of that. So I mostly keep this space open for readers Googling for advice and first-hand accounts of IVF cycles like I myself did on many occasions.

So right now I'm really struggling with what to do. I'd appreciate any input and whether anyone else has gone through this issue and what you chose to do about it.

Pausing

I know this post may seem like a complete 180 compared to my last post but Brandon and I have decided to...pause. We cancelled our homestudy appointment and we're not sure if we're going to reschedule it anytime soon. In the past week I did call Nurse D up, explained the situation, and she emailed me some bloodwork and tests I need to get done.  I was more or less curious to see what the results would be.  Would things look good?  Better than the last cycles?  Would it look promising enough to try again? 

But then I started thinking about money.  If we chose IVF we would be closing the door to adoption.  If we chose adoption we would need to shell out another $700 in the next week to update our homestudy.

And then shit just started to go downhill from there.

I felt panicky.  The anxiety welling up inside me was almost too much to bear.  I felt nauseous all the time (I still do actually) and I was actually dreading our homestudy appointment instead of looking forward to it.  And what's weird is that none of these feelings have any merit.  On paper it appears we can afford our homestudy update while still being able to pay bills AND save up for a trip to England next year.  But I still worry about money.  If it's not in my hand this very instant, I worry about it.  Maybe it's because of the mistake we made in going to Peru.  We planned a $6,000 vacation based on our future income, and that future income was sliced in half the moment we got back from that vacation.  A lesson I will not soon be forgetting.  Or maybe it's because I've known what it's like to be poor.  After separating from my first husband I worked two jobs and still had to charge my gas and groceries on a credit card because I didn't have the money to pay for them.  I never ever want to go back to living like that again.   

Remember a few months ago when we were tossing up the idea of whether to go active again with our agency or wait till Brandon got out?  It was my heart that told me to keep going, even though my head told me it would be better to wait.  Well, now that our financial situation has changed, I think our decision has too.  I don't see myself getting a job anytime soon.  I'm lucky to come across one job a week in my field that I can apply for, unless I want to commute over an hour to Hartford.  And to pay $700 for a homestudy update when we might have to put the adoption on hold in December doesn't make much sense when you're on one income and can use that $700 for something else.  Back when we had two jobs we could have easily made up for that but not anymore. 

The other day, as I was thinking about this whole situation, I realized that I almost understand what it's like to be a birth parent.  You're giving up something you want so bad, not because you want to give it up, but because you know it's best for you and your family.  And you hope that one day you'll be in a better situation so that you finally get to experience parenthood on your terms, but you still grieve the fact you're giving up this current opportunity.  It reminds me of a poem I used to read called Wait.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."


©Russell Kelfer. All rights reserved. 

Well I'll be Durned

Remember that time I got a freak period, the first one I've had in 2+ years?  And remember how, exactly 28 days later, I got another one?  Well this month I was a little curious to see if it would happen a third time.  You know, third time's the charm and all that.  Well 28 days came and went with no sign of a period.  I took a pregnancy test cause, you know, infertile women still keep those in their bathroom drawers even when they're not TTC.  Anyway, it was negative, just as I suspected.

And now today I'm spotting.  Granted, it's a full two weeks late but still.  3 periods in a row!  Kinda makes me second guess myself and whether we should go back to fertility treatments or not.  If we did, would it actually work this time?  Was something wrong with my body during all our prior treatments and somehow it's righted itself again and now it's ready to work? 

I really don't know what to make of this situation.  Maybe I should call Nurse D again.

Fearlessly Frugal Strikes Again!

I'm on a serious savings streak, ladies. Last week on our trip to the commissary I used almost $32 in coupons. I essentially bought 2 weeks worth of food for $89!! With the exception of bread and milk, which only lasts a week in this house. I was stoked. In addition to that, I called up our cable/internet company and explained our new one-income situation and the representative signed me up for a new bundle (cable/phone/internet) that gives us HBO and STARZ and a higher speed internet for $20 less per month than what we're paying now. Awesome!! Brandon and I cancelled our gym memberships, which I was a little sad to do. Brandon was originally going to cancel his membership only but their cancellation policy was such a hassle (30 days notice via written letter, certified mail) that we both decided to cancel at the same time. So we're paying for the month of August and that will be the end of it. Then this morning I called up my car insurance company, explained that I got laid off, and they readjusted my annual mileage on my vehicle which saves us another $10 a month. That's $85 a month in savings!! Of course Brandon has been wanting a new iPhone for the longest time. He's been literally counting the days till our next phone upgrade, which is today.  So if we get new phones then that will bump up our monthly phone bill by about $25 a month.  But even if we do that, we've still got a net savings of $60 a month which I'm very happy about. 

I did some number crunching and figured out that we can have our credit cards paid off by February, which leaves about 3 or 4 months to save some money for a trip to England.  We won't have everything saved up by the time we leave but we should have about half of the trip paid for which is fine with us. It will only take another 3 months or so to pay off the other half.

I used to be so diligent with my budgets, having made them out all the way to 2015.  But in the past few months I seem to have misplaced my budget papers so I need to re-do them.  But from what I can remember, we don't have to start saving for the $18,000 till August 2013.  I think that's also the month we'll have my student loans paid off.  I need to do my research on our car loan and student loan balances and recalculate my budgets again.  It really helps to give me peace of mind as well as keep me on track for the goals we want to meet. 

I'm still working on the budget recipes and meals.  I need to get better at cooking dinners and planning meals based on what we've got on hand.  But it's a work in progress and I'm sure I'll figure it out soon. 

Video Montage

I know this isn't a full post about our adventures in Peru but I thought I'd at least share with you guys a little video montage I made with the highlights of our trip. I'm not the best videographer nor even a decent video editor but I gave it a good shot and I think it turned out rather well. Click here to check it out on Yout.ube. Let me know what you think!

Yay!!!! and Boo.....

So it's been almost a year since we did our last fertility treatments. As most of you know we tried the whole domperidone/birth control routine to try and breast feed but that didn't work out either.  So it's technically only been about 3 months since I've taken medications of any kind. 

And now my body decides it's going to start acting normal.  For the first time in, well, ever. 

Over Memorial Day weekend I got a period.  The first natural period I've ever had in over 2 years.  It was a little amusing, definitely made me wonder what's going on down there.  I took a pregnancy test, it was negative of course.  So I just passed it off as a "glitch in the system" so to speak.

Well imagine my surprise when I saw some spotting today.   Exactly 28 day after I started spotted last time.  Would you believe my friggin' luck?  I'd actually be ecstatic about this news except for the fact that we're leaving for Peru in just 3 days.  And it's not my idea of a great time, you know, having a period in the jungle.  Where there's only solar electricity, no hot water, and no A/C.  Heck, you don't even flush your toilet tissue down the toilet there, at least we didn't at all on our last trip.  We had to throw it in a wastebin nearby.  So having a period under those circumstances isn't that great.  I can only hope that it will be over and done with by the time we actually go to the jungle, which won't be till Thursday.  The first two day we'll be living in a hotel which won't be that bad.

And while we're on the subject of medical issues, I think I forgot to mention that I went to the doctor recently because I've been feeling...off.  While my grandparents were here I nearly passed out twice.  I had to sit down and eat something before I started feeling better.  But usually after lunch I feel dizzy, almost like my blood isn't pumping normally.  When I stand up and walk around I feel faint, like I could pass out at any moment.  I thought I had diabetes or something.  And my fingers and feet get puffy easily, if I'm not drinking 6+ glasses of water a day.  So the doc ran a ton of tests.  Most of the results came back normal.  No diabetes, no anemia, no wonky thyroid.  But my overall cholesterol was a tad above normal (206 when it should be under 200) and my triglycerides were through the roof (420 when it should be under 150).  I got all this info over the phone, my actual follow-up appointment is on Monday so I supposed I'll find out whether they want to put me on medication.

Funny thing is, though, with high cholesterol and high triglycerides you supposedly don't have symptoms with that.  So if that's the case then I'm still left wondering why I feel faint all the time.  Maybe I should just chalk it up to my weight and the fact that I need to get busy with my diet and exercise again.

So there you have it.  I have high cholesterol cause I'm fat (probably all tied in with PCOS) but at least now I get a regular period.  Yay.....and boo. 

6 More Days and Other Random Thoughts

In just 6 short days we'll be on a plane to Peru to spend 9 days in the Amazon rainforest. I'm beyond excited but I'm trying hard to stay calm.  I don't want to build this trip up in my head and then get disappointed if it doesn't meet my expectations.  I tend to do that on major trips.  Even though I have fun on all of them, they never quite turn out the way I had planned it all in my head.

This past weekend we got an iPad.  Well, I should say I got an iPad.  My husband is waiting till our 2-year contract is up with our cell phones and then he's going to upgrade to an iPhone so that will be his little toy.  We bought a heavy duty case for the iPad and plan to take it with us to Peru, mostly to stay connected in the jungle.  My grandmother is feverishly praying for us that we won't die on this trip so at least I can provide a little comfort by popping online every few days to let her know that we're still alive.

I got a call from our homestudy agency yesterday.  It's that time of the year again, time to update the homestudy.  We've got an appointment set for August 8th but we have to take care of our physicals before then.  So that's an upcoming $700 expenditure that we'll have.  Well worth it, though I hope we'll get matched this year so we won't have to go through it again.

Other than that, things are running pretty smoothly in our household.  I'll try to write again before I leave but if not, I promise that when I return I'll tell you all about my adventures in the jungle.  I just hope there will be plenty to tell!

Back in the Saddle

Yesterday Brandon and I went active again with our agency. We took the past couple months off so I could transition into my new job and so we could figure out whether adoption was something we really truly wanted to do. In the end we decided we definitely wanted to do adoption, it was just a matter of when. Brandon wanted to wait till he got out of the military in December 2014, when we would be living in Washington and own a house. I agree that would be a good idea and would allow us to save a ton of money and travel a lot. But that was all in my head. My heart was saying "Don't wait". So I was struggling for the past week with whether to go with my heart or my head. In the end the heart always wins. So we're active again and hoping we get matched soon. Brandon is supposed to get a new duty station next year and we're shooting for WA. If we're not matched with a birthmom by the time his orders come in (it could be as soon as December) then we're going to go with Brandon's plan and put our adoption on hold till he gets out. Sounds like a pretty good solid plan to me!