The Diary of a Two Week Wait

Sunday June 26th- The Day Before Transfer
The fertilization clinic thawed one vial of my three embryos as I was flying down to NC. Only two made the thaw. After getting to NC I had lunch with a couple former IVF buddies and went to the pharmacy to pick up my beloved Valium. It wasn't there. Nurse D forgot to call in the prescription so she told me to come back tomorrow morning to pick it up. My boobs are already sore from the progesterone.

Monday June 27th- Transfer Day
I went to the pharmacy to pick up my Valium at 7:30 but before I went there I went into the OB/GYN clinic to check and make sure Nurse D put in the prescription. This is the waiting room that the infertiles share with the pregnant bitches (I mean women). It's obvious who the infertiles are because they're the only ones called back by Nurse D and Ms G. No pregnant ladies were in there that early, thank God, just me and a couple other people and an older couple. Then this couple comes out waving their ultrasound pictures like a victory flag. They rush over to the older couple, who are obviously their parents, and start pointing out their little baby, gushing all over it and mentioning that the past 7 years were worth the wait. Seriously? A fellow infertile doing this?? Maybe it's just my prior miscarriage experience but I wouldn't dream of bringing family members to a first ultrasound. In fact, at this point I couldn't imagine myself announcing a pregnancy before the second trimester begins. But that's just me.

After waiting an hour and a half at the pharmacy for two tiny pills I rush back to the hotel to take the first one. I have to take the second one an hour before my transfer, which had been pushed back from 3 to 5:30 as Dr P was called into surgery that day. So I took a Valium-induced nap to kill some time.

At 4:30 my friend G comes to pick me up and we head to the clinic. They had thawed three embryos, all 4-cell grade 1's. As I said, one didn't make it and the two survivors each lost a cell. By the time I got there to transfer I had a 5-cell grade 1 and a 4-cell grade 2. We shot those bad boys up there with a catheter. G came back with me and I was distracted during the whole procedure telling Dori about those Ripley's statues. I chuckled a bit during my story as I was looking at the ultrasound screen and saw my uterus jump when I did that. The catheter was already in place and the embryos were ready to be inserted so it worried me a bit that I made my uterus move at that precise moment. After that I just sort of shut up and let Dr P. do his thing. Then it was over, I rested on the table for 15 minutes before emptying my bladder and getting dressed. Then G took me back to the hotel to rest.

Only I couldn't rest because a few hours after transfer I realized Dr P. pulled out my speculum rather quickly. Then I realized they didn't check the catheter under the microscope to make sure my embies got out. Fuck. Now I've got something to worry about and I was trying to be all zen. I wish I had an extra Valium.

Tuesday June 28th- 1dp3dt
Today was supposed to be a day of relaxation but it turned into utter boredom and more worrying about the catheter issue. I was stuck in a hotel room with only 20 channels on the TV and my Blu-Ray portable DVD player had the wrong adapter so the battery died rather quickly. I went to Target and bought a pair of shorts so I could sit by the pool and read my book. I lasted 20 minutes before I started baking. NC is so bloody hot and not suitable for fat people. I've got a tiny bit of cramping on my left side, kinda where my ovary would be. I'm attributing this to gas pains, and later, an upset stomach. I've also got extreme thirst. I went to dinner with G and her family and downed three full glasses of sweet tea with my dinner. Feeling a bit nauseous but that's not a surprise because I've been feeling icky for a couple weeks now. I thought it was the Doxycycline (antibiotics) but now that I'm not taking it I don't know what it could be.

Wednesday June 29th- 2dp3dt
I'm flying home today. My cramping has moved from the left side up toward the middle, like someone is poking me really hard in my belly button. I doubt this is implantation cramping, it's much too soon. My thirst issue is subsiding, though I did have two glasses of root beer at dinner. Still have gas, WTF is up with that? I must admit though, I'm feeling quite hopeful about this cycle right now.

Thursday June 30th- 3dp3dt
Today I went back to work, though I had the night shift so I got to sleep in until 9. I still have the nausea which seems to happen after I eat. Now I just have some dull cramping in my lower back. Not sure what that means. Oh, and a stabbing pain in my left boob that lasted about a minute.

Friday July 1st- 4dp3dt
Last night I had a very real, very vivid dream that I was feeding our newborn son (with a bottle) and burping him whil Brandon watched. Not sure what that means, maybe it's because I recently saw my friend's newborn baby? Anyway, it was super vivid and my dreams aren't usually like that. The dull cramping is still there, though I did have some belly cramping today too. It kinda feels like I'm carrying something heavy in my belly/uterus, like a rock or a water balloon. It could have been gas pains or it could possibly be implantation but I haven't seen any associated spotting. I was really tired today and took a 2 hour nap when I got home from work. I would have slept longer but I got an upset stomach again. What's with the GI issues???? Maybe it's the Metformin. I swear this 2WW is just one long mindfuck.

Saturday July 2nd- 5dp3dt
The past few days have been full of possible implantation symptoms which left me dangerously optimistic and hopeful that this cycle would be "the one". But today I've felt nothing. No cramping, no sore boobs, no implantation spotting, no nothing. And that has managed to suck out all the optimism I've been feeling lately. Tomorrow I plan to pee on a stick, mostly out of curiosity. I don't anticipate seeing a second line, though I'll continue to pray for one.

Sunday July 3rd- 6dp3dt
Today was another symptom-free day. I peed on a stick this morning, it was negative of course. I just wanted to crawl back in bed and stay there all day but Brandon and I had already made plans to hang out of my friend's house for a cookout so that's where we went this afternoon. It turned out to be a lot of fun because we brought Oso to meet her new flat-coated retriever puppy. She was only 8 weeks old and still floppy and adorable. I thought I felt some cramping today but it was so sporadic and so fleeting that I'm not sure if it was real. It seemed that the moment I realized I was feeling crampy the pain went away, so it could have all been my imagination. My only consolation happened late tonight as I was getting undressed for bed. I took off my bra and noticed that my left boob was looking very veiny, which I heard could be a sign of early pregnancy. Now I have big boobs so being able to see my blue veins is pretty abnormal but perhaps that was due to the fact that we were sitting around a campfire tonight and the heat made my veins more pronounced? Who knows. I'll note the symptom and move on without dwelling on it too much.

Monday July 4th- 7dp3dt
Happy Fourth of July. Today will be spent alone because Brandon has duty and again, I have absolutely no symptoms just like yesterday and the day before. Another negative pee stick was tossed in the trash this morning. I thought I saw a faint line but I immediately caught myself and stopped looking. I'm not playing those stupid mindgames. I had enough of them last time, thankyouverymuch. Two days till beta and I'm certainly feeling less optimistic today. I started breaking out in zits on my face and chest tonight but that's probably from the bug spray I used at my friend's house, then let it cook on me while I sat next to the campfire. I still got eaten alive by mosquitoes. Lesson learned.

Tonight I talked to Brandon on the phone before going to sleep and had a good conversation about fertility treatments/adoption and a good cry. I won't go into the details about our future plans right now, just in case this cycle worked.

Tuesday July 5th- 8dp3dt
Another negative pregnancy test this morning. Not even a hint of a second line. I am utterly convinced this did not work. I'm so disappointed right now. I went to work this morning and lasted about an hour. My job isn't exactly stimulating so I tend to put on my headphones and zone out while I'm processing orders (don't judge, it's necessary to tune out everyone else's talking and other noises). This is sometimes bad because my mind wanders and this morning it wandered to my potentially failed cycle. I kinda lost it so I left work crying. We have no privacy there in our little half-cubicles and I didn't want people noticing my crying. I also wasn't sure how many times I would lose it today so I just left and worked from home.

At lunchtime I jumped up from the couch rather quickly to go to the kitchen (to prevent the burning of my delicious grilled cheese sandwich). Then I experienced a sharp pain in my uterus area that lasted for a few minutes. Had that happened a few days ago I'd think it meant something but at this point I don't think it means shit.

Beta is tomorrow.

Wednesday July 6th- 9dp3dt and Beta Day
The morning started off with another negative pee stick and things just sort of went downhill from there. I left the house early to get my bloodwork done and showed up at the lab at 7:15. Half an hour later they called me back to steal my blood. After that was said and done I asked the guy behind the desk (the one who put my labwork in the system) about how long it would take to get the results. I was expecting to hear it would take an hour or two as this is generally how long it takes. Instead he said "Meh, you should get it by the end of the day. If not, then tomorrow." Sorry, asshole, wrong answer. My paperwork specifically says SAME DAY RESULTS. I pointed this out but he gave me some lame ass answer saying that the labwork had to be "sent out". Whatever. I was late for work so I just left.

Work was boring and tedious as usual. Around 1:00 I got an email from Nurse D saying that the fax machine was down. She gave me an alternate number so I called the hospital to make the change. The lady I spoke with changed the fax number and the following conversation ensued:

Me: So does that mean the labwork is done?
Lady: No it hasn't been completed yet.
Me: Well is it going to get done today?
Lady: Well it has to be sent out.
Me: But the paperwork specifically said SAME DAY RESULTS.
Lady: Uh, well, uh it has to be sent out.

To make a long story short, the asswipe who entered my labwork that morning ordered the wrong fucking test. The test he ordered, you guessed it, has to be sent out and can take up to 4 days. Goddamnitmotherfuckershitassmonkeyballs I was so pissed. The lady said she would rectify the situation and call me back if I needed to come give more blood. I sat there seething for two hours. Finally at 3:00 I called again to check on the status of the bloodwork. The Lady said she faxed to Nurse D at 1:30. So for those of you who are curious, it apparently only takes half an hour to complete a quantitative HCG test. So I waited for Nurse D to call.

And waited.

And waited.

And finally at 5:30 I called her up and she told me my beta was less than 1, thus ending the shittiest 2WW of all time.