This is going to be a pretty short post because I have to get to work. I haven't talked about this topic yet because I wasn't sure it was something we were going to consider but my sister has offered to be a surrogate for us. She offered over a year ago and we kinda blew it off as just a nice gesture, but one that would never be fulfilled. Not because we didn't think she was genuine but because we didn't think she'd make a good candidate as a surrogate. After all, she had her only child at 30 weeks and he was just 2 1/2 pounds. But about a month ago she made the same offer again. This time we've decided to talk more about it.
But it's something we're only willing to consider if it's a lot less than the adoption. We've already put about $15K into the adoption process, money that is non-refundable. We have about $30-32K left to spend once we're matched and all that. Does anyone have experience with family/friend surrogacy (or having a surrogate that didn't charge the surrogacy fees)? If so, about how much is the cost? I'm assuming the cost of an IVF and FET put together but I could be wrong. I've been out of touch with the cost of fertility treatments because in the military world it's much cheaper. This time, however, we would not be able to use the military and we'd have to go through a civilian clinic. Plus she lives in NC so one of us would have to travel. So any info about the costs and legal process would be greatly appreciated. This might not ever come to fruition but it's something we're willing to talk about for the time being.
But it's something we're only willing to consider if it's a lot less than the adoption. We've already put about $15K into the adoption process, money that is non-refundable. We have about $30-32K left to spend once we're matched and all that. Does anyone have experience with family/friend surrogacy (or having a surrogate that didn't charge the surrogacy fees)? If so, about how much is the cost? I'm assuming the cost of an IVF and FET put together but I could be wrong. I've been out of touch with the cost of fertility treatments because in the military world it's much cheaper. This time, however, we would not be able to use the military and we'd have to go through a civilian clinic. Plus she lives in NC so one of us would have to travel. So any info about the costs and legal process would be greatly appreciated. This might not ever come to fruition but it's something we're willing to talk about for the time being.
I don't know anything about the cost of surrogacy or anything, but if she's close enough to Bragg in NC then she could possibly get all the medications and monitoring for the appointment for free through the fertility clinic on base. Definitely something to look into...would save you thousands.
ReplyDeleteThough I've rarely commented, I've been reading your blog regularly for a while. I'm a former gestational surrogate *and* I've done my own battles with IF.
ReplyDeleteA non-compensated surrogacy (often referred to as a "compassionate" surrogacy, though I personally think ALL surrogacies are compassionate), can easily save $20,000-35,000+ off of the total cost of a successful surrogacy arrangement. That is the average range of compensation that a surrogate generally receives.
Still, there are other costs that you would have to consider and determine how much, if anything, you *will* cover for your sister. For example, will you reimburse lost wages for appointments, etc, and also consider how much you might have to reimburse in the chance that she has to miss lots of work due to bed rest, etc. Will you offer a maternity clothing allowance, and if so, how much? These are examples of the additional things that are covered by Intended Parents (IPs) in customary arrangements. They should also be discussed between you and your sister.
You will definitely need the services of an attorney who is well-versed in surrogacy law. The state where the baby would be born -- in your case, NC -- dictate the terms of the contract. NC is a good state for surrogacy with favorable laws. If you and your sister agree to move forward, then a surrogacy attorney should draw up the terms of your contract (which includes far more than just the monetary issues). If the transfer results in a healthy pregnancy, then sometime in month 6 or so, the same lawyer will petition the courts in NC for pre-birth order (PBO), which is a document that establishes you and your husband as the parents and will allow your names to be placed on the birth certificate. Attorney fees for contract range from about $2,000-$5,000. It really just depends on the attorney and the extent of work they'll have to do (contract revisions, etc).
A large part of the cost depends on the clinic fees for IVF. I'll give a rough estimate and say $25-35K for screening, meds (for you and your sister), cycling, and the IVF itself (fresh). If your sister's insurance will cover any of her testing, that will help.
As far as travel is concerned, it is usually better if she travels to you for evaluation at the clinic and transfer. However, if there are good clinics in her area (and there are) and it is more cost-effective, it might be better for you to travel to NC for cycling and retrieval. It is possible to manage a long-distance surrogacy arrangement. I have many surrogate and IP friends whose surro or IPs lived cross-country.
Feel free to email me if you have any questions at all or need more specific information. I'll be happy to help in any way that I can!
Kym
ME me me! I have been reading for a long time and only comment occasionally but I have some great info for you! I have DONE a surrogacy with family member, in fact we are pregnant right now with my sis in law as our surrogate! email me and I will give you all the details! babydreams2011 at gmail dot com
ReplyDeleteI have also gone through this process with my best friend. If you have any specific questions feel free to email me at dreamsofababy@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you've thought about adopting embryos and using a surrogate, but that would be a lot less expensive than going through a fresh IVF plus surrogacy. I think we're going to pay something like $5K or so for the embryo adoption because we can use our local clinic for the monitoring leading up to the DeFET. Tricare will cover the monitoring, just not the actual transfer. We're not using a surrogate so I'm not any help with that, but since you already have a home study, maybe adopting embryos is something you might be interested in looking into. Best of luck with all the decision making.
ReplyDeleteMy friend Whitney is going through this, and I agree with many of the posters above. One other point-this can also depend on your health insurance. Bigger than the cost of the IVF can be how much your insurance will cover for the birth of the child. Sometimes you must use your coverage/ sometimes the surrogate's depending on how the policies are written.
ReplyDeleteShe's written a lot about it here:
http://www.whitneyanderick.com/
We talked about surrogacy, but we decided against it for a bunch of reasons that really don't matter to other people. I'm commenting (a little late) to say that my RE had a stipulation about not using family members that were related by DNA if we decided to use a surrogate. I don't know why and that rule might not apply with your RE and situations.
ReplyDeleteI do know that for me, the out of pocket cost would have looked like this: $12-15,000 for my IVF stimulation, $25-50,000 for the cost of the surrogate, + the cost of the surrogates health insurance and medical procedures. So, very expensive...