Dear Ripley's

I hope you did not disappoint me today. Because I know about your fertility statues and even considered going allllll the way to Panama City just to rub on them for some good luck, after all the shitty luck I've had so far. Imagine my surprise and extreme delight when I passed by Ripley's Believe.It.Or.Not! in Times Square today. Not knowing which location the statues were at, I went up to an employee and asked if they had the fertility statues. He said yes. Commence happy dance. That is, until Brandon found out it would cost over $50 for us to enter the building and see the statues. I gave him "the look" and reminded him that I almost traveled out of state to see these bitches. He offered to stand outside while I went in by myself but that wouldn't do so we coughed up the dough to go in. While there were other amusing oddities in the building, let's be honest here, we were only there because of the statues. After photographing them, rubbing the woman's belly many times (Brandon refused to touch the man's penis and instead patted him on the head lol) and feeling giddy with hopefulness, we left.

And then I got home and went on the Ripley's website, only to find out that the statues we saw were not the statues that were featured in so many news articles and bragged about as having these "magical powers" (even though Ripley's does not endorse them, yadda yadda yadda). Nope, the authentic statues are in the lobby of the Orlando, FL location where anyone can go in and touch them for free. And they look completely different from the ones we saw.

The statues we saw

So Ripley's, I really hope the statues you have in the Times Square location are just as good because if not I'm going to be really really pissed.