Tragedy Strikes

Just a few weeks after booking our trip, Iquitos and the surrounding river villages have been hit by unprecedented flooding.

April is the rainy season in the Amazon but due to a long, hot summer in the Andes (remember, their seasons are flipped) has caused massive glacial melt. Amazonia Expeditions can gauge the high floods based on the acid marks on the trees around the area. Last year the villages experienced a record flood but because the lodge was built higher than the native homes, they remained high and dry and were able to provide aid to the displaced natives. This year not only are the villages flooded but the lodge is under 3 feet of water (as of a few days ago). Schools, colleges and universities in Iquitos have been cancelled and opened up as emergency shelters. The president of Peru has declared a state of emergency for the area. The villages along the Tahuayo River are abandoned, with only a few resilient residents remaining, living in boats or rafts tied to the roofs of their houses.

Unfortunately the waters won't recede till mid-May, which means that repairs to the lodge and village won't occur till June, right before we arrive. While Brandon and I had planned on hosting a breakfast for the village children, we now believe that money and time could be better used to help repair the homes of the native Peruvians. It may not be the ideal Amazonian vacation but I'm sure we'll have fun nonetheless.

If you're interested in helping out the people of the Amazon you can donate to Angels of the Amazon. Donations are tax-deductible and right now their first focus will be to repair the medical clinic they constructed in 2009. Angels of the Amazon was founded by the wife of the owner of our tour company. You can also friend Amazonia Expeditions on Facebook for more updates, since the internet news has not covered any of the current flooding.

An Awesome Weight Loss Challenge!

Check out this blog for the Get Fit Coast to Coast Challenge. Each participant contributes $10 and whoever loses the greatest percentage of body weight over an 8-week period will receive the pot! The second runner up gets a workout pack. Weigh-ins are photographed to prevent cheating (that's the main concern I had with this kind of thing). I think I'm going to join and maybe even recruit Brandon as well. Who wants to participate with me? The challenge starts on Monday the 9th so if you're interested, hurry up and join!

Our First Trip to Peru: Part Three

Forgive me for the sparse pictures. My computer crashed since 2008 and the only pictures from Peru that were salvaged were the ones that remained on one of the memory cards I had brought with me.

Day 5- Pisaq

Despite going to bed at 2 am, I still made Brandon get up at 8. He was less than thrilled but I had big plans for the day. We ate breakfast and checked out of our hotel. We left our luggage at the counter though. They watched it for free while we went shopping. We took our suitcase of dirty laundry to a lavenderia where it was 3 soles ($1) per kilo to have our clothes washed and dried. We had 5 kilos and the guy said it would be ready at 7 but we needed it by 4 because we would be meeting our host family at 5. So we paid 5 soles extra to have it ready by 4.

This is where I start writing my journal entries in bullet points with very little detail so I'll have to just go off of what I remember. The rest of the 5 weeks probably won't be as detailed as the first three days of my writing. Since it will be a mish-mash of what I actually wrote and what I remember, I'm going to stop using italics at this point.

We took a taxi to Awana Kancha and the Pisaq market for 90 soles (about $30). Awana Kancha is a llama farm and there we got to feed llamas and alpacas and see how the locals made dyed yarn from their hair. It was pretty neat. The open market in Pisaq is probably the largest and most popular market in the area. We walked around for over an hour while the taxi driver waited for us. It was easy to get lost among the numerous stalls of vendors selling their wares. I bought a shawl for about $10 and a nice chess set depicting the Incans on one side and the Spanish conquistadors on the other for about $4.

Feeding llamas at Awana Kancha

We made it back to Cusco only to discover that the lavenderia was closed. We sat on the steps on the San Blas church and waited for our host family to come and get us. They were almost 45 minutes late and while we were waiting a shoe shine boy came to visit us. He couldn't have been more than 8 years old. He pleaded with Brandon in Spanish if he could shine his shoes. Brandon said no, considering he just had sneakers on and they were bound to get dirty on the rest of the trip. That was about the extent of Brandon's Spanish speaking skills, "No, gracias". The little boy was insistant and continued to pester Brandon about shining his shoes. Brandon kept saying no and eventually I said the same thing. The little boy turned to me with the meanest face I had ever seen, put his finger to his lips and said SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I didn't know whether to be offended or amused. Apparently I was ruining this kid's sales opportunity. So he turned his attention back to Brandon, all the while picking at Brandon's shoe laces and asking if he could shine his shoes. Brandon said no, I said no, and again I was shushed. So at this point the little boy kinda figured he wasn't going to get a shoe shine out of Brandon. But he didn't go away. He continued to hang out at Brandon's feet, picking at his shoe. So I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. So I pulled out a chocolate Power Bar from our backpack and gave it to him. He inspected the wrapper, trying to figure out what it was and I explained that it was chocolate. After a thorough examination he deemed it safe to accept and pocketed the candy bar. And then he kept picking at Brandon's shoe! Luckily at this point our host family showed up and the little boy went off to try and find another unsuspecting tourist.

Our host family turned out to be awesome. The mother was Dina, or Mama D, as we called her. She had two older kids, Jamil who was in her late teens and Neto who was probably in his early 20's. Both of the kids knew English pretty well so it was easy to communicate with them. With Mama D we had to use our Spanish. There was also a maid who cooked our meals during the day. Her name escapes me. Our host family was also hosting two high school girls from New York, Rachel and Sarah, (also with United Planet) and one girl from Germany who was not with our organization. It was a nice full house and there was always something going on.


Day 6

It was Monday and time to finally start our volunteer work. We met Manfred, the organizer in Cusco for United Planet, and he told us about our project and Spanish lessons. We originally thought we were going to be volunteering at an orphanage but they switched our program and we were assigned to an after school program called Amas. The hours of volunteering were only from 3-6 pm which was a bit disappointing. I had assumed we would be volunteering all day. That's the whole reason we were there! Brandon, as a beginner in Spanish, would be getting his lessons from 11-1 but my lessons weren't scheduled yet so I just decided to join his.

After the meeting with Manfred we went home with Rachel and Sarah for lunch and then went back to San Blas school, where we would be getting the Spanish lessons. Manfred then took us to the Amas center. It was about a 20-minute bus ride from our house (for about $.20 one way) to one of the poorest parts of Cusco. And when I say "bus", I mean bus or van. Sometimes the first thing you can catch is an actual bus with seats. Other times it's more like a 12-passenger van that has about 30 people in it. Some days there's plenty of room, other days it's standing room only and you have your ass crammed into the face of someone who's sitting down. There's one guy driving the bus and another guy hanging out the door calling out the names of the destinations that they're going to (ours was San Jeronimo). Public transportation is Cusco is definitely a unique experience.

So after we get off the bus/van at San Jeronimo we have to walk down a dusty dirt road to the Amas center, over a bridge that stinks of sewer and rotten trash. The center hosts about 20-35 kids a day, ranging in age from about 4 to about 14. When we arrived there were 2 volunteers from France (Natasha and Pierre), 1 from Spain (David) and 2 kids from the US (Brendan and Kenya) who only stayed a week. We were introduced to the director, Senora Luz and spent the afternoon playing outside with the kids. The children loved playing sports but there was a distinct gender line. The boys played soccer, the girls played volleyball. There was rarely a co-ed game going on. The kids were very very affectionate, always giving hugs and kisses to us. At around 5:30 when we kids started going home and sun started setting we decided it was time to go home.

The outside of the Amas Center

The kids loved getting their picture taken

Day 7

Today we had more Spanish lessons from 11-1, with Rachel and Sarah. Then it was back to the house for lunch. At the program I helped the kids put together a jigsaw puzzle and then all the volunteers tried to show the kids how to play Duck, Duck Goose. Only we didn't know the Spanish word for "goose" so it ended up being Duck, Duck Chicken. The kids kinda got the jist of the game but after a while they started making up their own rules so the game didn't last too long. It looks like Brandon might be getting sick.

After the program me, Brandon and our host family decided to go to the supermarket because tomorrow there would be an organized protest and all the stores would be closed. Brandon and I decided we should get some laundry detergent so we could wash our own clothes instead of always having to go to the lavenderia. But instead of picking up laundry detergent we ended up buying dish deteregent. Our host family had a good laugh when they explained our mistake to us, so we ended up just giving them the dish detergent as a gift. Oh well! At least it's cheap at the lavenderia.

Day 8 - The Protest

No classes or program today because of the protest. Everyone in Peru is protesting the high cost of gas. No buses, taxis or stores are open. Me, Brandon, Rachel and Sarah walked up to the Plaza de Armas. Rocks were placed in the middle of the streets to block cars. We found a couple of shops open and bought some purses. We watched the protest in the Plaza for a while. Everyone was there. We had lunch at a pizzaria and I decided to try my first pisco sour. It's a classic mixed drink that's served in South America and has a foamy mixture of egg white on top. It was a bit too strong for my liking but the pizza was delicious. After the late lunch we made it back to the house around 4.

That night we had dinner and United Planet had organized salsa lessons for us. Mama D and her family do a lot volunteering with United Planet so the lessons were held at our house that night. We met a dozen other volunteers who were with United Planet at various projects around the city. Brandon took some video and then later danced with me a bit. Afterwards some of the volunteers went out to a club but Brandon and I decided to stay home. We're too old for that sort of thing.

Our First Trip to Peru: Part Two

But first I'd like to add that our plane tickets have been bought for our second trip! Our trip is June 26-July 7. We'll be staying 8 nights in the Amazon rainforest, 2 nights at a research center, 1 or 2 nights camping in the forest, and the remaining nights at the main lodge. We booked our tour with Amazonia Expeditions who got wonderful reviews on Tripadvisor. Can't wait to go!

And now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Day 3

Today we woke up around 5 am to go visit the lek again to see if we could see some birds. We were in luck because there were 5 out. We stayed for about half an hour taking pictures and observing them. Then it was back to the lodge for breakfast. It was "tortilla de verdura" or vegetable tortillas (the mother/daughter were vegetarians). It wasn't really a tortilla, it was more like a quiche because it was just egg with veggies. It was really good. After breakfast we boarded the van to get to our second lodge, Erika Lodge. It was over an hour away. After driving about 20 minutes the van stopped at a small shack that had a dog sitting outside. Ronald explained that the driver knew this dog very well and he always left scraps for him. The dog would wait by the road for our driver and if he drove by without stopping then the dog would chase after him!

After the dog was fat and happy from our leftovers we continued on. We stopped in a rural town along the way to pick up some bread. I didn't realize they had so many villages in the national park. We picked up a few dozen pieces of bread and the breadmaker let us all take one fresh out of the oven. Delicious! Then it was back on the road for another 10 miles where we stopped at a local coca plantation. Ronald explained that coca plantations are highly regulated. The farmer can only grow a certain amount of coca and only one company is allowed to take the coca from the farms to the cities. The coca farmers usually supplement their income by growing pineapples, bananas and lemons. After checking out the coca plantation for a while we headed to a town called Pilcopata. There we met our rafting guide for a short trip down the river. It was only Class I and II rapids so we didn't use helmets, just a life vest. There were some parts of the river that were so slow, they seemed to have no current at all. We rafted for about an hour and then some of us took a dip in the river. I was one of those people, so when I slipped off the edge of the raft I went straight down, completely under the water! Eventually the life jacket decided to do its job and I came bobbing back up to the top but everyone had a good laugh at that.

Our breadmaker making our loaves of bread

The coca plantation

We got to a small village called Atalaya Port where the van was waiting for us. We got all of our luggage out of the van and boarded a small motor boat that would take us to Erika Lodge. There was a cute little boy on the boat, obviously the son of one of the employees. I gave him a toy that I had in my backpack but he was too shy to talk to me at all during our time at Erika Lodge. The ride was very refreshing because we actually had a breeze from moving so fast. Usually the air doesn't move much in the Amazon. Combine that with the humidity and you sweat very easily. Erika Lodge was a lot nicer than San Pedro and lunch was waiting for us.


After lunch we took a break for a couple hours before heading off on a hike. Before we left we donned knee-high rubber boots that the lodge provided for us, to protect us from contact with snakes and other animals. Ronald also warned us to make sure the doors to our rooms were shut tight. Apparently there is a resident monkey around the lodge called Pepe who likes to visit unattended rooms and steal things. We caught a glimpse of Pepe on the bank of a river once but unfortunately I didn't get any pictures.

Taking a break at Erika Lodge

On the hike we saw a few macaws and heard some wild turkeys. We hiked for about an hour and by the time we turned around to go back it was dark. Ronald was looking for night animals (read: tarantulas!) on our hike back. We were all using our flashlights because we didn't want to step on a snake or spider. Then all of a sudden we heard something in the dark. We stopped to listen and Ronald told us to turn off our flashlights. So we were huddled in the pitch black rainforest while our guide wandered off the path in the direction of the noise. I was so scared I kept turning my flashlight back off while Ronald kept telling me to turn it off. We never did find the animal. Ronald thinks it may have been an ocelot or wild pig. We made it back to the lodge safely where we had dinner and went to bed.


Day 4

Today was our last day in Manu. It was also another early day. We woke up at 5 am to board our motor boat to see some parrots and macaws. There is a huge clay wall on one side of the river that contains certain types of minerals. The birds come in the morning to lick the clay. The minerals they get aids in their digestion. We hid under a shelter on the opposite bank to watch the birds. About 20 green parrots showed up but no macaws. After about half an hour of observations we headed back to the lodge for breakfast. This morning it was a delicious fruit salad made with papaya, cantelope, strawberries, pineapple, banana and yogurt. They also had some sort of puffed rice topping that tasted like Sugar Smacks. It was wonderful.

After breakfast was our canopy zipline tour. This was the part of the trip I was most excited about. We would ride a zip line to 5 different platforms in the forest. So we trudged up a huge hill to get to the first platform. I was dripping sweat by the time we got there. I took one look at the zip line and was no longer excited. Our platform was on the side of a huge hill and the second platform was about 300 feet away on the other side. The middle of the zip line was at least 100 feet above the canopy. I didn't realize we would be that high. I thought we would be zipping through the canopy, not above it! I no longer wanted to do this. But I put my harness on anyway and we all climbed to the top of the platform. We got a quick lesson on how to move and how to brake. My fears of this canopy tour kept growing even after the first two people went. Ronald was at the bottom of the platform holding a machete and telling me I had to go. I'll take the machete, thank you! Then it was just me and Brandon. By this time my hands were shaking. So Brandon said he would go first. That didn't convince me. So the guide hooked my harness to the pulley. Now my whole body was shaking like a leaf. He told me to sit so I could move down the line but I couldn't. I didn't want to leave the platform. He suggested that we do tandem and ride together but at this point I was too shaky to even stand. So I backed out of the canopy tour and the others continued on. I sat for a while until I stopped shaking and Ronald, me and another Peruvian went looking for monkeys instead. We heard a group of them but as we started to walk in the direction of the sound they went away.

The canopy tour group did see some monkeys though, a mother and her baby. Unfortunately Brandon didn't have the camera, I did, so we didn't get a picture. Ronald and I did find a dung beetle though, how exciting lol. I asked him what it was and he called it a "defecate beetle". Then he asked me what the proper word was and I told him, as well as the curse word. He then told me the curse word in Spanish, which I repeated and cause the other Peruvian to start laughing hysterically. So there we were, me and Ronald teaching each other to say "shit" in our native languages. It was quite comical.

On the way back to the camp Ronald stopped to cut some big leaves. He explained that they would cook dinner in them that evening. Apparently the leaves give the food a special flavor. Back at the lodge I was able to relax for a while before the group came back. I noticed that Pepe had eaten the passion fruit I left out for him. There was a smattering of seeds on the deck. The group returned and we had a very nice buffet-style lunch and toasted it with some local Peruvian wine. The other 4 girls would stay an extra night but Brandon and I gathered our things to go back to Cusco with another group. It was almost noon before we left.

During the boat ride back to Atalaya Port our motor boat got stuck. The water was extremely shallow and it was much easier going downriver than up. So the guides made all the guys get out (including Brandon) and push the boat to deeper water. It took a long time and eventually the ladies had to get out and hang out on a rocky shoal in the middle of the river while the guys helped out another boatman who got stuck in the same situation. Brandon says now that this was one of the highlights of his trip to Manu. He really enjoyed getting to be a part of that, instead of being treated like a tourist.

Pushing the boat upriver

I was nervous that we would be driving on that treacherous mountain road in the dark but it was actually easier for me because I couldn't tell how high up we were. We got to Cusco around 2 am, checked into our hotel and went straight to sleep.

Our First Trip to Peru: Part One

I came across a journal I had brought with me during our first trip to Peru. It's pretty detailed, at least in the beginning. Towards the end of my 5-week trip I got incredibly sick and my journal entries took a back burner. Anyway, I've decided that I want to record my story here, to preserve it somehow in case something happens to my journal. I'll add a few notes here and there in italics that weren't part of the original entries. And remember I wasn't exactly a great writer back then. These entries look like they were written by a teenager but oh well. Enjoy!

July 2nd, 2008
Day 1

After 26 hours of living in an airport we finally made it to Cusco. What a nightmare! The plane from Seattle to New York smelled so bad of urine. The smell went away when the air came on but as soon as we landed in New York and they turned the plane off the horrible smell came back. I covered my nose with my shirt and an older French woman in front of us laughed. She knew exactly how I felt! After a long 7-hour layover we boarded the plane for Lima. It was late and my reading light was on so I tried to push it to turn it off like most American planes operate. Wrong! The on/off switch was on a remote control that was attached to the armrest. So I ended up burning my middle finger on the light and had to spend the next hour with my hand stuck in a bag of ice. There's a blister but I'll live.

So we get to Cusco and there's a gentleman waiting for us to take us to our hotel. His name is Juan Jose but he goes by JJ. He spoke very good English and also worked with a tour agency so he was trying to sell us all kinds of tours. Too bad United Planet had already scheduled everything for us. We check into our hotel, Casa de Campo. It is very nice and there is a good view of the city but the stairs almost killed me! The hotel is situated on the side of a very steep hill and our room happened to be at the very top. By the time we got there I was gasping for air. Cusco is over 1,100m above sea level so altitude sickness is common. The hotel served us mate de coca, or coca tea. It's simply hot water with a ton of coca leaves in it. Although the leaves are used to produce coc.aine we were not taking drugs! The coca leaves help to thin the blood so it can flow more easily. So Brandon and I spent a good hour drinking coca tea and relaxing. I even chewed my coca leaves which tasted bitter and made me feel like a Southern redneck.

Our Room

Some of the 5,00 stairs

At noon the tour operator for our jungle trip came to talk about our itinerary and told us to be ready to leave at 5:30 the next morning. Afterwards we did a bit of exploring. We walked to the Plaza de Armas and visited the Inka museum. On the way to the Plaza we were bombarded by locals trying to sell things like postcards and jewelry. Brandon and I had paused a moment to view a parade going by and an old woman came up to us speaking in Spanish and pinned a rainbow ribbon to our shirts (Cusco's flag is rainbow colored). I said "No gracias" but she did it anyway and then asked for a donation from both of us!

In the Inka Museum

It was about $3 to get into the Inka Museum. They had lots of old artifacts, mostly pottery. Pictures were prohibited but I snapped a few in the rooms that didn't have video cameras. Then we ate at a local restaurant whose name I don't recall. I had some more coca tea and felt brave enough to try one of Peru's most popular dish, cuy al horno. It is roasted guinea pig served whole. Brandon had Pollo con Quiwicha which was chicken covered with a sweet fruity sauce and sprinkled with quinoa. My meal came with a yellowish potato (a little bland) and roco relleno which is bell pepper stuffed with ground beef and veggies and covered in some kind of bread. I loved the bell pepper but the cuy was terrible. Brandon tried some and didn't like it either. The skin was rubbery and the smell was not appealing at all. I could only stomach a few bites.

Yes, my guinea pig was served whole. He even had his claws and teeth. Note the excited look on my face...not!

Afterwards we made our way back to the San Blas area and Brandon bought a hat for $10. Now he looks like Indiana Jones. (But Brandon lost said hat 3 weeks later in the airport on his way home. He is looking forward to buying another) Then we visited Iglesia San Blas, or San Blas Church. No pictures were allowed and I was unable to sneak one. I wish I could have, the church was amazing. The pulpit was carved from one piece of cedar and the details were unlike anything I had ever seen.

After the church we decided to head back to our hotel for a nap. The altitude was giving me a killer headache, despite all the coca tea I drank. The trek back to our hotel was no easy feat though because it was all uphill. Then of course the 5,000 stairs to get to our room. We slept until around 8 and then went downstairs for dinner. Dinner is eaten late in Peru. Brandon had simple chicken broth and I had a fruit pancake (which may have actually been a crepe. I never had a crepe before. And you'll notice that I let a lot of food touch on this trip. This meal would have otherwise been a no-no for me but when in Rome...). The pancake was so delicious! It was a pastry that was wrapped around fruit (apples, banana, pineapple and I think papaya) and drizzled in chocolate sauce. More coca tea to get rid of my headache didn't help so I took some Tylenol and called it a day.

Day 2- Manu

Our day started early at 5 am. We got dressed and proceeded to take our suitcases downstairs to wait for the bus to Manu. This was extremely difficult because the hotel had turned out all the lights so we couldn't see the stairs! We made it down to the bottom just in time. We loaded all our luggage into the 15-passenger van and were on our way. I'd like to point out here that this van was in serious need of repair. The windshield was held on with duct tape, I shit you not! We couldn't get out the side door, the guide had to get out and open it from the outside. And I think I remember the gear shift acting up (it was a manual). Our guide was Ronald, the nicest Peruvian ever! He was always smiling and was a genuinely great person. He also spoke very good English. Traveling with us was a mother and daughter from Colorado and two sisters from Minnesota. One of the sisters had spent the last year traveling abroad to 25 countries and this was her last week before heading home (totally jealous!).

The trip started out on a two-way road for about an hour. There was a yellow line down the center but that seemed more like a suggestion than a requirement because most of the time the van drove in the middle of the road. After about an hour we turned onto a dirt road through a small town. I thought we were stopping for a break but I was wrong. This dirt road would be our only way to Manu. For the next 7 hours we drove on this bumpy dirt road that was only wide enough for one vehicle. If another vehicle came our way someone had to pull over. Did I mention we were also weaving our way around some pretty tall mountains with no guard rail to speak of? I feared for my life at least a dozen times. We passed by some very poor shantytowns where we had to share the road with all kinds of livestock. One bull even charged at our van. I guess we got a little too close. We stopped in a couple towns on the way and after about 5 hours we could start to see the change in the environment around us. We went from a dry, dusty land to a more tropical place. It was constantly cloudy (hence the name "Cloud Forest") but it never rained while we were there.
When we got into the actual park we stopped and had lunch. We continued on for about an hour and then we stopped at a platform called a lek. Here we could observe a bird called the Cock-of-the-Rock. The birds weren't out though so we kept going. We also did a bit of walking to look at birds and plants and the van came and picked us up after a half hour or so. We ended up seeing a hawk and the Cock-of-the-Rock before getting to our first lodge called San Pedro Lodge. We had about an hour before dinner would be ready so a few of us hiked up a trail near the lodge. It only led to another lodge so we went back and just relaxed in our rooms.

The Cock-of-the-Rock. My camera was so shitty, the jungle pictures turned out terrible.

Our room

Dinner that night was delicious. The meal started out with veggie soup. The main course was lomo saltado which is like beef stir fry with rice and french fries (this became one of my favorite Peruvian dishes). Peruvians eat a lot of potatoes. Dessert was flan, a half-solidified pudding. It tasted like caramel which I liked but I couldn't get over the weird texture so I only had a few bites. The lodge had electricity from only 7 to 9 so Brandon and I just went to bed. We each had our own twin bed but my mosquito net had a few big holes in it so we slept in the same bed. We were exhausted and fell asleep before everyone else but I woke in the middle of the night and got really freaked out. It was so dark I couldn't see a thing. I even touched my hand to my nose and couldn't even see my hand. Anyone who has ever been in a cave knows exactly what I'm talking about. I decided that tomorrow night I'll just sleep with a flashlight.

Still Here

Thank you all for your kind words regarding my last post. Brandon and I talked and we decided that we're okay with the adoption wait as it is. I'll admit that I was pretty disappointed in December when we found out that the average cost of adoption with our agency went up, along with the wait time. But we came up with the extra money and prepared ourselves for a longer wait. If the same thing happens again while we're waiting, well, we'll just have to reevaluate at that point. But for now we're okay as long as things hold steady.

So remember a few months ago when we were going to plan a vacation (either to Cancun or Germany) but in the end I was too depressed to want to go? Well I'm happy to say that I'm definitely out of that funk. It may have to do with the fact that Brandon and I are doing excellent on our new lifestyle change (I hate the word diet) and I've lost 5.6 pounds in the past three weeks. I'm feeling great and though I'm not yet looking great I'm well on my way. So we decided that it's time for another vacation. Another adventure actually.

So we're going back to the rainforest! When Brandon and I visited Peru in 2008 for a volunteer trip we took a few days to visit the Manu Cloud Forest in the Amazon. It was only a 4-day trip, not nearly long enough to see anything of significance. In fact we didn't see any mammals on the trip, only insects and birds. This time we want to fly into Iquitos and spend roughly 8 or 9 days in the Amazon rainforest. How frickin' cool is that??? I heard that the part of the jungle we're going to has pink river dolphins and I'm so excited to see one. I'm hoping to lose another 15 pounds before our trip in late June so that we can go on hikes and maybe even take an overnight camping trip away from the lodge, in the heart of the jungle. Don't worry, we won't be alone. They always have guides escort you everywhere so you don't get killed by a jaguar.

The only problem I'm facing is what to do about our adoption. If we book this trip and then get matched we could potentially lose a lot of money, unless the airline will allow us to change our flight and use it for the adoption travel (I've never had to change a flight before, much less an international one. Are you stuck using the same airline or do you just get a credit back to use on your next flight? I plan on going through a site like Travelocity or Expedia). I looked at getting travel insurance but if we have to cancel for a non-covered reason they only reimburse you 50% of the cost of the trip. I've also just considered putting our adoption on hold till we get back. At first this really bothered me but after thinking on it I realized it might be the best idea. We really need a nice long vacation and we might come back from it recharged and more positive about the adoption wait. Or maybe we can just ask to be presented to birthmoms who are due after we get back from our vacation. I have a few more weeks to think it over. I don't plan on booking anything until mid-April so any suggestions you guys might have would be much appreciated. It's hard to keep living your lives during the adoption wait because you're always afraid of going away and missing The Call. But I'm sure there's some way to balance the two out.

Undeserving

It’s hard to share your deepest, most darkest feelings on a public blog for fear of being judged but this is my outlet and this is what I intend to do.

Lately Brandon and I talked about giving up on adoption and parenthood.

The subject came about because the excitement of the adoption had kinda died in our household. There hasn’t been much talk about a future baby coming to live with us nor has there been much shopping or fixing up the nursery. Instead we just lived our normal lives as though nothing spectacular was going on.

And we were happy. We are happy with our lives the way they are now. So I asked Brandon if maybe we just weren’t meant to be parents. What followed was a long conversation, one we’ve had many times before. About how we could both see our lives going in either direction, and being equally happy in either situation.

What changed for us over the past 4 ½ years of our marriage is that we no longer feel a burning instinctive desire to have a child or to be parents. Now it’s more of a “want” versus a “need”. And because it’s transformed into a “want”, it’s becoming harder for us to justify the cost of adoption. We’ve already spent $30,000 on fertility treatments, another $45,000 would almost be the cost of a house. And we questioned why we were having to sacrifice other dreams for this one. Why should we? People pursue multiple dreams at the same time, all the time. I felt bitter that we’ve had to give up other dreams just to pursue this one. Why us? And if we pursue parenthood, would we have to give up other important dreams later down the road? It was kind of a scary thought for us.

Then there was the money issue. What if we have to move next year and need a new homestudy? What if the tax credit expires? What if the cost of adoption goes up yet again? Is our desire for parenthood limits when it comes to money? We decided that no, it is not.
We’re open on race, we’re open on other factors of adoption, we’re open to waiting. But we don’t want to feel like we’re buying a baby. We don’t want to spend 4 years paying off a loan that’s as much as a new car costs. We don’t want to cash out our 401K’s and rely on our child in our old age because we did so.

Just like with fertility treatments we have a limit. A stopping point for ourselves because we’re only willing to go so far.

And because of that, I feel like we’re not deserving to be parents.

I feel guilty that we’re not willing to go to any lengths to be parents, that we’re not willing to sacrifice everything in our lives to have a baby. I feel unworthy because there’s people out there who would and part of me feels like I should do the same, that by not doing so would make me a bad (future) parent. But from an objective point of view it seems so foolish to me to do make those sacrifices. I would hate to not be able to afford to send my child to college because I spent their college fund before they were even born. I would hate to deny Brandon his dream of earning a PhD because we spent too much money on adoption.

I had posted on our agency’s adoption forum about our contemplation to quit but a few hours later I took down my post. Nevertheless, many of the “regulars” had read it. Some people sent me private messages of encouragement while others told me maybe I should just give up. Adoption isn’t always a rose garden and sometimes the wait gets hard. And every now and then you think about what you’re giving up and whether it’s truly worth it. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve had those thoughts many many times which has made us question whether we should be parents.

Brandon and I have no doubt in our hearts that we would make good parents. We would love our child unconditionally. But sometimes because we question the process (especially the cost of the process) we feel like we don’t deserve that opportunity.

Starting Over

For the love of God, how many times am I going to do this?!?! I'm starting my diet over.....again.

I took a break for about 6 weeks after getting the worst cold I've ever had. Then Brandon got sick. Then I lost my motivation. Now I found it again. So a couple weeks ago I eased back into my diet. Then a few days ago I just logged my weight for the first time since January. I gained all my weight back and then some!! I knew it was time to take my fat ass back to the gym. So I went twice in the past 3 days. Apparently that wasn't enough because I gained yet another 1.2 pounds! So now not only have I gained all the weight I lost since November, I also gained an additional 2.4 pounds. What a huge disappointment.

So I'm going to try dropping WW and give MyFitnessPal a shot. My mom suggested it to me a while ago but I had already signed up for WW so I didn't bother signing up for another weight loss program, especially since they are so different. But many people have said good things about it so here goes nothin'. And I've put a widget up on my blogger to constantly remind of how much I've gained or lost.

I can't keep living like this. My normal everyday life has been completely affected by the weight I've gained. I seriously need to do something about it. Please help to motivate me!!

Adoption Information

I wanted to pass along some adoption information I've come across recently. Please feel free to share this info on your blogs to help spread the word.

The first is regarding the adoption tax credit. This tax credit is currently set for $12,650 for year 2012 but this is the last year that this credit will be offered as the bill that sets this credit expires at the end of the year. Some websites say the credit goes away completely, others say it reverts to the pre-2001 credit of only $5,000. Either way, Brandon and I will take a HUGE hit if this were to happen. The bad part is that we can only take this credit if we adopt and finalize by the end of this year. Otherwise we'd only be able to deduct the fees we paid in 2011 which are small, about $3,000. Brandon and I have discussed what we would do if we weren't able to take advantage of this tax credit and unfortunately we're leaning toward giving up on adoption if that were to happen. Adoption is so very very expensive, to lose $7,000+ in a tax credit would be terrible.

There is currently a petition rolling around to have this adoption tax credit extended. There is also a bill that just started and is in the committee stage of becoming a law. Please please please sign this petition and write a letter to your Congressman showing your support of this bill! Here is the information from the petition about the bill:

Right now there is a bill that is trying to get passed and if it goes through there will be a PERMANENT tax credit put in place. (S. 82: Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act)

There are some key politicians that we need to send letters/emails supporting our cause. The following politicians are sponsors of this Adoption Bill. If you reside in one of these states it is extremely important that you send some type of communication to them expressing your support:
Richard Burr [R-NC]
Robert Casey [D-PA]
Thad Cochran [R-MS]
Kirsten Gillibrand [D-NY]
Kay Hutchison [R-TX]
Tim Johnson [D-SD]
Amy Klobuchar [D-MN]
Pat Roberts [R-KS]
John Thune [R-SD]

In addition to these Finance Committee members:
Sen. Max Baucus [D-MT]
Sen. Orrin Hatch [R-UT]
Sen. Jeff Bingaman [D-NM]
Sen. Richard Burr [R-NC]
Sen. Maria Cantwell [D-WA]
Sen. Benjamin Cardin [D-MD]
Sen. Thomas Carper [D-DE]
Sen. Thomas Coburn [R-OK]
Sen. Kent Conrad [D-ND]
Sen. John Cornyn [R-TX]

Okay, so that's enough about the tax credit. The other information I want to spread is a new non-profit organization called Birth Mother Baskets. This wonderful organization sends gift baskets to new birthmoms expressing their support and encouragement. These baskets contain things like journals, candles, nice smelling bath stuff, CD's, photo albums and the like. They're always in need of donations so if you can, please send them a donation or help spread the word about their organization. I think what they're doing is a wonderful idea and I hope that my future birthmom is a recipient of one of these great baskets!

3 Months

I meant to post this yesterday on our 3-month waiting anniversary but instead I took a nap. It was glorious.

So yesterday marked 3 months of waiting. Not an especially long time but long enough for me. Some days have been very hard and others have been fairly easy. Some days I wonder When will somebody pick us? and other days I think Am I really ready to be a mom? I know it's all normal but the down days are getting harder and harder to deal with. Still, I have a strange feeling that March will be a significant month for us so I'm patiently waiting for it to roll around to see if I'm right.

This weekend Brandon and I are going to celebrate Valentine's Day at the Mount Washington Resort in Bretton Woods, NH. I'm really looking forward to spending time with him with no distractions (not even Oso!) and to eating some great food. We haven't booked any activities but they have skiing, tubing, sleigh rides, dog sledding, ice skating and excellent spa services. I guess we'll just pick whatever we feel like doing when we get there. Brandon is looking forward to tubing.

Work is getting harder and harder to deal with. I'm trying my best to stick it out for a few more months before I quit. That will put us in a better financial situation and will give us some extra money for A) A trip to Dayton, OH in April and B) some spending cash for when my grandparents visit this summer. The trip to Dayton I'm talking about is the WGI Championships!! I used to perform in colorguard and winterguard when I was in high school and college and I miss going to see the shows. I figured this would be a great opportunity to show Brandon something I loved doing and was very talented at. Brandon, on the other hand, asked Can't I just YouTube it? NO!!

So anyway, those are our plans, if I can stick it out till then. I'm actually pretty grateful we didn't book a trip to Germany next month because of all the bad weather they've been having but we did decide on a 2014 trip to celebrate Brandon getting out of the Navy. And because we're putting it off for 2 years we'll be able to save more money and take a longer vacation. I'm sure it will be our baby's first international trip and I really look forward to exploring the world with our child.

So that's about all. I suppose I should get packed for our trip because we're leaving in a few hours. Have a good weekend everyone!