Am I...? No way

I know what you're thinking and no, I'm not pregnant. We're all out of spermsicles, we used them all for our last IUI. But this past month has felt a little strange for me. I had the sneaking suspicion that I ovulated this month. On my own. For the first time in God knows how many years. I got a random period while I was doing acupuncture back in March but it didn't feel like this. And today I woke up with sore boobs. I wonder if this means that a period is on the way. If I did ovulate this month, I'm not sure whether to be happy that I did it naturally or be a little pissed because I couldn't take advantage of the opportunity. Brandon doesn't come home for another few weeks, I can only hope that our romantic vacation to Cancun will coax another little follicle to mature so we can do some real baby-making this time. And if that doesn't happen, oh well. I'm still getting hot sex in Cancun!

My trip to North Carolina

I had a wonderful weekend visiting my friends and family in North Carolina. My first stop was to see my sister and her new baby. Blake is still in the NICU but is now up to 4 pounds and staying in an open crib. That just happened yesterday though, so when I saw him he was still in the little incubator. He's starting to fill out and doesn't look so much like an old, wrinkly man anymore. My sister is hoping that he gets to come home by Halloween. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

After a day with my sister I drove down to Jacksonville to hang out with my best friend. We had some wild and crazy times like we always do. We even had a chance to go fishing. I didn't get to see all my friends that weekend but I have plans to go visit more people in December when I go back out to NC for a few days. This is mostly business though. I have to meet the doctor at Womack, take the injection class and pick up my medication. Seeing my friends will just be icing on the cake.

Learning to breathe

This morning I worked out a budget for our upcoming IVF cycle. I calculated that the IVF would cost about $8K and the travel expenses would be an additional $3K. It was about $1,000 more than I had previously thought. It's much less than going to a civilian clinic but the whole idea still makes my head spin. I actually have a headache right now from thinking about all of it. I suppose it didn't seem real to me up until now. It's a difficult thought to process. How did I get to this point? I never ever thought that my desires to be a mother would force me to go this far. I thought a few cycles of IUI would do the trick. I can't believe that I'm now having to embark on this journey through IVF. So many women have done it before me, but yet I still feel alone in the process. Perhaps as the months go by I will get used to this way of life and won't think twice about the money or the injections or the pain of all this. I can only hope.

Let's get this show on the road

I should be thoroughly bummed that I got a BFN last month but I'm not really. I'm chugging right along, getting my tests done for the January IVF. Yesterday I went in to have some blood drawn for a variety of tests. They ended up taking TWELVE tubes!! I felt like my arm had been sucked dry. This Thursday I have to go to Madigan for a saline sonogram. I hear it's not as bad as an HSG so I'm not too worried about it. Then Thursday night I board a red-eye flight for NC. I'm going to visit my sister and her new baby and also visit a bunch of friends. I'm really looking forward to it, even though 4 days isn't nearly long enough of a vacation. But Cancun is right around the corner and I'll be spending 7 days alone with my husband. I can't wait until he comes home, deployments never get any easier. Oh, and it's our two-year anniversary today.

14dpiui

And I got a BFN. On top of that, AF came last night, lucky me. She decided to show up at the gym while I was doing a serious power workout. I don't know what happened last night but somehow my jaw felt so sore and tight like I had been clenching my teeth for an hour. That in turn made my ears hurt which made my head hurt. I almost felt like throwing up but I kept pushing through the workout. Then my back started killing me. I thought it was because I had been working out longer than I usually do so I just ignored it. Turns out it was AF just paying a visit. I will never ever work out again when my period is about to show up. As for the IF part of this, I'm getting all my tests ready for a January IVF cycle but things still aren't finalized. So we'll see how this all plays out over the next couple months.